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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my baby nap on me and ignore DH?

150 replies

LuckyInStar · 03/07/2021 00:08

Baby DC is only 5 months.

He's a great sleeper at night but in the daytime will only ever nap in my arms. He has two big naps in the day, probably for an hour and a half - 2 hours each and then at night from 10 - 6.

I am quite happy to let him continue sleeping on me in the day. Yes it's sometimes a bit limiting not being able to really get up and do much whilst he's sleeping but I love the snuggles and to be totally honest, it's my time to MN and watch telly with a hot drink.

DH thinks I'm creating a rod for my own back and I'll regret it. Need to start putting him down in his cot for naps (I've tried and he screamed and screamed every time and I couldn't bare it).

I think he will get better at it as he gets older and for now it's not hurting anyone and as he sleeps well in the night that's the most important thing.

So AIBU to ignore DH and continue "spoiling" as he says, DS with daytime contact naps?

OP posts:
Margotshypotheticaldog · 03/07/2021 01:36

I did this with dd from around 12 weeks, but I used to put her in the lovely soft sling. Then my hands were free (to use the remote control 😉)
I agree that if it doesn't affect your dh then it's really up to you how the baby naps. I remember my mil at the time trying to insist dd nap in the cot, which I found bizarre (the insistance not the cot part) as it literally had no affect on her whatsoever! Do whatever works best for you and your family.

Marty13 · 03/07/2021 01:53

If it was me I'd feel like your dh - I put mine to sleep/nap on their own from the beginning (i.e. left them still awake in bed to go to sleep on their own) and it was bliss to be able to shower or nap or whatever. So, yes, I think you're making a rod for your own back.

But since you're the one dealing with it you get to decide. Your DH can have an opinion but he must accept that since you're the one dealing with the naps you get the last word on this one.

Nat6999 · 03/07/2021 02:15

Ds was like that but I managed to get him to sleep in his bouncy chair, the sides were padded & surrounded him almost like one of those snuzzpods, I used to cover him with a blanket that had been on me when I had nursed him, smelt of me & his milk & made him feel secure. I gradually extended the time I left him in his chair, I put him down straight after a feed when he was dreamy but not asleep, mine had sounds & vibrations, I used a heartbeat vibration & white noise. I also used a dummy, a comforter blanket toy & a little cuddly dog he liked to touch.

Eachpeachpears · 03/07/2021 02:32

I held my Ds for naps. He just wouldn't ever nap in his cot. I stressed so much trying to do it. In the end, when DD arrived he suddenly decided he wanted the leave and at 2.5yrs finally slept in his bed in the day! DD is now 5.5 months and after many nights of shit sleep, I've implemented and stuck to a routine of naps in the cot. Shes taken to it within 2 days. I'm happier with her there due to sids risk but also to just not be touched for a bit. Her nights have been better since, too.
You do you. But I would also make sure it's not effecting your marriage by doing what you are. Maybe DH was hopeful of some time with you on weekends while baby naps to have some lunch, watch a program together or something

Eachpeachpears · 03/07/2021 02:32

Also, please don't let your baby fall asleep in a jumparoo

FartnissEverbeans · 03/07/2021 03:05

Nah, that’s nonsense. DS refused to sleep in a cot for naps. My maternity leave was relatively short so, after having a few tries at getting him to do so, I just enjoyed the cuddles.

He napped without issue in nursery and has always been a great sleeper at night. He’s 4yo now and tbh he’s always slept on the bed with me until recently - but that’s because of me and not him! I love having him next to me. I can hear him snoring beside me as I type this!

Missmonkeypenny · 03/07/2021 03:06

DS contact napped like this until 7m and then would happily be put down for his naps

Theyre not little for very long. If you're happy then crack on, he won't need to be held to sleep forever OP

SearchingTheSkies · 03/07/2021 03:09

Completely fine for baby to nap on you. Mine still does at 1! It's a lovely bonding time and a great excuse to rest for a while. Babies instinctively want to be close to their mums, and they're only little for such a short amount of time. Enjoy it, and ignore comments about making a rod - such nonsense! My daughter naps at nursery with no issue.

RainbowCrayons · 03/07/2021 03:12

My DS was very similar. Good sleeper at night but would only nap on me until around that age. Then all by himself he refused to nap on me and wanted to be in his cot. I think he preferred stretching out as he was a very long baby. So I wouldn't worry too much about it for his sake but if you want the freedom it's totally understandable. If you want to go out will he nap in his pram if he can see you? That might give you a bit of freedom.

Fitforforty · 03/07/2021 03:40

You can’t spoil a baby with cuddles. DD1 coslept and either cuddled for naps or was pushed to sleep. She is 5 now and has a story, cuddles and lights out and goes to sleep by herself and we don’t hear from her for the next 11 hours. Occasionally I stay will her until she goes to sleep because we both like it. DD2 never went into the cot, feed to sleep by me or cuddled in sling when you her by either of us or when a toddler cuddle in bed to nap. Now she is nearly 2 and doesn’t nap but for her a quick 15 min feed and she is asleep at 7. She normally wake around 11 and either DH or I hop into bed with her.

Yaty · 03/07/2021 03:54

I don't see a problem with this. My 10 month old would only nap on me during the day until around 7 months ish. This was after she'd moved into her own room overnight and got used to her cot. She now naps in her cot fine. My partner used to make comments about it aswell but it was easier for me and I loved the snuggles! Unless you are unhappy with it 5 months is still so teeny just keep doing what you're doing.

ChocOrange1 · 03/07/2021 03:59

I would definitely keep cuddling him for naps. They're small for such a short time, in the scheme of things and I miss those cuddles SO much now, I'm glad I made the most of them at the time.

My daughter had naps on me until she was 2.5 (by this time it was more occasional- sometimes on me, sometimes in bed, or in the car) and I don't regret a second of that time.

You said you're going back to work when he is 1 - will he be going to nursery? If so, this won't be a problem because he won't be able to sleep on someone at nursery so they'll do the nap training for you. P

1forAll74 · 03/07/2021 04:10

This is not the way to get a baby into a good routine.. Sitting holding a baby for a long time in the day, means you cant get on with doing things.

If you don't wan't to do anything at home, you could take the baby out for some fresh air whatever.

Aniseeeds · 03/07/2021 04:14

I contact napped with my little one and my husband was constantly on my back about how I needed to put her down, I was spoiling her, it was my fault she cries all the time. It took three years to have our little one and husband was quite clear we were not going to have another one. I think I broke down at one point and said why can’t you let me enjoy these moments with our baby if we can’t have another and that shut him up. The contact napping doesn’t last forever and I remember by 8 months she was sleeping in a cot for her naps so ignore your husband and do what is right for you. These moments are so precious and go in a flash.

ChocOrange1 · 03/07/2021 04:16

This is not the way to get a baby into a good routine
Many people don't stick to the belief that routine is the be all and end all for a small baby.
And why can't there be a strong routine, part of which is "10am - 1hr nap" but that nap is on mum rather than in a cot?

Original poster
LuckyInStar · 03/07/2021 04:31

Thanks so much everyone!

Just a couple of points. He will nap in his pram, we do go out for fresh air a lot. I don't spend all everyday sat on the couch with him, he'll nap really well if we are out and about in his pram or the car. I'm just referring to when we're at home with this post.

Also I'm not hovering scalding drinks over my babies head 🙄 but yes sometimes I lean over and drink a brew that's not cold when he's asleep!!

Ironically I'm up at half 4 whilst he's fast asleep in his cot. I've a nasty ear infection at the moment which is keeping me up 😩

OP posts:
Wharehina · 03/07/2021 04:33

DH thinks it has to be the cot upstairs.

Your DH is wrong, unless he’s proposing you go upstairs, too: at 5 months, babies should be sleeping in the same room as a caregiver for every sleep, including naps, according to safe sleep guidelines.

I cuddled my baby for most naps when she was little, too. She went down to one nap a day when she was about a year old and started napping in her own bed then. She’s a great sleeper now, and loves going to bed, and I do think that’s because going to sleep was always such a lovely, relaxed part of her day when she was younger.

DeathStare · 03/07/2021 04:38

DH thinks I'm creating a rod for my own back and I'll regret it
Even if your DH is right (and there's no real way of knowing whether he is).... your rod, your back, your regrets, your choice.

Tossblanket · 03/07/2021 04:51

Enjoy it, they're only that small once.

Who cares about free time, you'll get that back later.

goingtotown · 03/07/2021 05:14

So you’re online & watching TV for 4 hours a day while baby is napping in your arms. I agree with your DH.

peonyrose87 · 03/07/2021 05:15

My little one is five months and is exactly the same, sleeps great in her crib at night but if we're home during the day will only contact nap. She'll snooze in the pram or car fine so we go for big walks everyday. I'm torn because my friend's babies all go down for naps, but honestly, she's not going to be this small for long so I'm enjoying the cuddles. Plus it's the only time of day I actually sit and chill when she's napping on me.

Mummamama · 03/07/2021 05:20

I did this for a bit because my daughter wouldnt nap at all otherwise. Eventually she now stays asleep when i put her in her cot, i think the rod back thing is rubbish and they work things out at their own pace anyway! Do what you want!

watermeeon · 03/07/2021 05:20

Depends on whether it's your first or not ... I have just sleep trained my 6 month old because she literally wouldn't sleep in the day unless she was being held in a dark room (not in a pram or sling either) and it just didn't work for me because I have a 2 year old DD too.

When DD1 was a baby holding her and enjoying the cuddles would have been a great option. With a toddler who needs to be entertained and supervised as well as a baby, me being shut in a dark room with her sister was completely unsustainable.

And that's before we get into the fact that DD2 stopped sleeping at night too ...

So do whatever works for you and them and don't worry about it.

Happyhappyday · 03/07/2021 05:27

I wouldn’t consider sleeping 10-6 good at night, it’s totally fine and certainly could be much worse but plenty of kids are sleeping 7-7. I get more sleep than 10-6. Ultimately if you don’t mind your kiddo napping on you it’s fine, but you absolutely are setting yourself up for needing to provide more assistance for sleep in future.

KatieKat88 · 03/07/2021 05:32

Do whatever works for you- all babies are different and I'd always go with my gut for what works best for mine. You can always try cot naps in a month or so if it stops working for you (or not if it doesn't!) You're the primary caregiver right now so you're in the best position to judge rather than DH. I'd listen to his ideas, take on board anything you're happy to compromise on but explain that as you and your baby are the ones mostly affected it needs to work for you both, not based on DH's ideas of what is best. You might agree with him by 7/8/9 months, you might not!

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