£15 per pupil for teacher present is way too much!

[Watermelon221]

We’ll just that really.

Quite prepared to be told Iabu and also I know that I don’t have to join in with the collection!

But £15 x 30 children is over £400! Even if only 20 give money it is £300!

What sort of planet are some parents on? It’s the same every year and I shouldn’t be surprised after 3 children!

Someone on the class WhatsApp group suggests a collection. Everyone agrees it’s a good idea (me included). Then some bright spark suggests everyone gives £15 (£20 was mentioned initially!). Then everyone says they’ve transferred it over and you are suddenly stuck with 3 choices:

1. Opt out and buy own present. Probably something the teacher doesn’t want or need.

1. Text and say I’m only transferring £5. (Not because I can’t afford it but because it’s plenty and only supposed to be a token gesture! But then is that fair on others who pay £15?

1. Suck it up and pay it!

Our school is in a fairly middle class area but attracts children from a fairly mixed bag of different areas. I imagine many will struggle to afford this- especially those with other kids in different year groups- is it me or is it totally tone deaf of these parents to suggest this and not just pay what you can afford? It is supposed to be a kind gesture of thanks from the class not enough to find a mini break ffs!!

At no point have my kids' teachers seen more of them than I do. 🙄

And the time they do spend with them they're paid for. On the whole the kids have done a card, plus a bottle of wine at Christmas, maybe stationery type stuff as a jokey present otherwise.

Oh for Gods sake!! If you have an issue with it, do your own thing. Or do nothing. No one is under any obligation to give anything to their child's teacher. Although personally, at the very least, I think a card with a few nice words would be polite and very welcomed by any teacher.

I am a teacher myself. I teach in a disadvantaged area. We have never received collections from parents, nor, obviously, would we expect to. We often get little candles, chocolates, things like that and each thing is very much appreciated.

Usually collections have a suggested amount so people can decide go with that or donate what they see fit. If you have 3 kids already, surely you know how these things work by now?? And if you're not happy with that, just do your own thing. It's no one else's business what, if anything, you decide to give to your child's teacher.

I have 3 children myself and I was so happy with the teachers they got this school year. This was a particularly difficult year for our kids and each of their teachers went above and beyond to help them get through it. I contributed 20 euros per teacher and another 20 euros for the principal as my eldest child was leaving and moving to Secondary school and we wanted to get him a gift which we don't normally do. A parent from each class organised the collections and you were free to contribute whatever you liked. You were also free not to contribute at all. The names of the children whose parents contributed were put on the card but obviously not the amount they each gave. I didn't care if everyone else gave a fiver. I gave what I wanted to give. Separately, I also gave my own cards with 20 euro vouchers for a coffee shop. I know some people can't afford that amount and it's not like we're loaded or anything, but I feel it each amounts to roughly the price of a taxi fare into town and back. I appreciated how they treated and helped my children so I wanted to show it.
If someone wanted to contribute 15 or 20 quid but couldn't afford it all in one lump sum, especially if you had a few kids, you could put by a euro/pound here and there in a purse throughout the school year. Very doable for most people and then you're not forking out a lot of money in one go. However, if you don't want to contribute any money, just don't give any -simple solution!! Or give a fiver or whatever you want.
Either do it or don't. But don't moan about it just because others choose to.

@Letsbekindplease

Surly a box of chocolates is sufficient enough

I would opt out

Agreed!

I don't think anyone anywhere has suggested teacher's presents should be compulsory and no one should feel bad if they don't give one. That said it's hardly surprising that people want to do something nice for someone who has been such a huge part of their child's life. Both my DC have had amazing teachers that reallymade a massive impact on their lives. I always write a card with a message about how grateful I am and yes also give a gift (usually a voucher) just because I can't think of any other way to show my gratittude.

I totally understand people not giving a gift to their child's teacher for whatever reason - it's not obligatory. I don't understand the people who seem to resent teachers recieving gifts though. Yes there are other professions which are very difficult and underpaid but why do we need a race to the bottom?

That's all well and good but then what does the teaching assistant get? Nothing? Or do they do it for them as well? My children have one teacher and two teaching assistants in each class, so I have 6 presents to buy! I couldn't just buy for the teacher and leave the others out. But if someone organised a collection and it was £5 a teacher I'd be really glad because even though it would cost me £30 all in, it would save me a job and cost less!
£15 is crazy.

A box of nice biscuits / packets of tea is all that’s needed for gifts. Well it’s all I give anyway.

Most other stuff will be binned or donated to charity.

Tea and coffee will at least get used by someone!

That is absolute madness. You need to say no.

Teacher here I get a knot in my stomach when it comes to this time of year I have had such expensive gifts that it is really embarrassing for me... Please Don't do it! I love getting hand made cards and a little bit of stationary :ie a pen or rubber or something similar, or a large bar of chocolate . This end of year I am going to get a box for food bank stuff and brazenly ask the mums to donate to it instead of end of term gifts for me.... I once had a mother donate a 100 pound hamper and a bottle of champagne to me and I felt really very embarrassed.. It is getting really out of hand!

£15 isn’t a lot to show your appreciation for someone who has cared for your child for a whole year, which if you’re in a state school hasn’t cost you anything. And much better for the teacher to get a voucher for somewhere decent rather than 30 mugs/boxes of chocolates.

Right, the benefit of my bitter experience :

1. say "no thank you, I would like to do my own thing.

2. do not express any opinion on what may or may not be right or fair for everyone else.

I was only allowed to sign the card after she'd stopped traffic while I scrabbled around for change to 'top up' my donation!!

@SchrodingersMat

£15 isn’t a lot to show your appreciation for someone who has cared for your child for a whole year, which if you’re in a state school hasn’t cost you anything. And much better for the teacher to get a voucher for somewhere decent rather than 30 mugs/boxes of chocolates.

£15 IS a lot to some people. And your assuming they only have one child / teacher to contribute to.

Our school tries to discourage gifts from anyone, really high FSM area in the North East. However, after many requests, the teacher eventually did reveal the school did indeed have an amazon wishlist that they usually buy from throughout the year when the petty cash allows. One very generous parent, lovely guy not flashy or show off, went on and bought the whole thing up for them, and then said it was from the whole class. Refused a penny from anyone and advised people spend that odd £5'er on an ice cream with their kids. Since then, the wishlist kinda caught on, and it means teacher actually gets things that will help her help her class and we do that each year now.

@sotiredofthislonelylife we gave the Social Worker that worked on our Child's adoption a gift.

A state school which doesn't cost you anything?? Err yes it does. Most of us pay taxes.

[quote sotiredofthislonelylife]@kindaclassy

My friend is not doing a paid job when she invites me for dinner, and neither a hairdresser nor a nanny is paid by the state from taxpayer’s money!
I worked in Social Services - we certainly would not have been allowed to receive gifts of any sort.[/quote]
so what you mean is that you are not allowed gifts so no one should get one?

That was my point, it's only jealousy then.

No one is saying YOU should give anything, but you have no right to even have an opinion on what I decide to give or not.

It's an odd way to look at teachers and think they are paid to do their job, and need no recognition, acknowledgement or thank you.

Is the £400 for one teacher or split amongst others. £15 is what most people are putting in for ours (although no one is checking a list, it’s just what’s collected by a certain date). It is split between 2 teachers (job share) and 3 TAs so I’m happy with it.

£15 IS a lot to some people. And your assuming they only have one child / teacher to contribute to.

yes.. but it's not exactly an outrageous amount either, you don't really spend any less when you bring a gift at a diner party or go to a kids birthday. We are not talking hundreds.

No one should give anything they don't want, but it's still such a small amount that no one can be accused of stealth brag, bribing or other nonsense.

Someone usually organises a collection but it's either a PayPal transfer or cash (in envelope if want to be discreet) and no one suggests an amount - you put in what you want or can afford. I think most put in £5-£10, but it really varies. Then the organiser buys John Lewis or other hobby/interest vouchers, champagne, flowers.

One year someone organising it was over-officious and was making comments on certain well-off parents not putting in as much as they should, but it was her comments that raised the eyebrows of other parents, not the amounts.

It's a long way from my own teachers, who went home with a couple of mugs and a load of chocolate oranges.

@kindaclassy

£15 IS a lot to some people. And your assuming they only have one child / teacher to contribute to.

yes.. but it's not exactly an outrageous amount either, you don't really spend any less when you bring a gift at a diner party or go to a kids birthday. We are not talking hundreds.

No one should give anything they don't want, but it's still such a small amount that no one can be accused of stealth brag, bribing or other nonsense.

christ, £15 is not a small amount of money to a lot of people!

I think we must live in different worlds. Our shopping budget is 70 a week for the five of us. £15 out of that would mean we didn’t have enough food.

In our case it gets split between teacher and TAs. It's a very leafy area in general, but the attitude from most parents is those who can will add a bit more to balance things out.

£15 is quite a lot for some people, even more so if they have multiple DC, and it's really not on to suggest a sum. Watch Rich House Poor House and see how much (or rather how little) some families have to live on per week.

I think it should be left up to the individual and managed in such a way that no one really knows who has contributed what. Even if that means that some people end up with their name on a card when they haven't contributed, surely that's better than shaming someone.

Yes there is no need for specific names on the card IMO. Just ‘from the Children and families of X class’- the teacher already knows who has money and who doesn’t, and who comes from a family who is supportive of education and who doesn’t. She/he also knows contributing its not up to the kids (who she mainly has a relationship with). Writing names on the card is petty and unkind.

christ, £15 is not a small amount of money to a lot of people!

I get that, but what I was trying to say is that surely you can see that £15 is not an extraordinary or over-the-top amount for someone else to give?

You could raise an eyebrow over £500, but surely you must realise that some people spend £15 to have their eyebrows done, on 1 hour of a cleaner at home... It's not insulting or embarrassing amount to give, or to receive.

Being shocked or offended because someone else wants to give £15 or £20 is over-the-top.

Honestly, as a teacher I’d be embarrassed to get that amount - you’d be the talk of the school (for wrong reasons) and probably get called in. Also I’d feel terrible for my TA’s who work really hard for rubbish money. Send an email to head praising staff- we love that!

At my school we wouldn’t even be allowed to accept it. £400 is crazy!

The funny and personal gifts are what we appreciate and remember. I once got a packet of crisps and a Kit Kat!

@kindaclassy

christ, £15 is not a small amount of money to a lot of people!

I get that, but what I was trying to say is that surely you can see that £15 is not an extraordinary or over-the-top amount for someone else to give?

You could raise an eyebrow over £500, but surely you must realise that some people spend £15 to have their eyebrows done, on 1 hour of a cleaner at home... It's not insulting or embarrassing amount to give, or to receive.

Being shocked or offended because someone else wants to give £15 or £20 is over-the-top.

Not for someone else.

But when it’s expected, or when children’s names are left out of group cards, that’s when it’s awful.