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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my baby nap on me and ignore DH?

150 replies

LuckyInStar · 03/07/2021 00:08

Baby DC is only 5 months.

He's a great sleeper at night but in the daytime will only ever nap in my arms. He has two big naps in the day, probably for an hour and a half - 2 hours each and then at night from 10 - 6.

I am quite happy to let him continue sleeping on me in the day. Yes it's sometimes a bit limiting not being able to really get up and do much whilst he's sleeping but I love the snuggles and to be totally honest, it's my time to MN and watch telly with a hot drink.

DH thinks I'm creating a rod for my own back and I'll regret it. Need to start putting him down in his cot for naps (I've tried and he screamed and screamed every time and I couldn't bare it).

I think he will get better at it as he gets older and for now it's not hurting anyone and as he sleeps well in the night that's the most important thing.

So AIBU to ignore DH and continue "spoiling" as he says, DS with daytime contact naps?

OP posts:
Original poster
LuckyInStar · 03/07/2021 00:10

Sorry meant to say he has other smaller naps here and there too but they are the biggest stretches where I'm sat with him for the longest.

OP posts:
Mummyof2andapig · 03/07/2021 00:11

I ended up regretting it with mine but it’s up to you really and you may not have the same experience!

MiddlesexGirl · 03/07/2021 00:13

5 month? - I'd agree with your DH sorry.

He sounds like he gets quite a decent amount of sleep so maybe he doesn't need to sleep so much. Or maybe he can daytime nap closer to you rather than away (presumably) in his cot.
I'm all for preserving the me time while he naps though.

Notawonderfultime · 03/07/2021 00:13

My DS is 1 and a half now and slept great at night, but only on me or DP during the day. We tried sleep training which worked but had a regression about 6 months and back to square one. Because he slept fine at night we didn't put too much pressure on it and one day at about 10 months its just seemed to click and DS would nap in his cot on his own. You'll miss it once they dont need it anymore so I'd say just enjoy the time if it suits you!

Teacupsandtoast · 03/07/2021 00:14

I'd be transferring him in to the buggy once asleep, rock rock rock with a muslin that smells of you, then scroll mumsnet/watch tv with free hands...

Gladiolys · 03/07/2021 00:15

Sounds like it’s working fine if he’s sleeping that well at night. If you’re happy with the arrangement, let it continue. There’s plenty of time to work on getting him in his cot if that’s what you want eventually.

hysteriaonthedancefloor · 03/07/2021 00:15

It's up to you. If you want that time, have it. But if he turns into a baby that can't self soothe it's going to be up to you to deal with.

Stonelovelace · 03/07/2021 00:15

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

42andnotaclue · 03/07/2021 00:16

I would give anything to have those times back. You may be making a rod for your own back but if you enjoy it and it gives you some time to relax definitely do it. You don't get those days back again. Enjoy every single second of baby sleeping on your chest. It's natural and perfect.

Wearywithteens · 03/07/2021 00:18

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Original poster
LuckyInStar · 03/07/2021 00:18

@Teacupsandtoast

I'd be transferring him in to the buggy once asleep, rock rock rock with a muslin that smells of you, then scroll mumsnet/watch tv with free hands...
I have actually done this a few times, put him in his pram seat and rocked it a bit. He goes quite well in there sometimes. But doesn't like being completely away in his cot. DH thinks it has to be the cot upstairs. I don't keep quiet or anything so I think part of it is the sounds of the TV/us talking etc... which is why he'll sleep okay in the living room in pram but not upstairs in the cot.

I am not going back to work until the full year so we have some time yet so I don't see the need to rush it. He was so, so upset when we tried it last.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 03/07/2021 00:19

We always put our little one in her Moses basket/cot to sleep by that age but as their parents you decide what's right for you.

Neither of you should dictate your parenting approach - discuss both your views properly.

Original poster
LuckyInStar · 03/07/2021 00:23

Neither of you should dictate your parenting approach - discuss both your views properly

I agree but I think on this subject, I'm the one here in the day so I'm the only one it's actually affecting right now. DH is in work, he's not the one who has to be up and down up and down trying to soothe him in his cot all afternoon. He sleeps well at night in there so that's not an issue. If he didn't sleep well in there ever, I would be a bit more open to the idea of it but we get a good sleep at night.

OP posts:
Lostinacloud · 03/07/2021 00:25

I have 4DC and I just can’t agree that you are making a rod for your own back. None of the habits or phases last forever and I’m also an advocate for whatever works for you, and which you are happy with at the time, makes you and the DC happier overall.
Most of mine loved to fall asleep on me during the day (and night sometimes) but as they got bigger, it became easier to transfer them to a cot or pram or safely onto the sofa next to me if I needed to get on with something. I loved the cuddles too and agree that it was nice to take some “me” time while you could.

FortunesFave · 03/07/2021 00:28

Having had two that I did the same with I agree with your DH. It turned into a nightmare once they were old enough to get out of their beds.

By 18 months I was going mad with it.

KatherineOfGaunt · 03/07/2021 00:30

My DS didn't nap in his cot until he was in his own room. Before that, he would nap in the buggy, in his bouncy chair or in his jumperoo even, sometimes! It meant he could nap but I could keep an eye on him while washing up or folding clothes or something.
On days I was knackered, we both went upstairs together.

But you do what you think. Newborn/little baby snuggles are the best!

Purpleshoes13 · 03/07/2021 00:35

If it is working for you don't change it. Enjoy the cuddles and the whole rod off your own back is rubbish.

If you wanted free hands have you tried a sling?

WithLargeTableMouse · 03/07/2021 00:41

I did this with dd and ds and made a rod for my own back, dd still needs me or DH in bed with her to fall asleep and she’s 10. I don’t care tbh, she’ll be 15 before I know it and embarrassed to be seen with me so I’ll take all the cuddles I can get 🥰

Couchbettato · 03/07/2021 00:42

I'm all for skin to skin or close contact with babies. I think it's good for them and good for mum.

But never with a hot drink!!!

girlmom21 · 03/07/2021 00:45

@LuckyInStar surely it impacts him on weekends though, or when he takes annual leave, etc?

I'm not saying you would but if you went on a weekend away for example, and he was left with a baby who only ever naps on you, it'd make things 100x harder for him.

I'm not making a suggestion either way, just trying to show you another perspective

MrsFLongbottom · 03/07/2021 01:11

My ds (now 2) only napped on one of us for ages, probably up to about 7 months, he now naps for 2 hours in his own cot and sleeps in his own room at night. We just tried him in his cot regularly and when he was ready it was easy.

You do you, if he wants to get him into his cot during the weekend naps he can try. Babies are not spoiled, you are not making a rod for your own back. They just take different amounts of time to be ready to sleep on their own and in the grand scheme of things 5 months is still tiny!

IHTC · 03/07/2021 01:15

For me personally, I would nip this in the bud. My daughter is nearly 10 months and HEAVY. I couldn't imagine holding her for the duration of her naps. I also know that if someone else needs to look after her in the day that she'll be fine being put down for a nap, no rocking or holding required!

You do what feels right for you and your baby though.

idontlikealdi · 03/07/2021 01:15

It's such a small window, do what works.

Freecuthbert · 03/07/2021 01:27

My partner always lets our 5 month old sleep on his chest for naps, she has liked this from birth. I don't let her as I have chronic pain and the weight on my chest doesn't help, but she'll happily nap beside me or in her chair. I have never put her down in her cot in the day. She has slept through every night since she was 5 weeks old. Some people have claimed putting her down in her cot in the day would be the best, but those same people don't have a baby who has slept through since 5 weeks. I am of the belief you can never spoil a baby, so no I don't think you are making a rod for your own back, especially as you are enjoying it as much as her!

Freecuthbert · 03/07/2021 01:29

Wish I could edit, was meant to say him not her regarding your son!