Page 5 | To let my baby nap on me and ignore DH?

LuckyInStar · 2021-07-02T23:08:51+00:00

Baby DC is only 5 months. He's a great sleeper at night but in the daytime will only ever nap in my arms. He has two big naps in the day, probably for an hour and a half - 2 hours each and then at night from 10 - 6. I am quite happy to let him continue sleeping on me in the day. Yes it's sometimes a bit limiting not being able to really get up and do much whilst he's sleeping but I love the snuggles and to be totally honest, it's my time to MN and watch telly with a hot drink. DH thinks I'm creating a rod for my own back and I'll regret it. Need to start putting him down in his cot for naps (I've tried and he screamed and screamed every time and I couldn't bare it). I think he will get better at it as he gets older and for now it's not hurting anyone and as he sleeps well in the night that's the most important thing. So AIBU to ignore DH and continue "spoiling" as he says, DS with daytime contact naps?

Darkstar4855 · 03/07/2021 10:11

I was in the same position as you. I spent weeks trying to settle my son in his crib for naps because my partner said I shouldn’t be encouraging him to nap on me. Sat silently in a dark room, desperately trying to get him to settle. Ended up sinking into postnatal depression and anxiety. Finally I knocked it on the head and went to doing naps in the armchair with a drink and snack and some good tv on, or out for walks with him in the sling. Totally changed my life. I was so much happier, naps didn’t stress me out any more and I had a bit of time to relax instead of trying to use his naps to get stuff done around the house. I miss my nap cuddles now! I wish I’d had the confidence to follow my instincts from the beginning.

worktrip · 03/07/2021 10:19

If he's apply and sleeps and you are happy, just continue. If you force him into a cot in the day and he gets distressed he may associate it with distress and it ruins his night routine. He will probably do the sleep regression soon anyway, so make the most of the peace.

I believe in going at the baby's pace and it worked with mine.

MarshmallowSwede · 03/07/2021 10:23

You can’t spoil a baby. I don’t know why people keep saying this.

A baby likes to be held and snuggled while
Sleeping. It’s perfectly natural. It makes you baby feel safe and secure.

And so what he likes to be held. What bad can come from a baby that wants to be held? He will eventually pull away and let you hold him less as he gets older. He’s 5 months old.

MummBraTheEverLeaking · 03/07/2021 10:27

I could count the number of times DD napped in her cot on one hand. Her eyes would just ping open and no amount of patting, swaying or shushing would sort it. She always slept well in the night in the cot though.

She liked napping on me. And like your experience, the pram and the car were also good. She's now 3, no naps (she dropped them fairly early) sleeps in her bed fine. I've not made a rod for my back.

Like you say, YOU are the one at home dealing with this not your DH. 5 months is still so young, so you do what you need to do to get through the day. Is this a case of DH wants DC in the cot because then you're free for lots of housework

SamanthaVimes · 03/07/2021 10:43

I’m reading this having a contact nap with my almost 1 year old. I like the contact naps, since she has been on the move it’s the only nice cuddle I get and I know it won’t be forever.

She naps just fine in a cot at nursery now I’m back at work or in the car / pushchair if we’re out but I’ll take every contact nap I can get at the weekends now I’m working full time again.

Unless your DH is prepared to do the work to change naps he doesn’t get a vote IMO. You can change the routine if / when it stops working for you, until then enjoy the cuddles!

SinkGirl · 03/07/2021 10:47

I used baby bjorn bouncers (bought two second hand) for naps when my twins were this age as I couldn’t hold them both) - they recline and I could easily bounce them both gently. They were always supervised so I wasn’t concerned. Also used them at night to get them to sleep. Might be a good interim measure when you want to stop. They didn’t nap in their cots until they were past 1.

It was great too as the bouncers fold completely flat so if we were going somewhere we could take them easily. They used them until they were about 2, then I sold them for what I paid for them. I miss those days 😂

Toomanyradishes · 03/07/2021 11:11

Ignore the rod for your own back if it suits you or doesnt inconvinence you that he does this, its not like he will be sprawled over you when hes 15 having a nap every afternoon

You being relaxed and happy, the baby being relaxed and happy these are far more important than doing things a certain way just because

Your DH has his own way of doing things in life, he maybe hasnt quite realised that babies are individual people too, sometimes people expect them all to be a generic baby who all react in the same way to everything

DispareSquid · 03/07/2021 11:38

@Couchbettato

I'm all for skin to skin or close contact with babies. I think it's good for them and good for mum.

But never with a hot drink!!!

This. I know it's not the point of the thread but hot drinks are the most common cause of scalds in young children. The risk may be small but the result can be horrific.

sweetiepie1 · 03/07/2021 12:55

I never regretted it with mine and did it until he was about 1 - by then he was getting to big for it and felt like he was ready to nap in the cot and we never had a problem!

ItsallBollocksanyway · 03/07/2021 13:35

You, and certainly your DS will never look back and think you spent too much time cuddling. If it's working for you both then keep going. When it's no longer working you can look at it then.
My DC sleeps in creche and still loves to contact nap. Some days id love to have a shower /get some chores done but chores will always be there, a DC wanting cuddles won't be.
My LO just woke up after lying beside me for his nap and gave me the biggest smile and a kiss. Those moments really help me, especially since lately he has turned into a tornado of destruction and fussiness. It helps us bond and resets us both.

lakesummer · 03/07/2021 13:37

Like sinkgirl I had twins and used baby bouncers during the day for naps.

The naps were the only time I had to get things done so it would have been really difficult if one of them only slept on me.

ParadiseLaundry · 03/07/2021 13:42

You being relaxed and happy, the baby being relaxed and happy these are far more important than doing things a certain way just because

100% this.

LayTheTableMabel · 03/07/2021 13:45

You can't "spoil a baby" and "making a rod for your own back" is tosh as well. I second a sling. I have a velcro baby (7mo) and now I can wrap him on my back I get soo much done when he naps. Although once a day I still hold him as he contact naps because its bloody special and an absolute blessing that you can't go back and redo.

Pebbledashery · 03/07/2021 13:48

I wouldn't ignore your husbands views. He's got just as much right as you to comment. I agree with him that you are making a rod fit for your own back. When you get to the sleep regression stages you will regret spoiling.

EmeraldShamrock · 03/07/2021 13:52

My always slept in the pram in the day, I'd have to rock them once I transferred for a minute.
Give your hands a break.

roarfeckingroarr · 03/07/2021 13:58

He's only little. Let him be. My 9 mo naps on me and DH.

Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 03/07/2021 14:10

My nearly 5 month old will only do 20 mins if I put him in the cot during the day. Also it's too far away from me so when he stirs I can't immediately settle him and by the time I've got there he's distressed and awake. At the moment he falls asleep in my arms and I transfer him to the buggy in the corridor and I can quickly get to him if needed. Otherwise he will do longer periods in the sling if I'm out and about. Sometimes I love to just snuggle Infront of the TV but to be honest I rarely get to do that as I have a toddler too.

roarfeckingroarr · 03/07/2021 14:29

@Pebbledashery

I wouldn't ignore your husbands views. He's got just as much right as you to comment. I agree with him that you are making a rod fit for your own back. When you get to the sleep regression stages you will regret spoiling.

You cannot spoil a baby.

Dad does not have equal worth of opinion when you're doing most of childcare.

burritofan · 03/07/2021 14:41

I wouldn't ignore your husbands views. He's got just as much right as you to comment.
He’s not the one running up and down the stairs trying to settle a baby in a cot, though, is he? Person doing the naps gets to actually do the naps. Can’t imagine telling my partner how to do their parental leave! DP did 9-12m and at that stage I did think DD preferred the cot, but DP preferred the carrier and a walk. His leave, his choice.

As for spoiling… AHAHAHAHAHA. It’s a BABY, not a criminal mastermind on the road to cuddly ruin. They fucking love cuddles and have zero concept of manipulation or being spoiled. OP isn’t creating Verruca Salt here; she’s having a sit-down with her child on top of her.

(Agree with all the “no hot drinks” comments though. My contact-nap refreshment of choice was slabs of Dairy Milk.)

GlutenFreeGingerCake · 03/07/2021 14:48

I'd work on getting him to nap in the pram if he sometimes likes sleeping in there. It gives you a bit more freedom to do things if you want but I am all for using his nap to MN or rest.

Whatwouldscullydo · 03/07/2021 14:51

As for spoiling… AHAHAHAHAHA. It’s a BABY, not a criminal mastermind on the road to cuddly ruin. They fucking love cuddles and have zero concept of manipulation or being spoiled. OP isn’t creating Verruca Salt here; she’s having a sit-down with her child on top of her

Let's not pretend that it's always an easy transition though. Plenty of people on MN have had huge difficulties in getting their babies to sleep on their own. Yes it's not a problem now as op is on maternity leave and there's only the one kid to worry about.

However if op is planning on going back to work at some point or there a other children or demanding jobs to worry about it's not a totally awful suggestion that it might be better to attempt to get a better sleep routine/pattern going now rather than hoping for the best it will be ok when she goes back to work ir trying to do it if the dog switches jobs to something less easy to deal with on disrupted sleep.

There was a post only a few days ago from a woman who's child had been asked to leave their child care setting due to not settling at all and disrupting the other children.

Of course op should absolutely go with what works fir her and what's she's comfortable with doing.. bit this pretence ut will all just end everything will be OK ajd it will have no impact whatsoever in the future is equally as unhelpful I think.

Whatwouldscullydo · 03/07/2021 14:52

Dh switches jobs.

Dunno where dog came from

Passingahat · 03/07/2021 15:01

Its worth thinking about how limiting this is for you in the future. My dsis did this, and to be honest it was very limiting. It meant that nothing could be done during nap times. I don't just mean house work wise, If you were round her house people would have to sit in silence around her, if she came to your house she would be sat in a room half the time, days out meant she was sat on a bench for an hour. We have had other toddlers who needed to sleep in their own beds which was limiting but no where near as limiting as dsis.

I can understand it works when you are at home but now the world is opening up, what will you do with visitors, or on days to the zoo, beach, round other peoples houses. My dbil also really struggled on weekends because she felt that she was completely gone for 4 hours a day, and it really hampered any days out

Passingahat · 03/07/2021 15:05

Apologies just realised you wrote he does sleep in a pram, however I would try and make sure you do use a variety of techniques so baby doesn't become too stuck with either going to sleep in a pram or going to sleep on you

Original poster

LuckyInStar · 03/07/2021 15:06

@Passingahat

Its worth thinking about how limiting this is for you in the future. My dsis did this, and to be honest it was very limiting. It meant that nothing could be done during nap times. I don't just mean house work wise, If you were round her house people would have to sit in silence around her, if she came to your house she would be sat in a room half the time, days out meant she was sat on a bench for an hour. We have had other toddlers who needed to sleep in their own beds which was limiting but no where near as limiting as dsis.

I can understand it works when you are at home but now the world is opening up, what will you do with visitors, or on days to the zoo, beach, round other peoples houses. My dbil also really struggled on weekends because she felt that she was completely gone for 4 hours a day, and it really hampered any days out

I've gone over this already. He will sleep absolutely fine in his pram or the car on days out. I don't have to get him out of there to sleep on me if we're out.

I also don't sit in silence at all when he does sleep on me. I have the TV on and chat like normal, I actually think that's part of the reason he prefers it because he can hear us.

OP posts: