To let my baby nap on me and ignore DH?

[LuckyInStar]

Baby DC is only 5 months.

He's a great sleeper at night but in the daytime will only ever nap in my arms. He has two big naps in the day, probably for an hour and a half - 2 hours each and then at night from 10 - 6.

I am quite happy to let him continue sleeping on me in the day. Yes it's sometimes a bit limiting not being able to really get up and do much whilst he's sleeping but I love the snuggles and to be totally honest, it's my time to MN and watch telly with a hot drink.

DH thinks I'm creating a rod for my own back and I'll regret it. Need to start putting him down in his cot for naps (I've tried and he screamed and screamed every time and I couldn't bare it).

I think he will get better at it as he gets older and for now it's not hurting anyone and as he sleeps well in the night that's the most important thing.

So AIBU to ignore DH and continue "spoiling" as he says, DS with daytime contact naps?

My DH didn’t have strong views about it and when I wasn’t there DC1 would sleep on him.

At first I enjoyed the ‘down time’ and contact, but over time found it constraining and hard to get stuff done when DC awake. Also got back pain from so much sofa sitting!

Thank goodness DC2 would go for naps anywhere!

This was my DC. Guess what? I didn't make a rod for my own back! At 5 he sleeps perfectly well and I never had a problem with naps/routines/nursery settling etc. I do miss the baby cuddles though I say keep snuggling your baby, they are tiny for such a short time!

YANBU! I held DD for every nap aside from the occasional time she fell asleep in the car or pram. This was until she was about 9 months. Now she's 11 months and I feed her to sleep and leave her upstairs napping on our bed. I don't believe the rod for own back thing when it comes to naps and cuddles.

My first DC did this-it wasn’t anything I had a particular choice about, it was the only way he’d sleep during the day!

it's my time to MN and watch telly with a hot drink

This made me laugh though as there was no chance of a hot drink as once he was finally asleep, unless someone happened to be there who’d bring me a drink, I couldn’t move. I also nearly aways needed a wee and was forced to choose between lying there desperately needing to go, or knowing that if I went, I’d wake him up!

Meh whatever works for you.

I rocked my twins to sleep in my arms (or drove them) for every nap for the whole 3 years they had naps. They self settled at night and are now grey sleepers at 4 yrs old. 7.30-7/7.30 so no rod made here long term.

It was a little bit annoying if on days out that they wouldn't just drop off in the pram, but not the end of the world!

Yeah, ignore him. Life's too short to not snuggle with your baby while he's still a baby. I even co-slept with all mind, shock horror, and I can tell you that none of them have an issue sleeping without me now.

If it makes you happy, roll with it. You don’t get to have a baby for long.

DD used to have most of her naps on me and be cuddled to sleep at night. She goes to sleep fine in her bed now at 3 and I don’t regret making the most of the cuddles!

At 5mo he shouldn’t be sleeping in a different room. Personally though I didn’t have my dc sleeping in my after the first weeks and I knew sometimes I’d leave them with their dad and after a few more months he’d going to nursery and granny’s.

IME something develops in their sleep at around 6 months and they suddenly wanta dark room and stillness to sleep, so those naps on the sofa with a box set don't work any more. That's the time to move to the cot I'd say.

I did this with both my boys. Got through all the series of masterchef USA. It was WONDERFFUL. Don't regret it at all. Both boys sleep well now, made no difference to us.

As someone once said to me, you will never look back and say 'I wish I cuddled my baby less'

I'd enjoy the cuddles, he won't be napping or be a baby for long. Have you considered a wrap sling for some naps? DC3 used to nap in that sometimes so I still had hands free and could do other stuff if needed.

I think you are being optimistic in thinking that it will naturally improve as he ages. I'm sure it does with some babies but that hasn't been my experience. It only got harder to install good sleep habits the longer I left it. I still have to lay down with my 4 year old to get her to go to sleep.

Ignore DH and carry on! I did it until 10 months and nothing terrible happened. It was magical. Ds is nearly 3 now and what I wouldn't give to go back to when he was little and on me. Make the most of it. If you listen to DH you'll regret it.

@ItsAllBlahBlahBlah

I did this with both my boys. Got through all the series of masterchef USA. It was WONDERFFUL. Don't regret it at all. Both boys sleep well now, made no difference to us.

As someone once said to me, you will never look back and say 'I wish I cuddled my baby less'

This, a thousand times.

Keep enjoying those wonderful baby snuggles. It goes so quickly. Five months is still so little. I wasted too much time with my first daughter wondering if I was creating bad habits etc. Honestly, sod it. She’s five years old now and it went in the blink of an eye.

I did exactly exactly as you described with both of mine and absolutely loved every minute and would do it again if I had a third. Like you, it was my time to relax and catch up on tv, phone etc. Bliss. Sometimes if I was tired we'd go to bed and both have a sleep.

At around the 12month mark they both started napping well independently once I'd put them down so could get up and do jobs if I wanted to but honestly I still cuddle them if I have the time. You aren't making a rod for your own back. They all grow and become independent in their own time.

Can never understand people who regret cuddling their children.

YANBU ignore him.

I couldn't imagine anything worse tbh

As much as I loved my babies obviously I didn't want to be glued to them 24/7.

Nap time was when you could grab a bath or have a coffee. Spending it getting hit sweaty and covered in baby drops would have done my head in.

Plus it provides the ultimate excuse to have your partner kick.off about you going out because no one else can or will get the baby to sleep which means that's on you. All the time. It's not a rod for your babies back you should worry about tbh more your dh.

I went back to work when dd1 was 5.5/6 months. It would not have been possible if she didn't sleep in a cot or comfortably spend time with someone.else.

Its totally up to you but I don't think either of your a wrong tbh. You see it as valuable bonding down time that benefits you ajd the baby. He sees it as a way of keeping him from being able to fully parent his child and preventing any alone time with his wife. And being a bloke he probably also thinks as he's at work all day and you sit down fir hours with a baby sleeping on you doing nothing and that he then.has to help do all the house stuff ( which he should do anyway obviously) when he gets home from.work.

He obviously won't get what maternity leave is for in that way.

As you are responsible for the baby the most I'd do what works for you. But do near in.mind these habits s can be heard to break and actually in a few weeks or.months time you may feel differently and start to resent not being able to go out or do anything without the baby as your husband will claim.he can't get him.to sleep.

@LuckyInStar the real question is why is your husband so adamant to change this? "Rod for your own back" doesn't really fly.

Do you complain about it?
Does he think you don't "do" enough, house not tidy enough ,chores not done etc?
Does he complain because when he's off you're "out of commission " for several hours with the baby asleep on you?

Basically is this about you and the baby, or is it actually about your husband's wants ?

My boy is like this. He's 18 months old now. He's a good sleeper overnight and has just started transitioning his daytime naps from 2 to 1. Ever since he was born he's only really fallen asleep in someone's arms-mostly me or his grandparents (occasionally his dad). If you try and put him into his cot in the day he wakes or will only nap for 10-20 mins, but on someone he'll sleep for 1-2hours.

Yes there are downsides, clearly it's a time when I could be doing "stuff" around the house etc-but he's only small for a little while, and as he's highly likely to be my only baby I want to get every cuddle I can in before he no longer wants me! As you say it's also nice to have some downtime just to sit quietly for a bit! Looking after a baby/toddler is knackering!!

So Rod or not do what works for you!

Under six months ALL sleep (naps and nighttime) should be taken in the same room as an adult caregiver (it's thought being able to hear an adult breathing helps babies to regulate their own breathing and prevent them going into sudden respiratory arrest which is a lot more common in babies, thus lowering the risk of SIDS).

Our baby would only nap in a sling for the first two YEARS. Then he progressed to buggy naps which was awesome! Prior to that if he dropped off in the buggy he would always wake after half an hour. Ditto if we laid him down anywhere. It's normal, evolutionarily they're supposed to want to be close to you to not get eaten by something.

For lots more contact napping families check out The Beyond Sleep Training Project on Facebook.

Thanks again all!

DH is absolutely not bothered that I don't spend all day doing something productive 🤣 honestly he's not like that at all and everything that needs doing is done in the house anyway.

DS settles for me more easily I'd say bur he will sleep either on or in his pram for others. DH, my Mum and my Dad have all gotten him to sleep okay multiple times.

Obviously I don't, as I've explained, sit there for 4 hours with him every day. When we go out he will sleep in his pram if it's his nap time. I'm just referring to when we are at home with this thread. We often go out for walks or to visit my Gran etc...

I do feel like he's good at night personally. After his 6am bottle he goes back to sleep quite quickly until around now (he's just woken up!). He goes to bed currently at 10 because that's when I go up.

I agree, I just love these cuddles so much. And as PP we won't be having another either.

And for those saying about time to shower etc... DS sits in his sit me up chair whilst I have a bath. We pull faces and laugh together whilst I'm washing! we love it!

I also have a sling which he used to sleep in but he now just prefers to look around at everything when he's in it really.

I am probably not going to be much help here. DS is 19 months and still contact naps but he'll probably be our only child and I don't regret any of the time I've spent cuddling him while he naps. He sleeps brilliantly over night in his cot in his own room. He's cuddled to sleep then transferred, he does wake sometimes overnight but gets himself back to sleep perfectly well.
You can't spoil a baby by loving and cuddling them too much. If you want to cuddle that baby you cuddle that baby!

[quote ObviousNameChage]@LuckyInStar the real question is why is your husband so adamant to change this? "Rod for your own back" doesn't really fly.

Do you complain about it?
Does he think you don't "do" enough, house not tidy enough ,chores not done etc?
Does he complain because when he's off you're "out of commission " for several hours with the baby asleep on you?

Basically is this about you and the baby, or is it actually about your husband's wants ?[/quote]
I think DH just has stronger views on the way things should be done whereas I'm more happy to go with the flow. Don't get me wrong he's not arguing with me or getting annoyed. But does comment about it often in a sort of more fool you kind of way.

Probably a bit of a drip feed but it took us a long long time to have DS. We never actually thought we'd be able to and I lost some babies before him. He's our miracle really so that probably doesn't help my reluctance to put him down either!

Cuddle your baby!

He is a baby and is supposed to be cuddled. You can't get the time back, it is precious.

Another poster is correct- there are so many development stages for babies, I don't think anything you do at 5 months will really become a habit.

And from your babies point of view- what does he want? Cuddles close to mummy. Not stuck away far away from her.

Your husband is not the mum. Being a mother is actually different to being a father. Your hormones are forever connected to your baby in a way his can never be.

Basically follow your gut instinct.