Locked Kitchen Cupboard reactions

[LockedAndLoaded1]

Is it considered strange to have a lock on one of your kitchen cupboards?

So as a single person, I have been dating, and on three occasions now, when I’ve brought a date home, they have had surprising (to me) reactions to my locked kitchen cupboard.

This is not a lock I have put on there myself, I moved into the property and it was already this way, it is built almost seamlessly as part of the kitchen design, and there is a turn key on one of the units… I do use this to place my more personal items.

When someone tries to open it, it resists, of course. And then I am questioned about it… I find that wrong and intrusive! First you shouldn’t try to open something that has a turn key on it, and second, you shouldn’t question me about it!

The most serious occasion was when I was dating someone, and after the second time she’d stayed over, we both found whatever was between us wasn’t working out for either of us… at the end when she wanted to list the ways it hadn’t worked out, one of them was that my kitchen cupboard was locked! Does that have anything to do with anything at all?? Really?

And only last night, after having a date stay over her first time, I came into the kitchen to witness her staring and really frowning at it! I’m not sure I would have even noticed if it was me let alone frown at it.

Is it weird to have a kitchen cupboard with a lock and to actually use that lock?

I really want a locked cupboard in my kitchen now! If I was the sort of person who frequently had visitors, I would definitely want to use it for my medication. Not because it's shocking or shameful (it is really fairly basic and dull) but because it's private and someone who should have known better once stole some and tried to use it to get high, meaning that when I needed it urgently, it was empty.

I'm planning a new kitchen soon and I might fit locks to all of the cupboards, just for the sheer joy of my husband not being able to fill every drawer and cupboard with crap (Spanners, tractor parts, rusty screws etc). I probably won't because the whining would be too much to bear, but one will be getting a lock for sure.

OP, perhaps the cupboard can become a litmus test? If a new girlfriend either doesn't mention it, or doesn't seem bothered by it, perhaps that's a sign that they are okay with respecting your privacy generally and your cupboard in particular. You feeling okay about them seeing inside/having access to the key would be a sign that the whole relationship is good for you.

It doesn't matter if other people wouldn't live the way you do. What matters is your right to your own boundaries. I hope you meet someone soon who makes you comfortable enough to share your cupboard.

I'd think it was a little odd, but I would assume you were being cautious about kitchen chemicals and cleaning agents.

I would assume you were a serial killer

A locked kitchen cupboard could be useful for keeping medicines in if there's young children - particularly for someone who might be on prescribed medication (eg for epilespsy).
Having put on the lock - not sure why you'd bother taking it off - or as in your case, if it came like that why would you bother going to the expense of taking it off? I'd not bother locking it though - but if its the case that you need to lock it to use it, I would certainly use it!

I wouldn't be bothered about people asking me about though - it's not usual (apart from when there's small children). I'd just say as you have - it came like that and you've found you like having it.

I don't think it's weird at all. It's a safety thing. When I moved into this house there was a lock on the sink unit cupboards, to keep out the last occupant's SN child. Only thing weird is your visitor's reaction.

I think it's less about the cupboard and more about trust and generosity. If you're defensive about what's in it then that indicates a lack of trust and possibly an unwillingness to share the best biscuits.

I doubt anyone would be weird about a cupboard but rather the way you deal with it when it comes up.

Can't believe posters are saying it's weird to be 'secretive' about what's in there let alone visitors who actually try the door! Is it because a kitchen is deemed fair game? A study or bedroom or bathroom locked cupboard wouldn't cause any interest surely? If you know someone has a safe do you ask what's in it?

It's weird. But my linen closet has a lock on the door. So I can lock my towels in when they get too rowdy.

My mum had a house with a full sized kitchen cupboard with a lock - housing association house.

We didn't think it was weird we just assumed it was for medicine.

She put all her first aid and medical supplies in it as well as passports and other items that shouldn't be left out.

I have put my own locking medicine cabinet in my kitchen. I think it's weird people would give it more thought

This is an amazing test to filter out overnight stays.

Date is the kind of person that rummages through your cupboards on the first stay?

Date is the kind of person who doesn't respect your right to privacy and gets unnerved by a space where they are not allowed?

Or is the date just a regular chilled person who doesn't even notice the cupboard until overnight stay 10 because they were busy focused on other things.

So basically the date passes the cupboard test and you see them again. They fail and you have sent a control freak quickly on their way. Sounds amazing.

But if it’s turn key then it’s a visible lock, so it’s not as if they’ve had a rustle in all your cupboards and just noticed one is locked. They can very clearly see there is a lock on one cupboard. And while I understand a lot of PPs are saying it’d be useful to have one, a person has probably been in a hundred kitchens in their life (theirs, family, random friends whilst growing up, maybe work colleagues, dates of the one night or several week variety, relationships, etc) and if they’ve NEVER seen a locking kitchen cupboard, you might go, “Hang on a minute…” I admit, I still wouldn’t attempt to open it, or stand frowning at it, but I might think it strange.

Also, I love that someone said, it wouldn’t be weird unless you were dating someone for a year and they still didn’t know what was in the cupboard and then OP pipes up and says, “Oh yes, I did have a year-long relationship and never gave them access to the cupboard.” That’s comedy. So… now do people think it’s weird? If OP won’t open his or her kitchen cupboard entrance to Narnia for someone after a year-long relationship?

Also, everyone with a cupboard like this, please be careful storing medication in it. Guidelines now are not to store medication in the bathroom due to changing temperatures and possibility of water damage (due to steam), and the kitchen may be the same, depending on where the cupboard is located.

We have a lockable kitchen cupboard. We had the lock installed ourselves. We keep cleaning products - bleach, drain unblocker, washing tablets etc - in there so that the DC can’t get at them.

So while I know it’s unusual to have a lockable kitchen cupboard, I think that it’s something that can make sense in some circumstances. And if you moved into a property that already had a lockable cupboard, then why not use it?

And while I can see why someone might think it’s a bit weird to use the locked cupboard when you live alone, I also think that your dates are being really nosy. It seems equally odd to be having a nosy in every cupboard in someone’s kitchen and to then question them about the cupboards that wouldn’t open.

This is interesting. My first reaction was 'thats a good idea, wish I had one'.
In the context of dates not liking it I'd assume they have an issue with boundaries, and haven't had enough life experience to assume you have somewhere safe to store meds and chemicals.

It's weird (particularly when you live alone), but random people trying to get into it are even weirder.

A lockable cupboard in the kitchen brings to mind images of cruel foster parents starving children and not allowing them access to food.
Yes I would think it's weird.

I would also think it's really weird that you would lock a cupboard in the kitchen when you live alone.

Yes, it's super weird.

It's also weird that a guest would just go and help themselves in your kitchen, unless you have been intimate I guess. If you have shared a bed, bit weird not to be able to go in the kitchen!

Take a scenario where you are sleeping, can't see anything wrong with date going to kitchen to grab a glass and some water for example.

If you are living alone, locking a kitchen cabinet is odd.

I would assume you were a serial killer

This^ (What's in that cupboard ? Revolver ? Poison ? Rope ? Handcuffs ? Duct tape ?)

and this It's weird. But my linen closet has a lock on the door. So I can lock my towels in when they get too rowdy.

Look at MY locked private secret cupboard. It's got a lock and I'm the only one with a key. I'm so SPECIAL.

Why are they going in your kitchen cupboards if they've only stayed over once or twice? I'd find that an invasion of my privacy personally.
We have an antique kitchen unit in our new house and are restoring it. The top cupboards had locks on them and we will be putting them back in - nothing weird at all about having a locking cupboard in your kitchen. You can keep whatever you want in your cupboards, personal or not.

Your op said your dates found it weird but then later you say you had a year long relationship and wouldn’t let them in the cupboard or tell them what was in it? That is definitely definitely weird.

It's weird if you live alone, unless if you have older kids with sn who are liable to overeat, take pills or something.

@Regularsizedrudy

Your op said your dates found it weird but then later you say you had a year long relationship and wouldn’t let them in the cupboard or tell them what was in it? That is definitely definitely weird.

This^^

I would find it strange given that you live alone and don't have young children.

Cupboard must contain either illegal drugs, rohypnol, or the teeth/hair of previous victims.

The fact you didn't let feel at ease to share the contents with someone you dated for a year, is very odd imo.

@FlibbertyGiblets

The weird thing is that OP locks away stuff from herself.

Yes!!

I don't know about "weird" but it's a bit unusual, and some people do naturally react to unusual stuff.

I don't think it would be important enough for me to let it get in the way of new relationships though. I'd probably make a joke out of it. "Oh, you've not seen one of those before? That's jaffa cake cupboard. you lock them in there and leave the under the bathroom scales."

Why would people be intrigued by a kitchen cupboard? If it were a locked unit somewhere else in the home, that might be more of a deliberate and unusual act.
I'd find a locked kitchen cupboard really weird. What on earth does someone need to keep private in a kitchen? Bathroom –might be dangerous prescription medication. Hallway –keys etc. Living area –personal papers like insurance, finance etc. Kitchen –??????

Having said that, I wouldn't poke about in someone's kitchen or try to open it. I would privately think it weird though and would wonder what you were hiding/if you were a mass murderer.

Well I've not seen a locked cupboard in a kitchen before (bar student flats) so its unusual. But not weird. And these people acting weird when they find a cupboard in someone's house that they can't access - weird and rude!