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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at DM over DS' Birthday?

103 replies

blaisealex · 05/07/2021 09:15

DS 3rd Birthday today. We decided in advance we would celebrate yesterday (Sunday), as DH and I both have to work his Birthday on the Monday.

As he's so young, he doesn't actually know what day is his Birthday is. So the plan was to tell him his Birthday was on the Sunday. We had a little family party. Great day. Then this morning I was speaking to DM on FaceTime and she started singing Happy Birthday and telling DS his Birthday was today.

I then took him to Nursery and he started crying and didn't want to go. Now, I feel like the shittest parent ever. And I can't help but feel it's DMs fault. She knew the plan. Today was supposed to just be a normal day, go to work, nursery, etc. And not mention his Birthday. In his mind it was yesterday. He normally has no problem going in to Nursery. But now he knows today is his Birthday and I've had to leave him at Nursery in tears.

AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
sunflowerdaisies · 05/07/2021 09:37

I'd be annoyed too, even if she disagreed for some reason, it's not her place. Sounds like she did it on purpose. Watch her around Christmas, she'll probably tell him about Father Christmas. I hope he has a fun day at nursery regardless.

Original poster
blaisealex · 05/07/2021 09:37

I had prewarned them so they were aware but when I did, they didn't even know when his Birthday was. Acknowledging Birthday's isn't a thing at his Nursery unless he children say it's their Birthday on the day, then they'll sing or whatever.

OP posts:
ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 05/07/2021 09:38

@pastabest

So you have robbed him of the experience of having happy birthday being sung at nursery too?
eek, yes. that's not good
DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 05/07/2021 09:38

@pastabest

So you have robbed him of the experience of having happy birthday being sung at nursery too?
Slightly dramatic there Confused

She did her best to make sure he had a lovely day, felt special and spent 'his birthday' with his parents. He is 3, thats all he needs.

Original poster
blaisealex · 05/07/2021 09:42

He goes to Nursery without fuss normally but he would always much rather be at home. Which is why we did what we did. He wanted a Party on his Birthday with his Family.

OP posts:
Jumpingintosummer · 05/07/2021 09:47

Your mum knew so therefore did it on purpose. Why on earth were you on FaceTime to her pre work/nursery this morning having spent yesterday with her?

finallyfoundout · 05/07/2021 09:47

Even 10 year old DSS managed to keep quiet!

Sad
Original poster
blaisealex · 05/07/2021 09:50

@Jumpingintosummer

Your mum knew so therefore did it on purpose. Why on earth were you on FaceTime to her pre work/nursery this morning having spent yesterday with her?
Because she facetimes us every day. "Show me my grandson. Let me see him."
OP posts:
LadyDanburysHat · 05/07/2021 09:52

Honestly, you created the drama with this ridiculous nonsense of pretending his birthday was a different day. Your Mum obviously decided that she didn't want to go along with it. I do think your Mum wasn't very nice, but the whole situation is ridiculous.

badgerswitharms · 05/07/2021 09:53

Weird to lie to him. Weird to make all your family lie. Surely having a birthday on a weekday is the best as you effectively get 2 days to celebrate?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 05/07/2021 09:55

If nursery never mention it you would have no need to pre warn them. The majority of kids love the birthday fuss at nursery or primary school.

You messed up.

Granohlaa · 05/07/2021 09:56

You are being incredibly precious! I think this is really odd.

You could have made a fuss of his birthday in the time before and after nursery. It’s lovely for them to have a fuss made of them at nursery too.

He’s old enough to understand that he has his party on a different day to his birthday.

30degreesandmeltinghere · 05/07/2021 09:58

Yabu to bullshit your ds...
It's his day today!!

Fairyliz · 05/07/2021 10:00

He’s probably crying because he had too much sugar and got over excited yesterday.
Mine always used to cry if they were out of routine even if it was for a nice reason.

Thehop · 05/07/2021 10:02

Loads of kids at my nursery do this. Parents shift birthdays to suit. It’s a good idea and children don’t know any different.

Your mum was an idiot. But I can’t work out why he’d cry having to go to nursery on his birthday? It’s exciting, having a birthday at nursery! They wear the birthday hat and we sing to them!!!

2021DNA · 05/07/2021 10:04

@pastabest

So you have robbed him of the experience of having happy birthday being sung at nursery too?
GrinGrinGrin
ittakes2 · 05/07/2021 10:06

I also think you are over thinking this. If you got upset its likely this triggered him.

Jumpingintosummer · 05/07/2021 10:08

Because she facetimes us every day. "Show me my grandson. Let me see him

That needs nipped in the bud now!

PhillipPhillop · 05/07/2021 10:09

So did she sing happy birthday yesterday? If not and went along with your plan wouldn't he have realised that grandma hadn't wished him happy birthday at all? But if she did say it to him yesterday then today was a bit unnecessary.

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 05/07/2021 10:11

This is the kind of thing DM does, but potentially much more serious. I'd already told her that DS 9 was very underweight due to the meds he's taking, he knows this as his doctor at CAMHS is quite open with him about it. He was lifting up his shirt to show DM how thin he was, she said "You're a normal, slim boy." I had to have a talk with him, after saying to DM (yet again), that he certainly wasn't. I don't want him thinking that dropping 2 centiles for weight is normal.

luxxlisbon · 05/07/2021 10:12

3 is very young to be upset at having to go to nursery on your birthday, sounds like an adult projection really. Kids usually love going to school or nursery on their birthday because they get another fuss. He probably cried for non related reasons.

Seesawmummadaw · 05/07/2021 10:13

Crazy that you not only lied but got everyone to go along with it. What will you do when he’s old enough to know when his birthday is?
Is he your first?

BlackberrySky · 05/07/2021 10:13

You are over thinking this. In some ways she has done you a favour, as unless their birthday happens to be in the holidays, nearly all children have to go to school /nursery on their birthday. This is entirely normal, and you shouldn't imply to your DS that it's a bad thing. Once he is at school, his party will be most likely on the closest weekend, not the actual day 🙅‍♀️

BlackberrySky · 05/07/2021 10:14

Apologies for the spurious emojis!

MrsClatterbuck · 05/07/2021 10:16

@Jumpingintosummer

Because she facetimes us every day. "Show me my grandson. Let me see him

That needs nipped in the bud now!

Think this is your main problem and agree with the above. There's obviously more to this than her just not doing what you asked her to do.