Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To think DS hasn't done anything wrong?

117 replies

overthi · 02/07/2021 10:55

I've name changed for this.

DS is 15, he's been dating a girl (14) for a few weeks. The girl is in year 9 and he's year 10. A girl fancies DS and she's not happy with him being in a relationship. She added him and his girlfriend to a group the other day and called him a creep for dating a girl in the year below and that its wrong as he'll be 16 soon and she's not 15 until next year (her parents know about the relationship and don't mind or think its wrong!).

DS asked her why she likes him if she thinks he's a creep, she didn't have an answer to that and carried on calling him a creep and said she's surprised he's not dating a girl in year 7 as he likes ‘young girls’. He told her politely to leave him alone as she was annoying him and he was busy.

She then started calling his girlfriend a slag and saying DS can do better than her, which obviously annoying DS so he told her to shut up and called her a fucking bitch.

The girls mum has messaged me yesterday and she said that I should be ‘ashamed’ of him and myself for bringing up a boy who is verbally abusive towards girls as her daughter hadn't done anything to him and she told me that she'll be reporting him. I just ignored her as obviously the girl only showed her that message.

DS knows he shouldn't have sworn at her but he was annoyed and he had already asked her to leave them both alone.

Aibu here? I would like an outsiders point of view.

OP posts:

TheWeeDonkey · 02/07/2021 18:01

As pp has said this was a group chat that she deliberately added DS and his GF to so ita not as simple as blocking her or removing themselves from the conversation, anybody who suggests that needs to understand that this is how bullying works these days.

She sounds like a very disturbed individual if she fancies him its not the beat seduction technique is it.

I'm not one for getting involved in schoolyard spats, I think unless it crosses a line kids need to learn to fight their own battles, but I agree save the screenshots to be on the safe side and tell your son and his girlfriend to stay away from this girl. She sounds unhinged.

BiscuitsNoMore · 02/07/2021 18:03

He's done nothing wrong.

lovelybitofsquirrell · 02/07/2021 18:21

@Minesril

She called his GF a slag and implied he's a pervert? She is a fucking bitch. 🤷‍♀️

This.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 02/07/2021 18:43

Most people should expect to be called a fucking bitch to be honest if they call someone else a slag or simply they are a paedophile. Its obviously best to walk away but I wouldnt be that bothered about what he said

BlossomingSlowly · 02/07/2021 18:56

Don't think you're being unreasonable, but he shouldn't have said that to her and that's potentially a conversation I'd be having with him (eg telling him he should have blocked her when she began saying such things and not sink to her level). However, like others have said, the girls mum should not be holding a moral high ground here and should be having a mature conversation with her daughter around how to treat people.

I'd tell your son to distance himself from this other girl and the situation as a whole, and avoid the temptation to talk about what's happened and potentially talk mean about this other girl to his friends etc. It's hard as adults to be mature and be the better person in these situations so it is undoubtedly harder for teens to do so, but we've got to try and guide them as best we can

Also, just to add, I work in a secondary school and these things happen multiple times a day. Social media and messaging has times our workload by a thousand, but something I've learnt is no situation is as black and white as it seems. Always remember there is likely more to it than what you are told.

Sending hugs Hope it all gets resolved soon!

ForgedInFire · 02/07/2021 19:12

I would back my son up on this. When I was younger we were told don't give it out if you can't take it. Her mother can't expect that her daughter can go around calling people whatever she pleases and that she won't eventually get her feelings hurt in return.

Bouledeneige · 02/07/2021 20:29

I think he was right. She is a bitch. Hard to know what she expected when she's been so nasty.

user1471447924 · 02/07/2021 20:41

Other girl had it coming.

RumpoleoftheBaileys · 02/07/2021 20:57

Whilst I obviously don't think that the girl behaved appropriately (and understand the son's reaction), why are adults on here now freely calling said child a 'fucking bitch?'

Brefugee · 02/07/2021 22:24

when did "fucking bitch" (after some pretty fucking bitchy behaviour) become The Worst Thing You Can Call A Woman?

CatsArePeople · 02/07/2021 22:25

The adult way to handle this is to block/delete the offending group and the "bitch", and you should do the same to the mother.

Macncheeseballs · 02/07/2021 22:29

Yeah I would not be happy with a son (or daughter) of mine calling someone that, just walk away

DeflatedGinDrinker · 03/07/2021 02:01

Yanbu he did nothing wrong. I'd be messaging mum back with screenshots

IHaveBrilloHair · 03/07/2021 02:10

He did nothing wrong, but I don't think you should do anything, just leave well alone.
It's highly unlikely the Mum will take it further and so long as you have screenshots nothing will happen even if she did.
My Dd and her BF have a similar age gap, just one school year apart, but because of where their birthdays fall they appear two years apart iyswim.
Got together at 15 and 16, currently are 19 and 21.

Maggiesfarm · 03/07/2021 03:22

@RumpoleoftheBaileys

Whilst I obviously don't think that the girl behaved appropriately (and understand the son's reaction), why are adults on here now freely calling said child a 'fucking bitch?'

I agree with that. I support the son in this case, the girl certainly was a bitch, but I wouldn't want my son (nephew or daughters in my case), to be using such foul language.

However no doubt it was spontaneous and the sentiment he expressed was not at all inappropriate.

Best to leave it now. I wonder if the girl's mother knows what she has been up to?

VashtaNerada · 03/07/2021 03:32

“Thank you for letting me know. I am aware of the ongoing issue between your DD and DS. I’ve spoken to him about what to do when someone is abusive online and reminded him that retaliation is not the best way forward. I’ve told him to try to cut off all contact and report any abusive messages from her in future.”

ilovesooty · 03/07/2021 03:45

@CatsArePeople

The adult way to handle this is to block/delete the offending group and the "bitch", and you should do the same to the mother.

Seems sensible. How did this woman have your contact details anyway?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5