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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ban DH from taking kids out

135 replies

fat13 · 02/07/2021 21:03

Because it messes naps up.

Naps at 6 and 7 o clock in the evening meaning kids up until 10 and up half the night and I’m shattered.

He doesn’t mean any harm just doesn’t understand how it impacts on me.

OP posts:

AliceW89 · 02/07/2021 21:40

Yeah I’d be knocking that on the head. We also have a non-transferable 13 month old. If DH suggested he took him out in the sling or the car at 19:00 I’d probably struggle to not ask him if he’d lost his mind. He’ll take him out in the buggy at 17:00 if he gets out of work early. Often to the local play area so he’s in and out of the buggy and not at danger nap risk. But deffo home and not leaving the house again at tea time.

Peppallama · 02/07/2021 21:40

buy them a cheap tablet, that's the only thing that stops my dd nodding off, we used it in the car when she starts dropping her nap otherwise she'd sleep on the 2 min run back from nursery and ruin the evening.

Cocomarine · 02/07/2021 21:41

Like you, OP, I did all the night wakings - because I hear with my vagina.

AliceW89 · 02/07/2021 21:42

@Cocomarine 😂😂

Caterina99 · 02/07/2021 21:45

Just tell him he can’t let them fall asleep. If it’s that close to bedtime he shouldn’t be taking them far, and I’ve done many car journeys with the windows open and my terrible singing making sure no one nodded off and ruined nap/bedtime

I wouldn’t be happy if DH did that more than once. Especially not if I was the one that had my evening ruined

Bibidy · 02/07/2021 21:45

@fat13

Yeah bibidy and then I worry I’ll sound condescending if I raise it!

Plus in all honesty it’s nice to have an hours peace at the end of the day!

God, I completely agree. I literally sit there watching my SD fighting to keep her eyes open while he's totally oblivious. And obviously I can't really raise it with them being his kids and not mine.

I would defo say something to him in your situation though. It's not fair if their broken sleep in the evening is meaning you have to be up and down all night.

Ofallthethings · 02/07/2021 21:45

Yes you need to chat to him and try and get him to agree to just bond with them at home. He could bath them , play with them before bed and read stories with them. He's still getting quality time with them. It's not really a break if you're still up with them until 10pm, mine sometimes do that if they've napped too late and it's knackering
. You need to explain that you'd get more of a break if they went to bed earlier and you had a couple of hours off in the evening.

kindaclassy · 02/07/2021 21:49

Instead of banning him, why don't you ask him to take them out in the morning instead?

Original poster

fat13 · 02/07/2021 21:51

He’s at work.

OP posts:

mn2022 · 02/07/2021 21:52

If he lets them nap, he gets up in the night.

Or alternatively, you just have a talk with each other like most couples to sort it out

Flickerofhope · 02/07/2021 21:53

Fat13 why are they napping so late in the evening?

5zeds · 02/07/2021 21:54

Why doesn’t he bond by bathing them all and putting them to bed?

Original poster

fat13 · 02/07/2021 21:55

I’ve explained! If he takes them out in the pushchair or the car they nod off. I understand him wanting to make the most of the light evenings, it’s just annoying when they are up all hours of the night!

OP posts:

shouldistop · 02/07/2021 21:55

@Flickerofhope op has already explained, her dh is taking them out in the buggy or car close to bedtime so they're falling asleep as small children are prone to.

shouldistop · 02/07/2021 21:55

Do you have a garden he could play with them in?

Original poster

fat13 · 02/07/2021 21:55

5 I guess that WFH means he wants to leave the house for a bit. And I do get that. But as I’ve said if he takes them out and they nod off it interferes with bedtime. Might suggest he makes it a once weekly thing. On a weekend.

OP posts:

ViceLikeBlip · 02/07/2021 21:57

@Flickerofhope

Fat13 why are they napping so late in the evening?

They're not napping-they're falling asleep because it's nearly their bedtime, but then they wake up when the get home and the power nap keeps them awake u til 10pm.

Original poster

fat13 · 02/07/2021 21:57

Not a big garden, we are actually looking to move for this reason. But that obviously doesn’t help with the immediate situation.

It’s not that big of a deal, as he will stop if I ask him not to, but I also see that it’s nice for him to go to the park or down to the river or the lake.

OP posts:

5zeds · 02/07/2021 21:58

Most small children go to bed about 7 so he’s taking them out in the food/bath/book/bed bit of their day. Why?

shouldistop · 02/07/2021 21:58

If he's wfh could he use his lunch hour to take them out for a picnic together maybe?

Original poster

fat13 · 02/07/2021 21:59

It’s more of an 8 bedtime here but I do think I’ve explained what’s happening pretty clearly, tbh, and I’m not sure the same post over and over is particularly conducive.

I’m with the kids all day, dh finishes work (from home) about 6, he wants to give me a break and get out of the house himself, he takes kids, lovely, except they fall asleep.

OP posts:

Anotheruser02 · 02/07/2021 22:00

The thing with bonding with babies and toddlers, is you do that by meeting their needs. The last thing kids that age need is an evening stroll, that sounds like something a man who has been at work all day might feel he needs. I'm not saying it's an inappropriate thing to do, but it's an inappropriate time to do it and it's fucking you all over for the night time (apart from him of course).
It sounds sweet, but I'd go as far as to say it's pretty selfish if you have made the connection and told him the connection.
As others have said if he's that nice he'll do things that need doing - play with them, bath them, songs in bed....

shouldistop · 02/07/2021 22:00

Or he could play with them in the garden after work so they don't fall asleep.
It is important for him to have time with them but I get the frustration when you've had a long day with kids and just want them to go to bed so you can have a couple of hours peace.

Original poster

fat13 · 02/07/2021 22:01

should in theory but obviously is reliant on us being in and them being awake. Plus it would be a bit rushed and frantic for him. I’m not trying to pick holes by the way. Posting this thread has helped me see things from his POV.

I guess, like many things, it will be easier when kids are older!

OP posts:

5zeds · 02/07/2021 22:02

It isn’t lovely it’s totally daft and not for the kids it’s for him. Why are you letting him do that to them?

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