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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ban DH from taking kids out

135 replies

fat13 · 02/07/2021 21:03

Because it messes naps up.

Naps at 6 and 7 o clock in the evening meaning kids up until 10 and up half the night and I’m shattered.

He doesn’t mean any harm just doesn’t understand how it impacts on me.

OP posts:
Original poster
fat13 · 02/07/2021 22:07

Because I’m a terrible wife, mother and person.

OP posts:
Kokosrieksts · 02/07/2021 22:09

I have a light sleeper, never been able to move her from car seat or pram without waking up, that’s to all the posters saying simply move them to bed.

I would ask your husband to bond with the kids at home and you either go out or say bye to the kids as if you were going out and hide in a different room so they don’t look for you.

Charbead49 · 02/07/2021 22:10

Bonding? Really OP the reason you had to explain your post several times is because no-one can understand why anyone with half a brain cell would do that to their kids or call it lovely.

He can do their bedtime as the connection, and go out for a walk to a river when they are asleep.

Original poster
fat13 · 02/07/2021 22:12

Ah well, there we go, we can add ‘mentally challenged’ to the above list! I seriously wonder if some AIBU posters realise just how nasty they are?

OP posts:
Brefugee · 02/07/2021 22:15

You can't ban him from taking his own kids out, but you are making this difficult for yourself by not making him have the consequences. Kick him awake and keep kicking him until he's up and dealing with it.

It really is that simple

honeylulu · 02/07/2021 22:18

Oh OP. What did you hope people would say? There isn't a magic answer to making the kids stay awake when they have their nice evening stroll/nap.

Hubster needs to bond by getting them ready for bed (bath stories cuddles) then if that's done by 8 and it's light until 10 he gets the chance for a nice stroll or drive and you get some peace!

Brefugee · 02/07/2021 22:20

If you're awake anyway - just wake him up. Wake him up every time and make it clear it's because he let them sleep too late, and now he has to sort it.

If you go "oh I'm awake anyway I'll sort it out" where is his motivation to stop?

Also if you know he's going to do this, what's their nap routine during the day? make sure they'Re rested before he takes them out?

Original poster
fat13 · 02/07/2021 22:20

It isn’t that big of a deal though honey If I’d seriously needed relationship advice I’d have posted there, or parenting. It was just a little moan tbh.

But it has helped me see things from his POV: he’s in the house all day, he misses the kids, he wants to give me a break, it’s a beautiful summer evening, why not go to the park or the river? I get that. But also it obviously makes life difficult for me!

OP posts:
XioXio · 02/07/2021 22:20

I don't think anyone here has been nasty. I think you're not to explaining things fully (on purpose?)and ignoring questions asked and not liking the answers given! - it simply isn't a good idea to take a baby out so soon before bedtime! If it became part of the routine it'd be different. E.g. dinner, bath, PJ's, walk in pushchair and bed. I think it would still be rather unusual past newborn though.

Original poster
fat13 · 02/07/2021 22:21

I think calling me thick is quite nasty but we can agree to disagree. I won’t dwell on it or on the children sleeping a bit too late and I would suggest no one else does either.

OP posts:
AliceMcK · 02/07/2021 22:25

This sounds like far too much hard work.

He wants to help, give you an hours peace, he can play with the kids while you go for a walk or lie in bed with a book.
To bond with the kids he can do the bedtime routines, baths stories sleep
He wants out of the house, once kids in bed he can go for a walk alone.
At weekends he can then take them out if he wants.

Problem solved 🤷🏼‍♀️

moooshroom · 02/07/2021 22:27

If the children are in the car or pushchair and falling asleep, DH is not really 'bonding' with them. Better to stay home and bond with them whilst they are awake.

Original poster
fat13 · 02/07/2021 22:29

alice it was a moan rather than an insolvable problem I was incapable of working out for myself, thanks!

OP posts:
toocold54 · 02/07/2021 22:36

Not sure if it’s been said but could he do their teeth and everything before he leaves and then leave later on so if they do fall asleep they can go straight to bed when they come home.

hettie · 02/07/2021 22:38

Parenting is 'bonding', but that would be actual parenting where you are in touch with your child's needs and respond appropriately to what they need at the right time. Going for an early evening stroll because you'd like to get out the house and dragging a baby and toddler with you at precisely the time they need to be having tea, relaxing and getting into the bedtime routine is not responive parenting. It also gets in the way of 'bonding' because you've stressed the kids out, not met their needs and have 3 hours of whining/fighting and 'soothing' to get them back into a restful place. Parenting needs temporarily putting them first and parking 6pm outings to the lake until they are old enough to cope (and that's years away)

Terhou · 02/07/2021 22:38

Well yeah dr but either way it’s a disturbed night for me which is rather avoid tbh

It's 5 minutes waking your husband against (probably) a minimum of 30 minutes getting the kid back to sleep. No-brainer, it seems to me.

Lilymossflower · 02/07/2021 22:42

Wake him up then if his actions keep the kids up all night. He's being completely ignorant

Lilymossflower · 02/07/2021 22:44

Or banning evening walks with the kids would also not be unreasonable. As a parent, he needs to parent which means doing what the kids need rather than just going for walks willy billy because he feels like it

DocsOddSocks · 02/07/2021 22:50

@fat13 It would appear I'm in the minority here but it sounds like you have a very thoughtful husband tbh! Despite being at work all day, he's still happy to take the kids out to give you a break and also spend some time with them too Smile

Our baby has always come out with us to walk the dog - usually between 5:30 and 6:30/7ish. We've had to recently stop it as we've moved her bed time forward but we do believe that's one reason she sleeps so well!

Could you maybe go for a walk instead of your husband and the kids? Smile then your husband can get them ready etc? Smile

Mymapuddlington · 02/07/2021 22:58

I actually think DH is quite sweet, can he take them closer to bedtime so they’re drowsy when they get home?

DrSbaitso · 02/07/2021 23:00

@fat13

It isn’t that big of a deal though honey If I’d seriously needed relationship advice I’d have posted there, or parenting. It was just a little moan tbh.

But it has helped me see things from his POV: he’s in the house all day, he misses the kids, he wants to give me a break, it’s a beautiful summer evening, why not go to the park or the river? I get that. But also it obviously makes life difficult for me!

Why not go to the park or river? Because your wife then gets no sodding sleep and suffers, that's why.

Tell him that.

DocsOddSocks · 02/07/2021 23:05

@DrSbaitso but at least he's actually spending time with his kids. Smile

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 02/07/2021 23:14

This is mad.
He could easily spend that hour playing with them, bathing them and reading them a story before bed.
Going for a walk or a drive before handing them back over to you, rested, wide awake and ready for a night of hell isn’t sweet or helpful.
It’s half arsed.

Bibidy · 02/07/2021 23:28

I don't think (most!) people are trying to be mean OP, they are just suggesting that there are quite a lot of other ways your DH could spend time with the kids and give you a break without risking the dreaded danger nap. Taking them out for a stroll in the buggy or a drive in the car are pretty much doing the most relaxing, sleep-inducing things he could do with them at that time of day :) Which would be fab if only they'd stay asleep through the transfer to bed!

DrSbaitso · 02/07/2021 23:28

[quote DocsOddSocks]@DrSbaitso but at least he's actually spending time with his kids. Smile[/quote]
A woman has to suffer extreme sleep deprivation to make this happen?