THE singular most embarrassing moment of your life?

[OlympicProcrastinator]

You know, the one that pops in to your head at 3am 15 years later and you can still feel the burning shame?

I’ll start. Met a client at work and introduced myself, asked their name. It was a fairly unusual name so began making small talk about it / origins, someone I used to know with same name etc etc. Then….for some reason I just completely forgot what we were talking about and followed it up with, “So anyway, you haven’t told me your name”. Que a look of bemusement then disdain from him as he shook his head and said, “I think you’d better go away now”. It was just so awful. I shuffled off.
I saw him a few weeks later with a friend and he was pointing and laughing at me. That was 20 years ago. I Still cringe.

There was a cracking one on here a few years ago where a woman had gone to a wedding she didn’t like and was slagging it off by text to her husband. Except it wasn’t her husband. She’d accidentally text the bride!! Who promptly told her she was blocked forever.

Anyone care to share theirs?

Just remembered an embarrassing moment for my DH from years ago. He had been chatting to a friend on the phone. This was one of his best buddies and they would routinely swear at and insult each other etc.

Seconds after the call was finished, the phone rang again and DH (thinking this was his friend again) answered with: ‘What the fuck do you want now?’

But it was, of course, my (very unsweary) mother. She was bemused and I think said: ‘Charming!’ but then launched into conversation and never mentioned it again.

DH always double-checks the number now before answering a call.

these are very funny esp. the WhatsApp one :)

But I agree eventually you stop being embarrassed. Real things happen like bad people and health problems and they put the other stuff in perspective maybe? Embarrassment about forgetting someone's name is a luxury really isn't it?

@MissMissTorrance

Out for a long walk across the moors with my then boyfriend and his prim parents (who made it obvious they didn't think I was good enough for their Son). Miles from anywhere, out on the moors, I didn't feel quite right, felt my stomach churning. Suddenly my bowels gave way and explosive yellow diarrhoea started running down out of my shorts leg and soaking them. I took off and ran towards some nearby hill ( that looked much closer than it was!) and tried to clean myself up with some moss as they looked on wondering what the hell I had run off for. As they approached, I sat down and pretended I was admiring the view as they looked on, noses twitching. After a few minutes I urged them to go on saying I would follow. They did, looking back suspiciously.My bf lingered so I shouted at him to 'piss off'. He walked away wondering what he'd done to upset me and why I was ruining the day. After sorting myself out to the best of my ability I followed and caught up with them. It was a horrible afternoon, no one talking and me trying to hide my soggy shorts under a jumper tied around my waist and I absolutely stunk. When we went to get back in his parents car his Dad went to the boot and passed me a carrier bag "to sit on". He then opened all the car windows and we set off on the silent journey home where I was dropped off without a word.

OMG. That would be my worst nightmare.

Got stuck halfway down a water slide having bashed my face so all bleeding a crying. The only way of getting me down was for me to sit on the lifeguards lap. He was a rather spotty 16 year old on a summer job. I was about three times his size.
Not good, not good at all.

@ShitPoetryClub

The best I've ever read was on here a few years back, the poster was leading a conference, stood up at the beginning of the event and said "Hello, I'm Nigella Lawson", except she wasn't and she had no idea why she said it.

There was also another poster who was greeting guests at a conference, she shook hands with one delegate, leaned in towards her and whispered in her ear "Do one" for no reason at all.

I have never forgotten these and when I have an embarrassing moment I realise things could be worse.

Reading both of those made me chuckle

Not mine, but one I read years ago in New Woman magazine (tells you how long ago it was!). This young woman was working abroad as a receptionist. I think it was Spain. She spoke a bit of Spanish and had gone there to work to improve her speaking skills. She had atuned her ear to Spanish so much, though, that when some visiting businessmen from England came to the office and said they had an appointment with Mr so-and-so, she hadn't mentally changed gears quick enough to pick up on exactly which organisation he'd said he was from. "Lord Spank?" She asked, incredulously. At which he haughtily annunciated as clearly as he could, "No. I'm from Lloyd's Bank"

@Lilyargin

Not me but a friend of a friend (honestly!) On holiday in French alps. All the others went skiing, this man stayed in the chalet. Did a poo in the toilet and it wouldn’t flush. Thought he’d wait a bit and then try again, but the maid came in to clean. Not wanting to leave it there with no explanation he thought he’d try to explain, except he spoke no French, so he beckoned her over, lifted the lid, pointed at the turd and then proceeded to flush the toilet to show it wasn’t working. It flushed.

Oh gosh, all of these are funny but this is the funniest so far.

I don't tend to get embarassed too often, I don't have room in my mind with all the overthinking I do about everything else, but there is one memory that sticks in my mind.

I was at school and the boy I fancied was on the table in front of me with his friend who was also gorgeous and everyone fancied. They were turned round talking to me and my friend, and it was a bit flirty. The boy I fancied said something then winked at me, like a perfect, cute, flirty little wink. I thought I should wink back, but for some reason I massively overexaggerated it and ended up looking like the Kathryn Hahn meme. It killed the conversation dead and I remember the confused look on both of their, and my friend sat next to me's, faces

I once had a blocked ear following a heavy cold and my boyfriends mum advised me at a family dinner (including sisters in law/brother in laws/nieces etc) to hold my nose and blow to unblock it, so I held my nose & blew and in the process let out the loudest fart I've possibly ever done with everyone watching, the whole table gave me a round of applause - I'm going bright red even thinking about it

@JufusMum

Got stuck halfway down a water slide having bashed my face so all bleeding a crying. The only way of getting me down was for me to sit on the lifeguards lap. He was a rather spotty 16 year old on a summer job. I was about three times his size. Not good, not good at all.

This is hilarious 😂

Bookmarked this to read the others later but here is mine:

I'd just started in my current job and the phone rang one day and the woman on the other end asked if she was speaking to Sarah. Sarah isnt my name but for some inexplicable reason I said 'yes' and allowed her to introduce herself. She asked me a few general chit chat questions which I answered and then went on with her reason for calling when I had no choice but to confess I wasn't Sarah.

Then to make matters worse we were in the same meeting a few weeks later and she brought up the conversation in front of everyone - I wanted to die it was horrendous!

No bloody idea why I did that.

Had called for a Chinese and settled in on the sofa when DH remembered he was supposed to feed next door’s cat. He went out, leaving the front door slightly ajar, and about 10 seconds later I heard a knock on the door. Thinking DH had accidentally shut the door behind him I put on my best comedy cockney accent and yelled ‘whaddya want now you twat?’ only to hear a quiet voice say ‘Chinese delivery’. I went bright red and tried to explain to the poor guy why I’d yelled at him but I don’t think he quite understood.

I saw my son’s nursery teacher in a bar when I was extremely drunk and I tried to awkwardly hug her. Luckily she was pissed too but drop offs and pick ups were embarrassing for the next two years.

Quite a few years back me and now DH went to Donington Park to watch the Superbike racing. After arriving I was desperate for the loo so went in the nearest loo. Sat weeing when I heard men's voices and realised my error. Walked out and said don't mind me. They didn't.

At another meeting had DD1 who thought it a good idea to fling open the portaloo door.

Loving this thread, BC op a week ago and in pain and it's really cheered me up.

Was in my early 20s at uni walking through the main drag in town w my bestie who’d come to visit.
We were chatting and I said ‘ooh look there’s a banana skin on the ground, someone could slip on that.’ The next thing I knew I was sitting on the floor having just done the exact thing!!
Once she realised I couldn’t get up cos I was pmsl not that i was actually hurt we just cracked up and I got up and pretended nothing had happened!! No alcohol had been consumed, we were just shopping.
We still laugh about it now nearly 30 years later.

@DrSbaitso

Dress up day at work for Comic Relief. I got the day wrong.

Me too, I ended up being the only ghoul in the village at Halloween. Not because I got the day wrong, but because no other fucker joined in

I also read on here many moons ago about a MNetter who went to her BF's house and needed a wee. Like my in-laws the toilet is separate to the bathroom and they showed her to the bathroom and as she was desperate she tried to wee in the handbowl and pulled it off the wall.

@Anitawiglit12

As a teen once, I had a nosebleed in the car. I was with my Mum and brother, and none of us had a tissue, my Mum only had sanitary towels, so I had to stick one under my nose. A guy I really liked from school then walked past the car with his mates.

I have been laughing a lot at all of these , but I've totally lost it at this He has probably spent years telling people about the girl who sniffs sanitary towels

My friend Ian is very distinctive looking, wears very distinctive uniform and drives a very distinctive yellow car.
One morning, I nipped for some petrol before work and spotted Ian, in uniform walking back to his car. He was dawdling across the forecourt while looking at his phone.
Pulling up behind him, I wound down the window and shouted 'fucking move you useless, fat twat' out of the window.
Yes you can see where this is going... Not Ian.
I just drove off.
I occasionally see 'not Ian' around our small town. Each time the red hot shame makes me want to curl up and die.

I also once arranged to meet my friend Claire in a pub. When I arrived she was at the bar waiting to be served.
I walked over and pressed myself against her back while using my best creepy voice to whisper in here ear,
'ere love, what will you do to me for twenty quid?'
Yes, you can see where this is going again.
The real Claire was sat at the table behind me howling with laughter.
I never learn.

DH is a builder and has a van that he uses for work. One morning he must have got up super early cos he was speaking to me about something to do with the van.
A couple of hours later up and awake I go to the front door to go to work and see a pair of denim clad legs coming out of the drivers side of the van, he was fiddling with the pedals with his back to meand his backside in the air over the drivers seat. I slapped his arse and made a comment.
What I hadn't taken on board that morning was that DH was leaving for work early as there was a problem with the van and the mobile mechanic was coming later and he was going by train!
My God I was so embarrassed

@RozHuntleysLeftHand

Haven't RTFT yet but just wanted to add my own favourite one...

I had just got a new motorbike, nipped to Tesco for some supplies.

I was feeling good, I was young and (looking back now) looked fucking amazing in my new leathers.

Full of confidence, I stroll out of the shop, sling my leg over the saddle like the "cool woman on a bike in sexy leathers" in every film ever and start riding away, still full to the brim of sexy confidence.

30 seconds later I get to the zebra crossing near the entrance of the car park, have to stop and.......

Topple slowly sideways, dropping my lovely shiny new bike and putting a dent in the petrol tank.

To make it worse the bike was fucking heavy and it took me a good couple of minutes while the cars built up behind me to pick it up.

I dropped my bike at a red light on my actual test pinning my leg so I couldnt get back up and could here the invigulator (right word?) laughing at me through the ear piece as he parked up to come help me up.

I still somehow passed though, My dad wouldnt let me get the bike I wanted though because it was 16 stone heavier and I would never be able to lift it if I dropped it again.

First one I was 15 and in Italy on holiday and my period showed up a week early, I had no supplies and we were in the middle of Verona. I went to the loos to get some emergency loo roll but didn’t lock the door properly, sat down and pulled my trousers and knickers down which were covered in blood, and 2 girls walked in on me.

Second one i was 19ish with my then boyfriend getting frisky on the bed, I was on top of him, wearing nothing but a pair of knickers, his dad walks in without knocking and gets a full eyeful as we aren’t even under the covers. Still makes me cringe to this day. Had to admire his dad though who had been nice enough to bring up dinner, he averted his eyes quickly and put our food on the floor saying “here’s dinner!” before scarpering

Years ago at a very smart restaurant our friends were extolling the joys of owning a dog. I, in a loud and somewhat drunken fashion cried out, ‘oh I’d love to do dogging,’ just as the whole place seemed to fall silent.

I spotted a mum from school I knew only briefly on a school run in a local coffee shop.
She was sat down with her friends and called me over.
I sat down, said hello to everyone.
Then I said to that mum I already knew: oh I got a Xmas card for you.
I didn’t want to look rude, so I added : and for you and for you too- to each to her friends ( which I didn’t know at all!)
They all looked at me in horror, thinking what’s psycho I must be!
I must add she never got closer to me after this probably she was thinking what a saddo I am.
I’m still cringing even thinking about it 5 years later! Wtaf I was thinking!

@Fuckitfuckit

So I'd seen a cleaning hack, or atleast a hack to make the house smell nice. Use sanitary towels with Zoflora and dot around the house. So I happily set to doing that, and it caused a bit of relief from my OCD. The smell was reassuring at the time.

We had a home check, to see that our house was suitable for a dog.
We set about cleaning, making the house extra nice for the people who were to judge us.

DH knew about the STs dotted around, and they were behind many doors that we don't tend to move. So kitchen, living room.

We were all sat in the kitchen, having a lovely chat.
DH decides to close the kitchen door. Which is behind me.

As they're getting up to leave, I realise that one of my incredibly inventive STs soaked in Zoflora is stuck to the side of the door that everyone's been staring at. Behind my head.

We still got the dog. But I don't think I'll ever live down the shameful fact that it looked like a piss stained ST stuck to my kitchen door.

It did push me to get some help for the OCD though.

I still wonder if they tell people that it was the strangest home check they ever did

😂😂😂 this actually made me cry with laughter, thank you so much for sharing

When the lovely lady who sat opposite me in work announced she was having a birthday party that weekend, as it was a special one…

And I said oh lovely, yes 60 is a big one! That will be nice blah blah blah.

I then realised I was surrounded by stunned silence.

With a steely gaze she informed me that she was turning 40.

There was no way back for me other than to smile and nod…and die inside