To expect free childcare from friend

[hungryunicorn]

Since I had my baby last year my very good friend hasn’t really shown much of an interest. She met the baby and gave a little gift but hasn’t offered any help or support. That’s fair enough, it was my choice to have a baby and I don’t want to burden others.

However, last night I met up with her and found that she has been going above and beyond to support another friend who had a baby in recent months… cleaning their house, cooking them meals, babysitting. The one time she visited my baby, I prepared us lunch, she didn’t offer to bring anything. They have made her an unofficial godmother to the baby so I expect this is a factor, but there is another friend that she also seems to help out a lot more.

This past year has been very difficult as I live abroad away from my family and have had zero support except from DH who is working. Because of covid restrictions my family haven’t been able to visit. I’ve felt very lonely and really could’ve done with my friend around, not necessarily to look after my baby, but to just be there for me.

I am asking all sorts of questions, like maybe she doesn’t like my baby? He’s not the sweet, serene babe in arms type… more like a dynamic pocket rocket. So funny but rather intense with his emotions !

Perhaps it’s also about asking for help. I told her I was having a hard time but never outright asked her to come help me as that’s not my way.

Interested to hear your thoughts on this.

@MrsMariaReynolds To clarify they asked her to cook meals, clean their house, babysit and help with catering for their wedding.
I haven’t asked anything of her so how does that make more entitled ?

This is actually mental. YABU.

Maybe they are paying her. Just hire a nanny and a maid for yourself.

@KarmaViolet

I think you have learned something today OP.

And that something is that nobody reads the actual OP if there's a good goady question in the title.

YANBU to feel sad that she has only visited you once in a year. She may not want to impose, you need to tell her you want to see her. As things open up again can you meet for coffee somewhere child-friendly?

@KarmaViolet Yes, very much learned my lesson re: thread title!

@SpeakingFranglais

I have spoken to her about it before as they seem to exploit her good nature.

and yet you feel resentful that you can't exploit it too?

@SpeakingFranglais No, I’m hurt that she hasn’t bothered to check in with me or visit us. I would not consider showing a friend you care to be exploitation.