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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to stop the online grocery orders and delivery?

146 replies

BouncyDaisy · 03/07/2021 17:58

I live at home with my mother. I have an account with one of the online groceries home delivery shops. Every week since last winter I was did online groceries for a home delivery.

We have a problem now at home. The yard is neglected and the grass is getting too long. This problem wasn't bad in the winter because the grass died from the cold over the winter. Back in April of this year I knew this was going to be an issue. I suggested to my mother that I could get a battery operated strimmer online because they are easier on the back and she dismissed the idea because I am female and she said not to be ridiculous because we already have a grass strimmer. It's a petrol one by the way. It was bought a few years ago where my brother used it to cut the grass. He still lives at home but he has some issues with drugs and he's a stoner. My mother had faith in him back in April/May of this year that he was going to cut the grass. He hasn't cut the grass and he won't do it either. My mother doesn't want to get a gardener to cut the grass or even some of the grass because I suppose she can't afford it because she's too busy allowing my brother to live free at home. She likes to pity him for being male and she subsides his share of all of the household bills. It's only recently I put in this boundary where all the bills are to go 3 ways and if she wants him to go free, she can pay for him. Before that the bills were 50/50 between me and her. My mother has narcissistic tendencies and I was paying up to maintain the peace.

The grass situation is getting ridiculous now. Its too long. I will put up a picture with a lot of the area cropped. This isn't even half of it. It's as high as the windows now. To get into the door, you need to climb through the grass where there is a small path. It's not too bad on a dry day. It's manageable but on a wet day, it's awful because the legs and shoes get wet. I'm experiencing problems now too with ticks. I went out to the bins the other evening and the next day I found a tick stuck to me. I suspect it was from climbing through the grass. I'm experiencing regular problems now with ticks. My brother is a drug addict and he spends a lot of time in his room and he doesn't have the problem of ticks because he's not battling through the grass.

I think the grass is so bad now. I don't think it's very fair for a delivery driver to battle through this grass to deliver groceries. There's also massive weeds within inches of the front door.

AIBU to stop the online grocery orders and delivery?
OP posts:
TheRebelle · 03/07/2021 18:59

Either cut the grass or pay someone to do it, or my preferred option, move out.

Peoniesandpeaches · 03/07/2021 18:59

Petrol strummers really aren’t that difficult to use and buy some weed killer for the drive while your at it. They are heavier than an electric one but not prohibitively. If you can carry groceries on the bus you’ll manage it no bother. Once it’s cut back a ways then it’s so much easier and faster to maintain

Thisismyname77463 · 03/07/2021 19:00

How do you leave the house if it’s too difficult to get past.
What did you do last summer for the grass.

Peoniesandpeaches · 03/07/2021 19:01

Also you enabling your mother ultimately enables your brother. Try www.adfam.org.Uk for some really practical advice on your living situation.

UserAtLarge · 03/07/2021 19:03

@mpsw

Sod all that for a game of soldiers

Just get a scythe

Exactly what I was thinking!

(Other than why OP was still living there).

Dreamstate · 03/07/2021 19:07

Just buy weed killer, the strong one and water it all. Then it'll die and never grow back, thus solving problem for a long time!

Nocutenamesleft · 03/07/2021 19:08

You don’t need your mothers permission to buy sanitary towels do you?

So why can’t you go out and buy a strummer? Google it?

Stopping the shopping just feels like cutting off your nose to spite your face.

I can’t quite see how you’ve come to this conclusion?

Grellbunt · 03/07/2021 19:10

This sounds a bit complicated. You sound like you could do with some support... try the website suggested above.

You can do it OP

Hankunamatata · 03/07/2021 19:11

Move out and leave them to it

Tal45 · 03/07/2021 19:11

You will definitely need to strim before you mow otherwise you will just flatten the really long grass rather than cut it . It looks like it could be a great wild flower meadow though :-) I'd leave any areas with lots of flowers and just strim/mow where it's mainly grass. I do all strimming/mowing in our house. If you don't know how to use the strimmer just look it up on line. It can be heavy and tricky to pull the wire to make it longer (well ours is, hubby does that) but just do a bit at a time. It's not fair to ask a delivery driver to come through that when you know there are ticks until there is a path - just strim a path to start with as a strimmer is hard on your back after a while. Please don't use weed killer though :-(

SecretKeeper1 · 03/07/2021 19:12

Am I the only one confused by the OP photo being photoshopped/covered?

I need an explanation. Surely a mud track can’t be too outing?

Bumpsadaisie · 03/07/2021 19:13

Confused - why don't you just cut the grass with the strimmer?

You just hold it near the grass and that's that ....

Longestfewdaysupcoming · 03/07/2021 19:13

@SecretKeeper1

Am I the only one confused by the OP photo being photoshopped/covered?

I need an explanation. Surely a mud track can’t be too outing?

No I am too!
Heyyeahyouwiththesadface · 03/07/2021 19:13

@BouncyDaisy

Nobody showed me how to use the strimmer before. I don't know how to operate the strimmer. I know there is a fuel tank to the back of the strimmer and a line feed to the front of the strimmer but I don't know how to operate it. I asked to be showed so many times but he won't show me.

I wanted to buy my own strimmer but a battery operated one so that I can learn from the instructions and also it would be lighter on the back. My mother dismissed that idea and placed faith that my brother will cut the grass.

He clearly isn’t going to do it so just buy a strimmer. No idea how long a battery charged one lasts per charge, you could just get a cheap normal one and a long extension.
Grellbunt · 03/07/2021 19:13

Have you been taught in the past that addressing problems directly causes you to be harmed? Cos it sounds to me like you've got into the habit of approaching things in a bit of a roundabout way. Have you been taught that your feelings don't matter? Is that why you're making about the delivery driver rather than yourself? Because you're suffering with this and you're allowed to say that because you matter. Your feelings are important too.

HeronLanyon · 03/07/2021 19:14

Lots of good suggestions here. I have a scythe and use it to cut paths through a wild flower field. Maybe that would be an idea. But far better and more straightforward ideas above.
Cut to the chase - get it sorted. You can do it.

Chloemol · 03/07/2021 19:15

Just buy a s trimmer and use it

Then start looking to move out

SirVixofVixHall · 03/07/2021 19:17

I am confused OP. Why have you coloured in areas of the picture ?
You can get long handled shears if you don’t want to use a strimmer .

FAQs · 03/07/2021 19:19

A son who is a ‘stoner’ a daughter who can’t work out how to use a strimmer and a mother who won’t stand up to either of you or do it herself!

JaffaRaf · 03/07/2021 19:19

Crazy, either buy a strimmer or work out how to use the petrol one, if the internet can lead you to online shopping and mumsnet it can show you how to operate a strimmer. It’s pointless criticising your mum and brother when you are also letting them rule basic parts of your life, you are an adult (I assume), take control! Cancelling the shopping delivery to combat long grass and a reluctance to actually deal with it yourself is just a bizarre idea.

postcardhell · 03/07/2021 19:19

If you can't work out how to use the petrol strimmer then buy the battery one. Why is it up to your mum? You are wasting a lot of time and energy worrying about what other people are and aren't doing. If you're getting tick bites, then cut the grass for your own benefit because it sounds very unlikely that your brother will step up.

And do the same re the grocery shop: if it's easier/better for you to continue with it then do so, but if you'd prefer not to have a delivery then cancel. But don't cancel because the grass is too long - you need to deal with that anyway.

Dyingflowersagain · 03/07/2021 19:20

Sorry OP, grow up and move out.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 03/07/2021 19:22

Nobody showed you how to use MN presumably too. There has never before been easier access to ANY kind of information including "how to use x model strimmer" on youtube.

I had a sympathy as you obviously live in some horrible set up, but I have no sympathy for women doing "but I can't do it as a mere woman".

BillyIsMyBunny · 03/07/2021 19:22

Why do you need your mothers permission to buy a strimmer? Presumably you’re an adult so if you want a battery powered strimmer just buy a battery powered strimmer.

To be honest though in your situation I think I would be looking for ways to move out as your living situations sounds unnecessarily difficult on all sides.

Wauden · 03/07/2021 19:23

Could you buy some long handled shears, not too heavy, and just cut a bit every day? Even if just to make a path for yourself and delivery driver.
By the way, how does your brother's drug dealer get through?