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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at DM over DS' Birthday?

103 replies

blaisealex · 05/07/2021 09:15

DS 3rd Birthday today. We decided in advance we would celebrate yesterday (Sunday), as DH and I both have to work his Birthday on the Monday.

As he's so young, he doesn't actually know what day is his Birthday is. So the plan was to tell him his Birthday was on the Sunday. We had a little family party. Great day. Then this morning I was speaking to DM on FaceTime and she started singing Happy Birthday and telling DS his Birthday was today.

I then took him to Nursery and he started crying and didn't want to go. Now, I feel like the shittest parent ever. And I can't help but feel it's DMs fault. She knew the plan. Today was supposed to just be a normal day, go to work, nursery, etc. And not mention his Birthday. In his mind it was yesterday. He normally has no problem going in to Nursery. But now he knows today is his Birthday and I've had to leave him at Nursery in tears.

AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
idontlikealdi · 05/07/2021 09:16

It's really not an issue!

JillsFlapjacks · 05/07/2021 09:19

If your mum hadn't said something, my guess is one of the nursery workers would have. You're making it a bigger issue than is necessary.

RaginaFalangi · 05/07/2021 09:19

Surely the nursery would've told him it's his birthday anyway. Confused

Original poster
blaisealex · 05/07/2021 09:20

No, the Nursery wouldn't have told him.

OP posts:
Bitofachinwag · 05/07/2021 09:20

Sounds annoying, but I don't think the two are related. Why would he cry because he has to go to nursery on his birthday?

finallyfoundout · 05/07/2021 09:23

It's not your DM fault at all. It is your child's birthday. It's weird to change the date and lie to your child then try to cover up the fact it is his actual birthday today.

HopeValley · 05/07/2021 09:24

Can't believe people think YABU! Fair enough if someone randomly let it slip by mistake but your own mother should have been able to keep it quiet if she knew the plan.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 05/07/2021 09:24

better 2 birthdays than none.
he'll forget about it soon, don't worry

Whatinthelord · 05/07/2021 09:25

Erm she was a bit out of order to mention it when you had specifically told her not to. However I think the underlying cause of the issue was actually you lying.

I know why you did it and I don’t think it is a horrific lie or anything. However that is sort of the risk you take when you try something like this.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 05/07/2021 09:25

you could say "oops, mummy got the dates wrong, yes, your birthday is today"
then give him an icelolly and a big hug.

job done

MissMissTorrance · 05/07/2021 09:26

I also don't think the crying was as a result of being told it was his Birthday.
A three year old wouldn't have expectations that he be kept home on his Birthday I don't think.

RaginaFalangi · 05/07/2021 09:26

@blaisealex

No, the Nursery wouldn't have told him.
Did you tell them not to mention it?

Maybe don't lie to your child?

Original poster
blaisealex · 05/07/2021 09:27

@HopeValley

Can't believe people think YABU! Fair enough if someone randomly let it slip by mistake but your own mother should have been able to keep it quiet if she knew the plan.
Yeah, see this is my issue. She knew. She knew she wasn't supposed to mention it today. She knew exactly what the plan was. Even 10 year old DSS managed to keep quiet!
OP posts:
Rosebel · 05/07/2021 09:27

Are you sure nursery wouldn't have said something? They usually do.
If your child enjoys nursery and had a party yesterday it seems strange that he cried going in. Is it more likely he's upset because you were cross with grandma?

ZeroFuchsGiven · 05/07/2021 09:28

Why would You lie to him?

Its Your birthday tomorrow but we are having a party today covers it Confused

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 05/07/2021 09:29

Everyone lies to their kid to make Christmas special, what's the difference with op lying to make his birthday special?

I would be annoyed too op.

HappyTimeTunnelDinosaur · 05/07/2021 09:30

I don't think this is a big issue, just tell him he's lucky this year as he gets to have his birthday on two days! We did similar for our dd when her bday was during the week, they just love the excitement and have no idea what the actual day really means at this age.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 05/07/2021 09:30

I understand you lied to make things easier for yourself, but don't blame grandma for not wanting to be part of your lie.

it backfired so hopefully that's a lesson you won't forget. just tell the truth next time

pastabest · 05/07/2021 09:31

@blaisealex

No, the Nursery wouldn't have told him.
Because you had prewarned them or you just assumed?

Any playgroups/ nurseries / childminders I've used have always as minimum sung happy birthday to children on their birthday.

I have a recent three year old (and also older children) and whilst they don't know which day was their birthday they would have totally understood if we explained to them that we were celebrating the day before because we had work/nursery on their actual birthday but their actual birthday was tomorrow.

As it happened my 3yo they went to the childminders on their birthday, who did a little party for them with the other mindees. The 3 year old loved having happy birthday sung by their mates, it's a shame if you have told the nursery not to do that just so you got to 'do' the birthday for yourselves the day before.

Sorry, but I think you have to take some of the blame here. You can't ban everyone else from mentioning it's the child's birthday just so you can pretend for yourselves. As you have found it just causes confusion and upset.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/07/2021 09:32

She was unreasonable to do that against your express request but I'd have just said loudly and with pointed look "oh Nanny, that was yesterday, don't you remember coming to my party? Silly Nanny. Right gotta go. Bye."

Original poster
blaisealex · 05/07/2021 09:32

@Rosebel

Are you sure nursery wouldn't have said something? They usually do. If your child enjoys nursery and had a party yesterday it seems strange that he cried going in. Is it more likely he's upset because you were cross with grandma?
No, they wouldn't have said anything! Even they knew the plan! He probably cried because he realised it was his Birthday today and wanted to stay home with his "Birthday Party", basically his balloons and presents from yesterday. Prior to DM singing and telling him it was his Birthday, he seemed fine to go to Nursery because Birthday Party was yesterday and done.
OP posts:
LlamasSitOnPyjamas · 05/07/2021 09:32

We've done exactly the same and slightly moved exact dates of birthdays if they coincided with having to work or traveling on holiday. When they're too little to know what date it is it doesn't matter! Don't feel bad about doing that.

Samcro · 05/07/2021 09:34

weird to lie like that. makes no sense.

pastabest · 05/07/2021 09:35

So you have robbed him of the experience of having happy birthday being sung at nursery too?

AliceMcK · 05/07/2021 09:36

Your DM was wrong but I don’t see why you wouldn’t tell him it’s his birthday today. Last year we sent my dd to nursery on her 3rd birthday with a tray of cupcakes to share, she wore a birthday dress and tiara and was very excited to share her birthday with her friends and nursery making a big deal out of it, just like they do with other kids on their birthdays. We are doing the same for her 4th birthday in a couple of weeks. She’s more excited about spending it with her friends than us, why would you take that away from him 🤷🏼‍♀️