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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my baby nap on me and ignore DH?

150 replies

LuckyInStar · 03/07/2021 00:08

Baby DC is only 5 months.

He's a great sleeper at night but in the daytime will only ever nap in my arms. He has two big naps in the day, probably for an hour and a half - 2 hours each and then at night from 10 - 6.

I am quite happy to let him continue sleeping on me in the day. Yes it's sometimes a bit limiting not being able to really get up and do much whilst he's sleeping but I love the snuggles and to be totally honest, it's my time to MN and watch telly with a hot drink.

DH thinks I'm creating a rod for my own back and I'll regret it. Need to start putting him down in his cot for naps (I've tried and he screamed and screamed every time and I couldn't bare it).

I think he will get better at it as he gets older and for now it's not hurting anyone and as he sleeps well in the night that's the most important thing.

So AIBU to ignore DH and continue "spoiling" as he says, DS with daytime contact naps?

OP posts:
Birminghambloke · 03/07/2021 05:50

I agree with DH. You’re currently sitting for four hours a day not doing anything productive. That’s likely why DH is disgruntled. He’s out working whilst you spend at least half of a standard working day doing nothing on the sofa. DC is able to go to sleep in cot. Yes you’re up and down whilst DC gets used to it, however that’s shorter term for the longer gain. Maybe a transition to something downstairs, then to the cot?

Why you’re drinking a hot drink with a child on you, I don’t know. That’s a real risk of harm to your DC. You could scald DC if you spilt it.

mathanxiety · 03/07/2021 06:08

If you and DH were equally responsible for babycare every day then he would get a say in the matter.

But he's not, and therefore you're the one who decides what works for you.

Is he jealous that he's out slaving away while you are sitting down comfortably? If this is the source of his feelings on what you do with the baby while you are parenting, then it's unreasonable, and he needs to get over himself. Does he do most of the housework? Cooking, laundry, list-keeping, meal planning, and carrying the mental load of running the home? You need to point out that everything that needs to get done at home gets done. Also point out that you are not horning in on how he uses his time when he's at work so he needs to butt out of your business at home.

  • Buy yourself an insulated mug with a lid for your hot drinks, btw.
MouldyPotato · 03/07/2021 06:10

If you're mainly looking after her then do what works for you. I had similar comments but refused to let my baby cry in the cot. It look until about 8 months for her to be able to nap by herself in the cot. But if you are taking the whole year you have the time.

CupOfTPlease · 03/07/2021 06:29

Don't regret holding your small baby in your arms for naps if you can.

They're only small for a short time and it is what feels natural to you both.

I held my son for his naps until about 10 months. He's my first baby. I had the time to so why not. I do not regret it one single bit.

23 months now and he goes down for his naps just fine on his own and always been a great sleeper!

CupOfTPlease · 03/07/2021 06:31

@Happyhappyday

I wouldn’t consider sleeping 10-6 good at night, it’s totally fine and certainly could be much worse but plenty of kids are sleeping 7-7. I get more sleep than 10-6. Ultimately if you don’t mind your kiddo napping on you it’s fine, but you absolutely are setting yourself up for needing to provide more assistance for sleep in future.
The baby is 5 months... and has lots of naps in the day. So actually, 10-6 is a good stretch.
CheshireDing · 03/07/2021 06:32

Sounds lovely to me OP. I did that and DH used to say the same as yours, they seem well adjusted children now though.

Why spend 2 hours running to and from the cot because they won’t go to sleep !! (That’s what used to happen why I tried what DH suggested)

Melitza · 03/07/2021 06:35

Do what feels right for you op.
You can't spoil a baby.

burritofan · 03/07/2021 06:41

I agree with DH. You’re currently sitting for four hours a day not doing anything productive. That’s likely why DH is disgruntled. He’s out working whilst you spend at least half of a standard working day doing nothing on the sofa.
She’s on maternity leave. Not “do something productive” leave. She is literally on leave from standard working days.

I don’t believe in rods for backs. Or in forcing cot naps. DD was held for naps until long past one, and naps just fine in her cot now; and transitioned easily to non-cuddly nursery naps. And if she didn’t ever cot nap, so be it. They’re only little and cuddly for a short while.

BipolarSunset · 03/07/2021 06:42

Going against the grain here OP. Do it. Cuddle your baby as much as you want. One DS here and wished I'd held on longer it all goes so fast!

Enjoy the cuddles. There's no adult out there that still needs mummy cuddles to fall asleep. He'll grow out of it when he's ready so for now, do it and enjoy x

WavesAndLeaves · 03/07/2021 06:56

My DS was a contact napper only in the daytime until he was about 8 months, then he decided he didn't want to sleep on me anymore and wanted to be put down. Rod for your own back is nonsense imo - where's the evidence the troublesome sleeper wouldn't have been the same without the contact naps? Keep your baby close if that's what he needs

Fernando072020 · 03/07/2021 06:59

Do it for as long as you're happy. My son slept in my arms until he was 8 months old. He started to get quite big, and started to seem like he wanted more room to move and stretch out. Also as the summer was creeping up, I decided it was time to change it.
No rod at all. He immediately started falling asleep on his floor bed when I changed the routine, and then I could roll away and sneak out.

Unless you or baby are unhappy with the current arrangement, there's no need to change it

bishbashbosh99 · 03/07/2021 07:07

Enjoy it. One day they won't do that anymore. Mine did that til 6 months then transitioned very easily to all naps in cot

Ifitquacks · 03/07/2021 07:11

Enjoy your cuddles OP. It’s maternity leave, not clean the house and get jobs done leave. To the person saying it’s 4 hours spent unproductively... what on earth would need doing in the house that takes 4 hours a day?! As long as the necessities are getting done then what’s the issue?
It doesn’t last long OP. Do what works for you.

pilates · 03/07/2021 07:20

It’s ok now and then but I would start introducing other things. If he goes to sleep in the pram can you not lift it in gently and get on with some jobs/internet. It is restricting you.

Flakeymcwakey · 03/07/2021 07:21

Mine are 10 and 8 but when I had them it was considered unsafe for them to sleep alone away from caregivers. They should be in the same room. So I definitely don't agree with your DH? What information is he basing his ideas on?

Slings all the way for us. My oldest is ten, and he's just another blink away from teenager/ needing to separate. Enjoy the closeness while you can and definitely guard against the tendency of making some picture in your head of how things should be and measuring your baby against that picture. Nowt good cones from it

Ifitquacks · 03/07/2021 07:23

@pilates

It’s ok now and then but I would start introducing other things. If he goes to sleep in the pram can you not lift it in gently and get on with some jobs/internet. It is restricting you.
It’s only restricting her if there’s something else she wants to be doing.
Carrotca · 03/07/2021 07:51

If it's working for you now keep doing it. Sounds like my almost 3 month old, she is good at night but in the day will sleep for a bit in the car or pram If out and about but at home will not sleep in the moses basket and loves cuddles and sleeping on me, I love it too! X

Briarshollow · 03/07/2021 07:55

I’m sorry. I’m with your husband. I wanted my kid to have a good routine and out in the work until he was 7-7 and two/three cot naps at that age. I wanted some freedom and time. If that’s not important to you, then crack on.

HarebrightCedarmoon · 03/07/2021 08:03

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Blippibloppi · 03/07/2021 08:07

I don't mind the odd contact nap - DC2 is having one now but it would drive me mad for 4 hours a day. DC1 would often have one of his naps on me (he was an awful sleeper as a baby) and it did irritate me a bit as I'd be thinking about all the stuff I needed to do that I couldn't because there was this baby asleep on me. DH works away a lot so it's housework in nap time or in the evening and by the time I get to 8pm, I'd rather sit down.

orangejuicer · 03/07/2021 08:10

Your DC won't do this forever so I'd just carry on for the time being as long as it works for you.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 03/07/2021 08:19

@Couchbettato

I'm all for skin to skin or close contact with babies. I think it's good for them and good for mum.

But never with a hot drink!!!

Which is exactly why I began to encourage the nap not actually in my arms.

I needed tea.

Justgettingbye · 03/07/2021 08:20

Think it's a first and second baby thing. My first I did this she never napped that long though and tbh I did feel restricted. My second had to be put down (cot, bouncer, floor etc) so I could help other child and he ended up self settling which for me was better.

However if it works for you crack on!

Opinion4321 · 03/07/2021 08:26

@Wharehina I was reading the thread to see if anyone mentioned the safe sleep guidelines! I was surprised it was only you.

OP, the NHS recommend babies sleep in the same room as you (even for naps) to reduce the SIDS risk for at least the first 6 months. It’s thought it helps stop them fall in to the deep sleep than can be associated with SIDS. That’s a big reason she shouldn’t be in her cot upstairs.

I contact napped with my DD and it was such a lovely time in my life. I don’t regret it for a second.

Dozer · 03/07/2021 08:27

I went down this road and, for me, it didn’t help my mental or physical health.

Will DS go to sleep for DH when you’re not there?

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