THE singular most embarrassing moment of your life?

[OlympicProcrastinator]

You know, the one that pops in to your head at 3am 15 years later and you can still feel the burning shame?

I’ll start. Met a client at work and introduced myself, asked their name. It was a fairly unusual name so began making small talk about it / origins, someone I used to know with same name etc etc. Then….for some reason I just completely forgot what we were talking about and followed it up with, “So anyway, you haven’t told me your name”. Que a look of bemusement then disdain from him as he shook his head and said, “I think you’d better go away now”. It was just so awful. I shuffled off.
I saw him a few weeks later with a friend and he was pointing and laughing at me. That was 20 years ago. I Still cringe.

There was a cracking one on here a few years ago where a woman had gone to a wedding she didn’t like and was slagging it off by text to her husband. Except it wasn’t her husband. She’d accidentally text the bride!! Who promptly told her she was blocked forever.

Anyone care to share theirs?

I never used to understand that when spelling something out and using the words universally known for each letter (is it the NASA alphabet or something?) that everyone used the same words - I.e. C = Charlie - and it was a ‘thing’. I thought you just used any word that sprang to mind. So I’d always be on the phone to the bank or my phone provider or whoever, spelling out my postcode ‘S for swashbuckle, H for hippopotamus, N for nice to see you’ and be so confused as to why the other person on the end of the phone was laughing....

I was on bondi beach in Australia when I was about 22

It was packed and I was paddling in the sea but the waves were quite strong

I lost my footing and I was being dragged back and forward as the waves broke on the shore line and I just couldn't get to my feet.

My whole bikini unties and floats off

This ozzy man should

Hey lady your bikini is floating away (top and bottoms)

No shit Sherlock

I eventually got to my feet and had to walk naked to find it

Absolutely mortifying

To all those wanting the Poddle update, there’s not much more to give - the card was handed over and I remember DM being all ha, now’s my chance to find out the name. And then she had bother reading the writing and thought it said Poddle. Which obviously isn’t a name. The other names in the card weren’t very legible either but we knew them so they were easier to read iyswim. She asked all of us and we couldn’t get closer than Poddle so we just thought maybe it’s a pet name and she always goes by that. I mean, my poor DM just wanted the name, it’d been so many months and they were very friendly by this point. So yeah, how a handwritten Pat looks like Poddle is still a mystery. But if anyone’s in want of an unusual baby name, maybe consider Poddle and the real Pat/Poddle saw the funny side.

@Lilyargin

Not me but a friend of a friend (honestly!) On holiday in French alps. All the others went skiing, this man stayed in the chalet. Did a poo in the toilet and it wouldn’t flush. Thought he’d wait a bit and then try again, but the maid came in to clean. Not wanting to leave it there with no explanation he thought he’d try to explain, except he spoke no French, so he beckoned her over, lifted the lid, pointed at the turd and then proceeded to flush the toilet to show it wasn’t working. It flushed.

This made me laugh for about 10 minutes 😂

@blackfriars

I never used to understand that when spelling something out and using the words universally known for each letter (is it the NASA alphabet or something?) that everyone used the same words - I.e. C = Charlie - and it was a ‘thing’. I thought you just used any word that sprang to mind. So I’d always be on the phone to the bank or my phone provider or whoever, spelling out my postcode ‘S for swashbuckle, H for hippopotamus, N for nice to see you’ and be so confused as to why the other person on the end of the phone was laughing....

Oh me and my Mum do this! We can never think of the official words so just come up with them on the spot. "B for bra" was my Mum's worst.

@KnickersOnTheLine

To all those wanting the Poddle update, there’s not much more to give - the card was handed over and I remember DM being all ha, now’s my chance to find out the name. And then she had bother reading the writing and thought it said Poddle. Which obviously isn’t a name. The other names in the card weren’t very legible either but we knew them so they were easier to read iyswim. She asked all of us and we couldn’t get closer than Poddle so we just thought maybe it’s a pet name and she always goes by that. I mean, my poor DM just wanted the name, it’d been so many months and they were very friendly by this point. So yeah, how a handwritten Pat looks like Poddle is still a mystery. But if anyone’s in want of an unusual baby name, maybe consider Poddle and the real Pat/Poddle saw the funny side.

Well no wonder people were confused when your PP said:

Several months later we got a Christmas card from them, husband and kids names all clearly written, and the mums name finally in black and white - Poddle.

@HaveringWavering

😂 I can just picture that happening. Great ice breaker - and what a lovely story.

I once got into what I thought was my husband's car with who I thought was my husband in the driver's seat... It wasn't! I hope the poor man has now recovered as he jumped out of his skin in shock! I was so embarrassed.

@garlictwist

I was swinging on my chair during my GCSE maths exam when it shot out behind me, the desk collapsed and I went flying with an enormous crash, right in the middle of a very silent exam hall.

Even my teacher was trying not to laugh.

In the Sixth Form I dropped a pen and bent down to pick it up, my very long hair got wrapped round the bottom jacket button of the teacher who was, unbeknownst to me, walking up the aisle. There we were, stuck, my head too close to his groin and I was terrified of putting my hands up to free my hair, in case I grabbed the wrong thing. He called for a pair of scissors so one of my friends gingerly freed us. I was never allowed to forget it, by him or anyone else!

Not me but a friend of a friend (honestly!)
On holiday in French alps. All the others went skiing, this man stayed in the chalet. Did a poo in the toilet and it wouldn’t flush. Thought he’d wait a bit and then try again, but the maid came in to clean. Not wanting to leave it there with no explanation he thought he’d try to explain, except he spoke no French, so he beckoned her over, lifted the lid, pointed at the turd and then proceeded to flush the toilet to show it wasn’t working. It flushed.

Jack Whitehall told a similar story to this on the Graham Norton show, so your friend isn’t the only one. 🤣 It’s available on youtube, the one with Jennifer Lawrence and James McAvoy.

@TangoWhiskyAlphaTango

Mine was at a school disco I was around 13, the height of awkward feelings anyway. It was early on and everybody was standing around the edge too embarrassed to be the first on the dance floor. My mate asked me to ask the DJ for a song request so I went over to him at the head of the dance floor some little prick boy ran up behind me and whipped down my trousers including my pants so I was stood there with my bare arse out at 13 to the entire school year. That moment when I realised I had to bend over and pick them up was the most embarrassing of my life!!!!! What a nasty shit head.

That's not an embarrassing moment, that's being the victim of a sexual assault. Very sad that no adult intervened in this situation. Just shows how women have internalised the shame of atrocious male behaviour, when it belongs with the perpetrator.

@MaskingForIt

For my own part, I was invited to my friend’s wedding, but was running late. I was mortified to have to creep into the back of the church when the service had already started. I recognised no-one and pulled the invitation out of my bag, only to be further mortified when realised that I was not in fact late but early. So early I had just walked in on another wedding 😳

I did this, but it was a funeral

I was late, and there were two crematoriums in the large cemetery. We went to the wrong one. And after joining late and sitting down, it occurred to me that I didn't know anyone there.

I was in Disney world with my parents and sister, I was 15. I got my period at the park without realising, wearing white shorts 😭 it happened towards the end of the day I didn't say anything to anyone I just held my bag in front of me as we were heading back soon. Then we went to have a photo with a character on the way out, my dad took the photo and said "here I'll hold your bag", my mum said "no no she's carrying it!" So she had obviously noticed too. We never spoke of it and I've never told anyone in real life 😂

Not long after I started dating my now dh I thought it was him that I saw browsing the ladies underwear so walked up behind him and jabbed him and said what you doing you perv thinking I was funny but It wasn’t him. Poor man went bright red and scuttled off

I was visiting in a different city, staying very centrally, where it was free parking on the weekend. At 8am on Monday morning I realised the parking was no longer free, or indeed available for longer than 30min at a time so I decided to dash down, still in pyjamas, and move the car to a parking building in the next street. Except. When I had driven across and parked, I realised I had missed the Early Bird deal and it was going to be exorbitantly expensive so I decided to go back to the car and find a cheaper spot.

Only when I returned to the car, the bloody key wouldn't work. I was jiggling the key, trying the handle, trying to figure out what on earth was wrong.

A woman marched over to me and said "Why are you trying to get into my car?" no doubt doubly perplexed by the fact I was wearing pyjamas 😔

I was so shocked and confused that I just sort of babbled"oh I thought it was my car".
ARGH. It was a rental and I wasn't used to it and to be fair it looked a lot like the one belonging to the disgruntled women.

@userinterface34

Not long after I started dating my now dh I thought it was him that I saw browsing the ladies underwear so walked up behind him and jabbed him and said what you doing you perv thinking I was funny but It wasn’t him. Poor man went bright red and scuttled off

😂 😂 😂

Another one that haunts me at 4am

I was due to have an operation on my knee. Nothing terrible but it requires some of the usual pre surgery checks: bloods and a chest x ray as would be under general.

I was sent to a cubicle for bloods and the most dreamy looking man ever arrived to take them. I mean, he made Matthew McConaughey (sp?) look like an average man on the street.

He asked a few questions as I said I was a bit nervous and put me at ease. Made a few jokes and seemed to try and make me laugh so I was convinced there was a bit of flirting.

He then paused and asked me to make a face... going with the jokes I assumed this was some tactic to put me at ease again. So I pulled the best gurner face I could, pulled my ears out with my hands and crossed my eyes.

He had been gathering tubes and bottles so turned around to see my best creative 'face'.

He froze, stuttered and asked what I was doing... it dawned on me slowly this might have been a misunderstanding so I told him I was making a face. He absolutely collapsed in a heap of giggles, gestured to his tray of equipment to take blood and said 'no, no....make a FIST'.

He actually had to go and get someone else to draw blood as he couldn't stop laughing. I was mortified and so pleased I never saw him again!

@Lilyargin

Love that one. So funny. Sadly, exactly the kind of thing that would happen to me.

@userinterface34

That actually reminds me of being on the tube one evening and a (rather dashing) man came over and slapped me on the shoulder and said, "what are YOU doing here?!"

I'd never seen him before in my life. I said, "I'm just going home" and he slapped me again (in an old friends affectionate sort of way) and said, "great to see you!! How are you?!"

I told him I was fine and then I could see the penny drop as he realised I wasn't who he'd thought I was. He sort of slunk away looking mortified. 😂

@33feethighandrising

Me too! Took me a while to realise then I had to leg it to the correct funeral!!

@EishetChayil Embarrassment is a natural human response to situations. There’s no shame in it. The only people I can think of who don’t feel shame are psychopaths.

I have loads but they are very outing. I have genuflected in the cinema aisle, burst in late to a wedding ceremony using huge old church doors which were no longer in use (in my haste I missed the modern entrance). Made the most awful noise just as the Vicar was asking about any impediment why the couple were not free to marry. Everyone laughed…

@EishetChayil Sorry that was meant to say I agreed with your post!! Well said.

When I first started teaching I only had a part time contract so I worked evenings in a shop too. After a full day trip out with particularly unpredictable 6 year olds I was asked to accompany our assistant manager to a sales events that evening. He was a really grumpy, quite arrogant man who really didn't like me. As we walked to the event I could tell I was irritating him just by talking too much and generally being socially awkward, then we got to a crossing and I instinctively put my arm firmly in front of him to make him pause and took his hand to cross the road. I realised in horror what I'd done after a few paces onto the road. Do you think I let go? Nope, held him firmly and said well done when we reached the other side. We never mentioned it again.

@Lilyargin

Not me but a friend of a friend (honestly!) On holiday in French alps. All the others went skiing, this man stayed in the chalet. Did a poo in the toilet and it wouldn’t flush. Thought he’d wait a bit and then try again, but the maid came in to clean. Not wanting to leave it there with no explanation he thought he’d try to explain, except he spoke no French, so he beckoned her over, lifted the lid, pointed at the turd and then proceeded to flush the toilet to show it wasn’t working. It flushed.

Ha! This is brilliant!

I bet the maids still talk about the weird Englishman who likes it when people watch him poo.