Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at DM over DS' Birthday?

103 replies

blaisealex · 05/07/2021 09:15

DS 3rd Birthday today. We decided in advance we would celebrate yesterday (Sunday), as DH and I both have to work his Birthday on the Monday.

As he's so young, he doesn't actually know what day is his Birthday is. So the plan was to tell him his Birthday was on the Sunday. We had a little family party. Great day. Then this morning I was speaking to DM on FaceTime and she started singing Happy Birthday and telling DS his Birthday was today.

I then took him to Nursery and he started crying and didn't want to go. Now, I feel like the shittest parent ever. And I can't help but feel it's DMs fault. She knew the plan. Today was supposed to just be a normal day, go to work, nursery, etc. And not mention his Birthday. In his mind it was yesterday. He normally has no problem going in to Nursery. But now he knows today is his Birthday and I've had to leave him at Nursery in tears.

AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
gingerscot · 05/07/2021 10:17

Is this where we’re failing to teach our kids resilience? Why the need to fake a birthday, just explain you had the party yesterday because we’re all working today, tonight we’ll have some more cake and you can blow out the candles again. And you can tell your nursery teacher you’re 3 today! Happy days. Your kid was only upset because you were clearly upset at your mum.

IMNOTSHOUTING · 05/07/2021 10:19

I think you're being ott! Most people have a family party at a convenient time then bring a cake to nursery or school on the day.

Mama1980 · 05/07/2021 10:20

Sorry op I think you're over thinking this. It is his birthday today, your mum was to go against your wishes but the whole date moving thing is silly.

Rachie1973 · 05/07/2021 10:21

Good grief. Why lie to a 3 year old. Will this become your ‘go to’ whenever you think something might upset him?

namechange30455 · 05/07/2021 10:23

@gingerscot

Is this where we’re failing to teach our kids resilience? Why the need to fake a birthday, just explain you had the party yesterday because we’re all working today, tonight we’ll have some more cake and you can blow out the candles again. And you can tell your nursery teacher you’re 3 today! Happy days. Your kid was only upset because you were clearly upset at your mum.
This!

You caused this drama OP by lying to him in the first place. What are you planning to do on his 4th birthday - lie again? Give him the day off? Far better to just explain that we celebrate birthdays at the weekend but isn't that extra fun because you get two, and turn it into an exciting thing!

Goodvibesfamily · 05/07/2021 10:25

@ZeroFuchsGiven

Why would You lie to him?

Its Your birthday tomorrow but we are having a party today covers it Confused

This exactly.
CrouchEndTiger12 · 05/07/2021 10:26

It is a bit strange. 3 yo are generally accepting of more reasons to have fun.

DS we are going to have a big party for you on Sunday for your birthday as it is the last day you are 2. Then on your actual birthday on Monday granny will sing to you, nursery will give you a treat and we will have another party after mummy and daddy pick you up after nursery.

I bet he would he Grin

Why the deception?

RightOnTheEdge · 05/07/2021 10:34

I think you were both unreasonable.
You for lying to him about his birthday and getting all the family and even his nursery to lie too. Weird and precious.
If the nursery doesn't mention birthdays why did you need to warn them of your plan?

Your DM shouldn't have gone against your wishes though.

ApolloandDaphne · 05/07/2021 10:39

I think it is very odd to lie to a child about when their birthday is. They are going to have weekday/school day birthday for the next few years before it comes back round to a weekend. They need to get used to the idea a birthday moves days.

Costumeidea · 05/07/2021 10:40

Yeah you have contradicted yourself here OP. The nursery don’t know but you prewarned them anyway. Why?

Also lying to him was proper weird.

mamaoffourdc · 05/07/2021 10:42

He is probably just a bit overtired from the party yesterday - glad this is all you to get to be angry about in your life 🙄

Tlollj · 05/07/2021 10:43

Like others have said why lie?
Just say we’re having a party today and you can go to nursery tomorrow and take some cakes and they will sing to you there too.

girlmom21 · 05/07/2021 10:46

I also think it's really bizarre that you've lied to him. We have a 2 year old and she understood that on the Friday she was going to have cakes and a party with her friends at nursery and on Saturday she was going to have cakes and a party with mommy and daddy.

Kids aren't stupid. If you'd just explained it to him he'd not have got upset. Instead you created this whole charade and are now blaming the one person who chose to tell him the truth?

Sciurus83 · 05/07/2021 10:47

Made a rod for your own back there didn't you! Totally unnecessary to lie

slightlysnippy · 05/07/2021 10:55

Unless your mother has a track record for undermining your decisions, the issue here is you've lied to kid, and now you've been caught.

We've always, as most people's probably, have the birthday party at the weekend, get up early on actual birthday on nursery/school day to open presents and then when we're all home a special family dinner with grandparents.

Your kid missed out on fun birthday stuff at his nursery also.

Soubriquet · 05/07/2021 11:00

Definitely weird to lie

“Alright Bruce, it’s your birthday tomorrow, but as mummy and daddy are working, and you’ve got nursery, we are celebrating today! And tomorrow, you get to take some sweets into nursery for your friends too. Won’t that be fun?”

Costumeidea · 05/07/2021 11:03

@slightlysnippy

Unless your mother has a track record for undermining your decisions, the issue here is you've lied to kid, and now you've been caught.

We've always, as most people's probably, have the birthday party at the weekend, get up early on actual birthday on nursery/school day to open presents and then when we're all home a special family dinner with grandparents.

Your kid missed out on fun birthday stuff at his nursery also.

I’m awaiting a big old drip feed because I imagine the answers aren’t going the way OP would like.
Sirzy · 05/07/2021 11:06

What a strange way to go about things in the first place. Most nurseries make a great fuss over children when it’s their birthday.

Original poster
blaisealex · 05/07/2021 11:14

Perhaps I went about it all wrong this year. Maybe next year I should do as advised and explain that his Birthday is on a Nursery day and he'll have lots of fun at Nursery and can take some cakes in to celebrate, etc. And at the weekend, either before or after, he can celebrate with Mum, Dad and family. Though, I still think it was wrong of DM to undermine our wishes and go against what we had asked. But next year, I'll do it differently so this can't happen again.

OP posts:
Original poster
blaisealex · 05/07/2021 11:15

I had actually always envisioned that if his Birthday fell on a weekday, he could have the day off every year to celebrate. But DH vetoed this. Grin

OP posts:
Kottbullar · 05/07/2021 11:16

Your Mum was unfair to do this if that's what she agreed to but I can't fathom why you would create this situation in the first place Confused

Original poster
blaisealex · 05/07/2021 11:16

@mamaoffourdc

He is probably just a bit overtired from the party yesterday - glad this is all you to get to be angry about in your life 🙄
🙄
OP posts:
Original poster
blaisealex · 05/07/2021 11:17

@luxxlisbon

3 is very young to be upset at having to go to nursery on your birthday, sounds like an adult projection really. Kids usually love going to school or nursery on their birthday because they get another fuss. He probably cried for non related reasons.
He doesn't really like to go to Nursery anyway. So, I guess in this scenario, he now knows it's his Birthday, he's got all his balloons and Birthday Presents at home so now he wants to go even less.
OP posts:
Kottbullar · 05/07/2021 11:20

Sorry OP cross posted. Glad you're going to rethink next year.

pastabest · 05/07/2021 11:22

@blaisealex

Perhaps I went about it all wrong this year. Maybe next year I should do as advised and explain that his Birthday is on a Nursery day and he'll have lots of fun at Nursery and can take some cakes in to celebrate, etc. And at the weekend, either before or after, he can celebrate with Mum, Dad and family. Though, I still think it was wrong of DM to undermine our wishes and go against what we had asked. But next year, I'll do it differently so this can't happen again.
Yes that would be the normal thing to do Grin

Glad you came back OP, I agree she shouldn't have undermined you but you were being a bit silly about this.

Getting cross at granny for singing happy birthday on the child's actual birthday is probably not the hill to die on, especially if you envisage bigger battles in the future because it will be used as an (unfortunately good) example of how you are controlling/unreasonable you are.

Nursery will have been proper rolling their eyes too (sorry Grin)

Swipe left for the next trending thread