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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that DH should put DS1's first parent-teacher interview before going out drinking tonight with his workmates?

29 replies

mm22bys · 23/11/2007 15:43

Please tell me I am over-reacting and that IABU.

DS1 (3.5) has his first P-T interview this afternoon from 5.15-5.30. I thought DH was going to come with me. He has just rung me to ask if it's acceptable for him to go drinking with his workmates instead of coming to the interview.

I think he should come with me, and then go out drinking, but his office is moving this afternoon so they finished at 3.30 and they are already at the pub?

AIBU? Is it actually a minor thing this P-T interview that only one of us should go to?

OP posts:
ksld · 23/11/2007 15:54

Think YABU a bit - sorry!
If they have already gone to the pub at 3.30 and everyone else from the office has gone, it would be very hard to say he can't because he has a 15 minute appointment at the school in 2 hours time....and do you want him to come smelling of pub?

I am presuming this is a Nursery P-T interview? It's just a formality really isn't it? I don't have much experience of this as DS (just 3) has had only one at his Nursery - I was just shown his file with one day of observing him. There's not much they can say about what they are doing at 3 is there? He played in the sand and ran about a lot....I would just go along yourself not expecting much. If there were any problems with your DS I would expect the Nursery to have picked up on them with you already.

Go on your own, accepting his night out gracefully, and then demand some recompense for yourself this weekend! Nice bubble bath with no disturbance or something.

ajandjjmum · 23/11/2007 15:55

Can he not go to the Pub for an hour, and then come with you?

scorpio1 · 23/11/2007 15:56

Just tell dh that next year is his turn. IMO its important when they are full time school, not 3. i went alone to both ds1 (Year 1) and ds2 (3) meetings, because of circumstances.

At least he rang to check

belgo · 23/11/2007 15:56

he doesn't need to go to the P-T thing. I go to those things on my own.

FawningBrownNose · 23/11/2007 15:59

And it might not be the best idea to take a beery breath slurry bloke to the meeting with you.

skeletonbones · 23/11/2007 16:12

I'm going to go against the grain and say YANBU I think that it would be nice for DS for both parents to come and have a look at his new nursery if they are both able to come, if your bloke was working and couldn't get out fair enough but the pub isn't essential is it, couldn't he meet up with them later?
would he be ok with you missing the interview to go to the pub and him doing it if the situations were reversed?

hayCHingleBells · 23/11/2007 16:15

Well, id be cross with my dp, but tbh he wouldnt be listening or interested (not the same level as me) in what teacher was saying. I am mostly cross when the pub comes first before seeing dc most of the time not just on these sorts of occassions.

So yes yabu but yanbu at the same time.

SoupDragon · 23/11/2007 16:16

YABU, it's a very minor thing. Especially at 3.5!!

robin3 · 23/11/2007 16:17

I'd be hacked off as well...shows a complete lack of interest. Probably doesn't really matter though if I'm being sensible.

SoupDragon · 23/11/2007 16:17

We've never been to DSs P/T consultations together. One parent or the other, sometimes with the child in question in tow.

nametaken · 23/11/2007 16:17

skeleton has got a v. good point here.

OK its not that important when your only 3.5 but going to the pub isn't that important either - it's a matter of priorities. are you a working mum? Coz if you are you definately need to get this sorted quickly otherwise when he gets to school you are going find yourself taking responsibility for everything with OH does all the fun things.

Put your foot down and start as you mean to go on or you'll make a rod for your own back.

robin3 · 23/11/2007 16:21

You can't win if you put yr foot down...if he comes he'll only do it begrudgingly. Go and don't tell him anything about it....his loss.

geekymummy · 23/11/2007 16:23

I must say I agree with nametaken - v salient points there... you don't want him assuming that you will be solely responsible for school meetings, etc

Carmenere · 23/11/2007 16:24

YABU all they say at these meetings is your dc is very good and great at scribbling and saying the alphabet. It is not vital or even important that your dh is there. just tell him to go and enjoy himself and that he has to go to the next one.

captainmummy · 23/11/2007 16:25

You are really just making the P/T consult to be a bigger thing than he thinks it is, which is annoyng, but not major. At age 3.5(wtf?) the teacher is going to say - he is lovely, doing well, no problems.
BTW I do the P/T consults on my own, (mine are 15 10 and 8) and I don't expect him to be back from work in time, so it doesn't bother me.

coolkat · 23/11/2007 16:26

Hi, I think YANBU my DH would be gutted if he could not attend any parent teacher meetings. I don't think it would hurt to come home and then go to the pub afterwards. The first teacher meeting is only going to happen once. Sorry.

clumsymum · 23/11/2007 16:29

I actually think he should WANT to come with you, but of course you can't make him WANT to.

In your shoes I wouldn't have a problem if he couldn't get back because of WORK, but I would be pretty cross if he couldn't because he'd rather be at the pub.

TBH I'd be giving him a pretty cold-shoulder when he did get home.

HuwEdwards · 23/11/2007 16:29

I don't think YABU, however as it's nursery, I don't think it's a big deal. Me and DP never went to these together.

clumsymum · 23/11/2007 16:32

Oh, I don't think nursery will be at all surprised if dh doesn't go, mums always seem to do this, mostly alone.
But dh comes to them whenever work commitments allow.

Hulababy · 23/11/2007 16:38

YANBU in my opinion. DS is his son as much as yours and he shoud take as much responsibility over school (nursery) based stuff as you do. Infact for a child to see a father take interest and support his schooling (and yes I know this is nursery but it starts young and needs too) is a great benefit to many children, and can be especially important for boys to see

In our house both parents attend P-T consultations.

If he finished work at 3:30 today then there is no reason at all for him not going with you.

I guess it depends on his priorities....I wouldn't be impressed.

OrmIrian · 23/11/2007 16:39

YAB a little U. However if he's your first child it's forgiveable . And it is only nursery - I don't think we had such things at our nursery. When he is older it may become more vital that both of you go, or at least you take it in turns.

Original poster
mm22bys · 23/11/2007 16:40

Right - update.

When he rang, he asked what I thought he should do. I told him to do what he thinks is right.

He has just turned up at home now, after having I think 2 beers.

I think he did the right thing, had not too much to drink (still 1/2 hr till the meeting) so he got to see his workmates, and he gets to come to the PT as well.

Thanks for your responses!

OP posts:
Hulababy · 23/11/2007 16:41

That is great to hear. Now get him to swallow a packet of mints

Iota · 23/11/2007 16:43

another vote for YABU

I don't recall my dh has ever attended one at nursery - in fact I sometimes didn't attend myself, just got a copy of the report to peruse at my leisure.

lucyellensmum · 23/11/2007 17:05

mm22bys - you have a great DH - what a star, there was i ready to post a whole YANBU diatribe and he came through in the end with no "nagging" required. I think that it isnt the most important meeting of yoru sons school career but i do think it is important that both parents attend wherever possible. Of course you do realise that you will owe him some sort of "favour" now .