Red flag or just a bad time?

[Foodlovelyfood33]

Been on 4 dates with a guy. I like him, we get on well, find him attractive. But he told me on our 3rd date that he was arrested and found innocent for attempted rape. He said he wanted to be honest. I am not too sure how I feel about it.

He said he went on a few dates with a woman a few years ago. He went back to hers and they started kissing and watching a movie. She was getting really drunk and he said he didn’t want to have sex with her that drunk. Said she flipped got nasty, called her friend and said he was horrible and he then left in a taxi. 2 days later she reported him to the police and said she thinks he sexually assaulted her as she can’t remember. He said the 2 days between she kept texting him saying he rejected her and missed best night of his life and then saying she can’t remember.

It went through a 6 month investigation - he said delayed as forensics took ages. He couldn’t work and was on medication lost friends etc. It was dropped as police said her story didn’t add up and seemed revengeful no evidence to suggest anything happened.

He hasn’t dated much since as he said took him ages to trust people again. I have nothing to base the story on. Is it true or not? Just he was arrested and found innocent on sexual assault and his description.

Based on out interactions i wouldnt think so, but I don’t know him. He has always waited for me to make the first move. So would you continue? Can’t get this out my head.

I had a friend accuse a man of rape. I knew it was a lie as she had been harassing him all night and he left early and she fell asleep, next day she said he had been touching her all night etc yet he had been at home - _- thankfully cctv proved his innocence

Wow. All these innocent men who have been falsely accused is staggering! Almost unbelievable.

I know of two women who jave done similar and been proven wrong with very strong evidence (one caught lying by CCTV, one caught by DNA evidence after the guy had already spend a couple of years in jail - she's in jail now). So I'd believe him.

FrankButchersDickieBow Completely unbelievable!

Just he was arrested and found innocent

There is no such thing as 'found innocent'. Even if it goes to court, it's guilty or not guilty.

Personally I wouldn't want to take a chance with this man.

My ex has been "falsely accused" three times either he is incredibly unlucky or lucky he keeps getting away with it either way he is now seeing a girl out of the area im waiting for the next police phone call

@Awalkintime

FrankButchersDickieBow Completely unbelievable!

wow

Wow. All these innocent men who have been falsely accused is staggering! Almost unbelievable.

Yes. I mean say for example, I wanted to undermine women as credible witnesses in crimes against them, it's almost as if spreading these stories is something I'd do.

@LaurieFairyCake

Well he wasn't 'found innocent'

It either went to court and he was found not guilty in England

Or it was dropped

Which was it ?

This. The case was dropped. He wasn’t found innocent - there’s no such thing anyway, in a court you’re found guilty or not guilty (or the case is thrown out).

He might be innocent, but only he and the woman know the truth.

The Case was dropped

@RealBecca

Claires Law.

I would also tell him you want to give him the benefit of the doubt but you need to see the texts from her.

Ask yourself if there is any way you would delete those messages if you had been accused. I wouldn't. And if the case was dropped he would have got his phone back.

My friend never got his phone back so could never prove his innocence to anyone. It's still his word against hers. We assume the police saw the threats though hence the case bring dropped.

In answer to another post where they ask why someone would believe the man over the woman, in my case it was because I saw her toxic, obsessive, possessive & irrational behaviour over a number of years. She had also accused him of rape on another occasion to her mates then retracted it saying she was just angry at him. I am glad he finally got away from her, just a shame the reason nearly ruined his life. Luckily he is happily married now to a lovely woman

Cases being dropped helps nobody..

He's not been found Guilty ..

He's not been Not Guilty..

there is only He said She said..

🌸

None of the anecdotal advice here about likelihood has any worth. He may or may not be guilty of the alleged crime.

OP's trust in his word is then only thing that has relevance, and if she trusted him, she wouldn't be posting.

@TheFoundations

None of the anecdotal advice here about likelihood has any worth. He may or may not be guilty of the alleged crime.

OP's trust in his word is then only thing that has relevance, and if she trusted him, she wouldn't be posting.

yip 🌸

This has happened to a friend of mine.

His ex reported him for rape. But he had messages from her after the fact, begging him to take her back. And witnesses saying no such thing happened.

I would give him the benefit of the doubt. It probably took a lot for him to come out and tell you this.

I have used - Clare's law once www.met.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/daa/domestic-abuse/alpha2/request-information-under-clares-law/

Personal experience would mean I would walk away from this one but its up to you

@Brefugee

Shocking as that figure is, it's not 97.7% of all women. It's 22,351 out of that particular study The average population of women in the UK is approx 34 million

you know how statistical analysis and sampling works, right? that's a massive study

@Brefugee no I don't. Enlighten me

Big fat massive red flag. I was rapped by someone who was also accused of rape. I naively believed him and if I could go back in time I would have run a mile. Even if he was innocent I wouldn't put yourself in possible danger.