Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To think DS hasn't done anything wrong?

117 replies

overthi · 02/07/2021 10:55

I've name changed for this.

DS is 15, he's been dating a girl (14) for a few weeks. The girl is in year 9 and he's year 10. A girl fancies DS and she's not happy with him being in a relationship. She added him and his girlfriend to a group the other day and called him a creep for dating a girl in the year below and that its wrong as he'll be 16 soon and she's not 15 until next year (her parents know about the relationship and don't mind or think its wrong!).

DS asked her why she likes him if she thinks he's a creep, she didn't have an answer to that and carried on calling him a creep and said she's surprised he's not dating a girl in year 7 as he likes ‘young girls’. He told her politely to leave him alone as she was annoying him and he was busy.

She then started calling his girlfriend a slag and saying DS can do better than her, which obviously annoying DS so he told her to shut up and called her a fucking bitch.

The girls mum has messaged me yesterday and she said that I should be ‘ashamed’ of him and myself for bringing up a boy who is verbally abusive towards girls as her daughter hadn't done anything to him and she told me that she'll be reporting him. I just ignored her as obviously the girl only showed her that message.

DS knows he shouldn't have sworn at her but he was annoyed and he had already asked her to leave them both alone.

Aibu here? I would like an outsiders point of view.

OP posts:

Mayaspecialist · 02/07/2021 11:36

So he called someone a bitch?

Someone who was harassing him and his girlfriend and insinuating he is a peadophile and he also that hevis engaging in statutory rape?

No, I don't think he didn't anything wrong at all. I would be speaking to the school and making it clear if there's even mention of that girl speaking about my son again, I will be going to the police.

I hate the 'well he should have taken the High road'. Why should he?

What's this girl learning now? She can harassing someone, accuse them of all sorts but if they call her name, she gets away with it and the other person is villanised? She can do what she wants, but no one is even allowed to call her name?

RaspberryRoyale88 · 02/07/2021 11:37

Your DS didn’t do anything wrong. I mean, yes calling a girl a fucking bitch on its own wouldn’t be great - but he was provoked. The girl was asking for some pushback by calling his girlfriend names and implying your son is a pervert. That’s way worse than being called a bitch.

IamnotSethRogan · 02/07/2021 11:37

Agree with screen shotting the while convo and sending to mother

tigger1001 · 02/07/2021 11:38

@Mayaspecialist

So he called someone a bitch?

Someone who was harassing him and his girlfriend and insinuating he is a peadophile and he also that hevis engaging in statutory rape?

I hate the 'well he should have taken the High road'. Why should he?

This!!

godmum56 · 02/07/2021 11:38

well lets be honest he could have handled it better..... but he's 16, he learns from it and moves on...

romdowa · 02/07/2021 11:39

I think he was being quite restrained in just calling her a bitch. If someone basically called me a pedophile I'd have been calling them a lot worse.

delilahbucket · 02/07/2021 11:41

I would be having a conversation about how to better handle such a situation in the future i.e. block and walk away. Don't engage with the other parent. If school contact you then the full message thread can be shown, that tempers were flared and that you have spoken to him about it should be sufficient.

Maggiesfarm · 02/07/2021 11:42

I think your son was wrong to call the girl a fg bitch, that has achieved nothing. However she is a bitch. He would have done better to just ignore her. He is only 15 and there's nothing wrong with a fifteen and fourteen year old going out together.

The nasty girl's mother probably doesn't know what she has said to him.

Try and leave it behind now.

vivainsomnia · 02/07/2021 11:42

What he really said, what she really said, what he reported to you, what she reported to her mum, probably all not to close to the actual truth.

Mayaspecialist · 02/07/2021 11:44

@Maggiesfarm

I think your son was wrong to call the girl a f**g bitch, that has achieved nothing. However she is a bitch. He would have done better to just ignore her. He is only 15 and there's nothing wrong with a fifteen and fourteen year old going out together.

The nasty girl's mother probably doesn't know what she has said to him.

Try and leave it behind now.

While someone at school is spreading lies about him like this?

What happens when he turns 16, of the girl is still at it, telling people hevis having aex with his 14/15 year old girlfriend?

RealhousewifeofStoke · 02/07/2021 11:44

Both parties in the wrong.
He needs to delete and block rather than react.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 02/07/2021 11:45

@Maggiesfarm

you can type fucking.
f***g is frowned upon.
hth

FindingMeno · 02/07/2021 11:47

He didn't instigate any of the nastiness from her so I'm not at all surprised he finally bit back.

Scottishskifun · 02/07/2021 11:48

I would screen shot the whole conversation and send back to the mother with I will discuss appropriate language I suggest you discuss bullying and harassment with your daughter!

Scaredycat87 · 02/07/2021 11:48

* which obviously annoying DS so he told her to shut up and called her a fucking bitch. *

Excuse me?

“Obviously”?

Op. You are his mother. No words that you think his response was obvious and nothing wrong with it

Mayaspecialist · 02/07/2021 11:50

@Scaredycat87

* which obviously annoying DS so he told her to shut up and called her a fucking bitch. *

Excuse me?

“Obviously”?

Op. You are his mother. No words that you think his response was obvious and nothing wrong with it

I think op meant it was obviously annoying him.

Not his reaction was obvious. Though I think if you are going to do what the girl did, there's a good chance you will get that reaction or worse.

Angiemum24 · 02/07/2021 11:50

Send the whole conversation to her mum. Then say thank you for letting me know about the swearing incident. I was looking at his messages and noticed your daughter insulting my son and his girlfriend on several occasions, I have attached the whole conversation so you can also discipline your daughter.
Many thanks x

lemmein · 02/07/2021 11:54

I think he was very restrained. I doubt many people would ignore being called a paedophile 🤨

Bluntness100 · 02/07/2021 11:57

Honestly I’d send the whole thing back and say I agree he should not have said this, none of them covered themselves in glory and leave it there,

AryaStarkWolf · 02/07/2021 11:58

@Dixiechickonhols

I’d agree that he shouldn’t be calling anyone a fucking bitch let alone writing it down. Confiscate his phone for a bit. Also speak to him re better ways to deal with it - remove self from group, say don’t speak about gf like that. Good opportunity to discuss age if consent and ramifications too - when he’s 16 gf will be underage - as he’s seen people could make trouble for him if he did do something sexual with an underage girl.

She basically called him a paedo and his g/f a slag, I think he was mild when he called her a fucking bitch to be perfectly honest

Frannibananni · 02/07/2021 11:58

Your son has done nothing wrong. The girl is old enough to be a fucking bitch she is old enough to be called a fucking bitch. Tbh I would tell her mother to be a better parent, she has done a shit job.

Lollypop701 · 02/07/2021 12:00

Other girl is spinning a story to her mum. I wouldn’t usually encourage sending her mum the full text but on this occasion I would. He snapped after provocation … overall the girl was a bitch. Don’t be surprised if the spot hasn’t fallen to far from the tree though

Batsy · 02/07/2021 12:00

if people want to be prissy.. no he shouldn't have called her a fucking bitch.

However.. going on her behaviour, if the shoe fits and all that.

He didn't do anything wrong. I'd actually report her behaviour to the school.

QuestionableMouse · 02/07/2021 12:02

She was being a fucking bitch. He did nothing wrong.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 02/07/2021 12:03

If I was your sons gf and someone had called me a slag at that age, I would have punched her. Not the greatest reaction but she wouldn't be doing it again. And maybe your son swearing at her isn't the greatest reaction but its understandable not unreasonable and true.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread