Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DS hasn't done anything wrong?

117 replies

overthi · 02/07/2021 10:55

I've name changed for this.

DS is 15, he's been dating a girl (14) for a few weeks. The girl is in year 9 and he's year 10. A girl fancies DS and she's not happy with him being in a relationship. She added him and his girlfriend to a group the other day and called him a creep for dating a girl in the year below and that its wrong as he'll be 16 soon and she's not 15 until next year (her parents know about the relationship and don't mind or think its wrong!).

DS asked her why she likes him if she thinks he's a creep, she didn't have an answer to that and carried on calling him a creep and said she's surprised he's not dating a girl in year 7 as he likes ‘young girls’. He told her politely to leave him alone as she was annoying him and he was busy.

She then started calling his girlfriend a slag and saying DS can do better than her, which obviously annoying DS so he told her to shut up and called her a fucking bitch.

The girls mum has messaged me yesterday and she said that I should be ‘ashamed’ of him and myself for bringing up a boy who is verbally abusive towards girls as her daughter hadn't done anything to him and she told me that she'll be reporting him. I just ignored her as obviously the girl only showed her that message.

DS knows he shouldn't have sworn at her but he was annoyed and he had already asked her to leave them both alone.

Aibu here? I would like an outsiders point of view.

OP posts:
Dixiechickonhols · 02/07/2021 11:02

I’d agree that he shouldn’t be calling anyone a fucking bitch let alone writing it down. Confiscate his phone for a bit. Also speak to him re better ways to deal with it - remove self from group, say don’t speak about gf like that. Good opportunity to discuss age if consent and ramifications too - when he’s 16 gf will be underage - as he’s seen people could make trouble for him if he did do something sexual with an underage girl.

Ambiguouscat · 02/07/2021 11:05

I’d screen shot the whole message thread and send it back to the mother

aSofaNearYou · 02/07/2021 11:08

I'm with you - he shouldn't have lost his temper which it sounds like he knows, but she's certainly not in a position to hold the moral high ground as her daughter's behaviour was much worse. I second screenshotting the whole conversation and sending it to the mum.

UserAtLarge · 02/07/2021 11:09

Clearly both sides in the wrong, but DS needs to learn better ways of dealing with this sort of conflict. Just leaving the group would seem to be more appropriate.

Agree with screenshotting the whole conversation. I'd personally not engage with the parent directly. Report it to school if you want to follow up.

MMMarmite · 02/07/2021 11:11

I think he did nothing wrong whatsoever. If she insults him and his girlfriend she can expect the same back.

anon12345678901 · 02/07/2021 11:18

So she insults him and his girlfriend then gets upset he says something back? Her mother needs to bring her daughter up better, I don't think your son did anything wrong tbh. He lost his patience and I'm not surprised. I'd either ignore the mum or I'd do as another poster suggested, screenshot it all and send it to her.

Minesril · 02/07/2021 11:20

She called his GF a slag and implied he's a pervert? She is a fucking bitch. 🤷‍♀️

BastardMonkfish · 02/07/2021 11:20

She's lucky he didn't call her a fucking bitch earlier when she insinuated that he's some kind of paedo.

KB921 · 02/07/2021 11:22

As you say he shouldn't of sworn at her but he was provoked so neither you or your son are being unreasonable. Send the whole conversation to the girls mother. So the mother can tell her daughter to stop being nasty! The girl is clearly jealous!

pointythings · 02/07/2021 11:22

No, he didn't do anything wrong. It would have been nice if he could have taken the moral high ground and not sworn at this girl, but honestly - she is being a fucking bitch. Screenshot the entire thread and let the mother know the real story. Ask your DS to try and rise above, but no further sanctions.

Aliceinunderland · 02/07/2021 11:22

Well he did do something wrong. So did she. But your title says he did nothing wrong and that's not true. Why didn't he just block her or leave the group? The point is helping him to make better decisions on how to handle a situation like that. Not reassuring him that he did nothing wrong.
She also did something wrong. The two are not mutually exclusive.

takealettermsjones · 02/07/2021 11:23

Screenshot all the messages between the girl and your son and just keep it, in case the mum does report to anyone.

Don't send the screenshot to the mum - talk to your son, show him the messages from the mum and explain that you're just going to ignore and block her. You need to model the right way to deal with this kind of situation here. You can't teach him not to engage if you're going to fire back at the mum yourself.

I do agree with speaking to your son about age of consent etc.

ShaneTheThird · 02/07/2021 11:24

Ignore people saying he was wrong and shouldnt have sworn. Of course he should. The girl is a fucking bitch and i think he was actually incredibly restrained just leaving it at that. Definitely screenshot all the messages. This girl is harrassing two students, calling names and that is far more serious than him retaliating.

Caselgarcia · 02/07/2021 11:24

Reply 'I agree its wrong to be verbally abusive, presumably your DD will be apologising too?'

WeDontLikeCricket · 02/07/2021 11:25

I dont understand why anyone thinks he's done anything wrong, the other girl has called him and his GF all sorts, she deserves to be called a fucking bitch. They are all kids and dont necessarily think through the best course of action (ignoring and blocking) but even as adults we don't always say the right thing in the heat of moment.

Hopefully he hasn't deleted the messages, i would definitely send a screenshot of what her daughter said.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 02/07/2021 11:26

she had it coming and she is a manipulative fucking bitch.

YANBU, neither is he. I would've lost my temper too.

(But he knows it wasn't the best thing to say so in the cold light of day)
hope he & gf ok.

BeeDavis · 02/07/2021 11:29

@Minesril

She called his GF a slag and implied he's a pervert? She is a fucking bitch. 🤷‍♀️
This.
cadburyegg · 02/07/2021 11:29

@Aliceinunderland

Well he did do something wrong. So did she. But your title says he did nothing wrong and that's not true. Why didn't he just block her or leave the group? The point is helping him to make better decisions on how to handle a situation like that. Not reassuring him that he did nothing wrong. She also did something wrong. The two are not mutually exclusive.
Spot on
ShaneTheThird · 02/07/2021 11:29

I dont understand why anyone thinks he's done anything wrong, the other girl has called him and his GF all sorts, she deserves to be called a fucking bitch

Mumsnet is full of utter doormats who kick off if someone stands up for themselves. Honestly look at any thread where someone is being treated badly and llads of people will be on to say "ignore" it.

rainbowunicorn · 02/07/2021 11:29

I don't think your son did anything wrong at all. The girl does sound like a nasty little bitch and maybe needed to be told that to shut her up.

What she is doing to your son and his girlfriend is not okay by any means.

He tried being polite and reasonable and she persisted.

Brefugee · 02/07/2021 11:31

Meh. I can't get wound up at a girl calling someone a pervert and another a slag being called a fucking bitch.

Send Screenshots to the mum and ask her if she's ashamed too?

MarshmallowSwede · 02/07/2021 11:32

So this girls mother is ok with her bullying another girl?

Her daughter took it upon herself and added them and then proceeded to bully the girl and try to badger your son into dumping his girlfriend so he can date her.

I wouldn’t worry about it. This mom needs to do some parenting and wonder why her daughter thinks it’s ok to bully people… not only that she needs to ask why her daughter has such low self esteem that she thinks there is only one boy in the world and she is focused on only having him.

tigger1001 · 02/07/2021 11:33

He lost his temper, but under the circumstances I think it was warranted. Think I would have lost mine much earlier in the conversation.

I would screenshot the whole conversation and message it to the mother, saying you are also considering reporting it due to the sexual inference her daughter was making and that it constitutes harassment.

MotionActivatedDog · 02/07/2021 11:34

Well yes, he has done something wrong, (calling her a bitch) and you acknowledge that yourself. He understandably lashed back after being goaded. Is he an asshole? Doubt it. Should he have said it? No. He should have just blocked her as soon as she started calling him a creep.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 02/07/2021 11:34

she sounds like she has some issues tbh.
a stalker in the making?😱

Swipe left for the next trending thread