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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ban DH from taking kids out

135 replies

fat13 · 02/07/2021 21:03

Because it messes naps up.

Naps at 6 and 7 o clock in the evening meaning kids up until 10 and up half the night and I’m shattered.

He doesn’t mean any harm just doesn’t understand how it impacts on me.

OP posts:
Bibidy · 02/07/2021 21:20

@fat13

I don’t really understand why it’s confusing that a child who falls asleep at 6 won’t be ready for bed at 8!
I think just because children who go to bed at 7/8 wouldn't usually be out at 6pm.

I'd be annoyed with him too!!

Is it that he's taking them out for the whole day and bringing them back at that time so they're falling asleep on the way home? Or is he just taking them out at danger nap time?

Original poster
fat13 · 02/07/2021 21:21

maggies yeah I’ve had to, problem is it’s pretty knackering tbh and while I don’t want rigid routines it does mean we don’t have ANY routine!

OP posts:
Smarshian · 02/07/2021 21:21

At what time is he taking them out if they are falling asleep at 6-7?
We don’t tend to be out with the kids after 5/5.30 unless it’s a quick trip to a shop or we have been out all day and aren’t back yet.

Original poster
fat13 · 02/07/2021 21:21

Well tbf it’s light until 10. And they are just having a stroll round the village not clubbing in Ibiza Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
fat13 · 02/07/2021 21:22

No he’s taking them out after work, which is very sweet as it’s to give me a break and to bond with the kids but I think I’ll have to knock it on the head!

OP posts:
Shelovesamystery · 02/07/2021 21:22

OK cross posted. Can't he just take them out earlier? Why is he taking them out? Where is he taking them? Doesn't he have any common sense?

Shelovesamystery · 02/07/2021 21:23

Just tell him to bond with them at home.

Bibidy · 02/07/2021 21:24

@fat13

Well tbf it’s light until 10. And they are just having a stroll round the village not clubbing in Ibiza Grin
Yeah I wouldn't be up for this, obviously a child in a pushchair or car is likely to doze off if they're being ferried around an hour or so before bedtime.

Would he not be up for taking them out a little earlier?

Original poster
fat13 · 02/07/2021 21:25

It’s finishing work earlier that’s the problem. Like I say no harm meant, it’s just one of those wheee he’s chilled and inclined to think they’ll just sleep when ready but I know better Grin

Asleep now thank God Grin

OP posts:
Bibidy · 02/07/2021 21:26

@fat13

No he’s taking them out after work, which is very sweet as it’s to give me a break and to bond with the kids but I think I’ll have to knock it on the head!
Ah I see.

It's sweet but not if they're falling asleep...and not much bonding for him either if they are conking out on the way round.

Could he take them for an actual walk rather than in the pram/car? Even just really locally, if he likes getting out with them.

Ohpulltheotherone · 02/07/2021 21:29

I agree OP, I really don’t like having my kids out of routine because it impacts on their sleep and therefore my and DPs evening / sleep.

The odd occasion is fine, like a family event or day out but as a rule I wouldn’t do anything which involved a longish car journey at 5/6pm!

Does he not realise the impact it has on you?
That’s what would be upsetting me / pissing me off if I were you - if you’re telling him that his behaviour is really affecting you and he’s not listening or doesn’t care then that indicates a bit of a wider issue.

He needs to agree that taking them out of their routine is only for special occasions, that day to day you have to avoid anything that will upset their bedtime.

I’d be absolutely fuming if my DP ignored me over this then just took himself off to bed whilst I was sorting the kids till 10 o’clock. I’d read him the riot act

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 02/07/2021 21:30

How old are they?

Original poster
fat13 · 02/07/2021 21:31

Tbf he doesn’t, he will help get to bed but I’m so bloody shattered I’m in bed not long after so don’t get much of an evening!

I think he’s just a bit too laid back about some stuff which is really lovely and a quality I love but we are going to have to talk about this!

OP posts:
Original poster
fat13 · 02/07/2021 21:31

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

How old are they?
Youngest is only a baby.
OP posts:
XioXio · 02/07/2021 21:32

How old are they?
Can you transfer them straight from pushchair to cot without them waking up?

Original poster
fat13 · 02/07/2021 21:33

I wish! It would solve so many problems if they didn’t wake up when engines are turned off or when keys are turned in front doors!

OP posts:
3Britnee · 02/07/2021 21:36

@fat13

He never wakes up so they’d be crying all night! Poor kids!

I’m not seriously suggesting I ban him but it is a bit annoying as I get no evening!

Make him step up then. Jesus.
Bibidy · 02/07/2021 21:37

@fat13

Tbf he doesn’t, he will help get to bed but I’m so bloody shattered I’m in bed not long after so don’t get much of an evening!

I think he’s just a bit too laid back about some stuff which is really lovely and a quality I love but we are going to have to talk about this!

Sounds about right, my DP is a bit like this with my SCs. He will let them stay up way too late, miss cues that they are struggling to stay awake, and also not notice that they are knackered the next day.

Like you say, it's nice to be relaxed but not when it does actually negatively impact on the kids. Not massively obvs and I know they don't mean it, but they just don't always pick up on it.

Original poster
fat13 · 02/07/2021 21:37

Well, Jesus might be able to help, but I’m sure you can see that even if I wake up dh every time the kids wake and make him deal with it it’s not a very peaceful night for me, is it?

OP posts:
ElephantOfRisk · 02/07/2021 21:37

I was the working parent when mine were babies/toddlers. I liked to be able to take them out when i got home but mostly it would be for an actual walk with them on their feet which it's hard to fall asleep during so they'd go to bed as normal. When they were little and not walking yet then they'd be in their PJs in the buggy and if they fell asleep then they were lifted into bed when home.

The problem is that after nap they are being allowed to wake up?

Original poster
fat13 · 02/07/2021 21:38

Yeah bibidy and then I worry I’ll sound condescending if I raise it!

Plus in all honesty it’s nice to have an hours peace at the end of the day!

OP posts:
Original poster
fat13 · 02/07/2021 21:38

being allowed to wake up you haven’t met my DCs then Grin

OP posts:
emptyempire · 02/07/2021 21:39

You know the deep sleeping is just an excuse, right?

If you were out overnight, would the children's own father really not hear them crying?! I doubt it; he just sees it as your job!

30degreesandmeltinghere · 02/07/2021 21:39

Factually a dc crying isn't even in the top 10 things that wake a man up...
Ime a dig in the ribs does though..
Grin

Cocomarine · 02/07/2021 21:39

Why’s he going out in a car? The very method used by many to make young children fall asleep. How is it “bonding” - especially with a baby - to be driving them around? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Walks only. Fresh air. Baby I’m sling with lots of chat, older one walking - presumably walking age?

Short walks, no car. Lots of bonding, home tired for bed.