THE singular most embarrassing moment of your life?

[OlympicProcrastinator]

You know, the one that pops in to your head at 3am 15 years later and you can still feel the burning shame?

I’ll start. Met a client at work and introduced myself, asked their name. It was a fairly unusual name so began making small talk about it / origins, someone I used to know with same name etc etc. Then….for some reason I just completely forgot what we were talking about and followed it up with, “So anyway, you haven’t told me your name”. Que a look of bemusement then disdain from him as he shook his head and said, “I think you’d better go away now”. It was just so awful. I shuffled off.
I saw him a few weeks later with a friend and he was pointing and laughing at me. That was 20 years ago. I Still cringe.

There was a cracking one on here a few years ago where a woman had gone to a wedding she didn’t like and was slagging it off by text to her husband. Except it wasn’t her husband. She’d accidentally text the bride!! Who promptly told her she was blocked forever.

Anyone care to share theirs?

The one that still makes all my internal organs shrivel is from 20 years ago, when a work colleague I got on very well with took me with her on a weekend to Paris to visit her on/off boyfriend. He had some friends, and the plan was to go to their place, have a drink and then go somewhere for dinner.

These Parisian friends were so sophisticated, so quietly confident and...well...French. I went to do the kiss goodbye thing, but due to the fact that I am an unsophisticated klutz I thought that you actually had to kiss people on the cheek. So I planted a big, sticky, purple lipstick mark on BOTH CHEEKS OF THE LOVELY PARISIAN LADY'S FACE and she was really gracious about it which made it worse.

I'm constantly embarrassing myself with stupid comments, going into the wrong loos, walking into doors and so on. I think I've blanked quite a lot out! But a recent one that comes to mind: on a driving lesson, was chatting away with instructor and came to a road that was closed by police, flashing lights, ambulances and all that. Turned the car around and as we were driving away, the instructor said, "that looked like a pretty serious accident." I was concentrating pretty hard on my driving and responded, breezily, "Yep, hope so!"

@JanuaryJonez I’m in Essex. It’s 23 here today but heavily pregnant it feels about 40 degrees!!

@81Byerley

I often wonder how this lady must feel! My husband was in hospital and another patient, in his late eighties, said to a health care assistant "Not ANOTHER blood pressure check!" And the woman said "Yes, well you'd be amazed how much they can tell about your health from your BP readings". He said to her "My dear, do you know who I am? If not, I suggest you go and ask!" He was a Professor of Medicine, and had taught several of the consultants in the hospital. My husband felt very sorry for her, as the next time she came to check the BPs she seemed very embarrassed and not her usual lovely chatty self. I thought the Prof was pretty ignorant, to be honest.

How absolutely rude of him, that's horrible.

Oh god, once you start remembering these they all start to bob up to the surface like an eyeball in a pond, don't they.

Aged about 14. Going out with a boy from the year above and he was gorgeous and (to my mind) so grown up and stuff. He took me to some kind of family party in the community hall, with a buffet and a disco sort of thing. When "Vogue" by Madonna came on, I thought I would impress him with my amazing Vogue dancing, except I had forgotten to account for the fact that I was 14 and never had a dance lesson in my life. Cue some sort of ghastly flailing and jerking, advancing across the dancefloor like a horny octopus having a fit. He watched me for about 3 seconds before bolting off and pretending not to know me.

Dress up day at work for Comic Relief. I got the day wrong.

Me neither. I think it's a kind of "scorched earth" situation

@stressbandit

Why does everyone always assume someone's a journalist it's so boring to keep seeing the same comment pop up fucking hell.

Anyway OP I have so many the worst was probably when I was struggling to carry my shopping home. I struggled across the road to the middle lights and popped the bags down. A few cars started beeping at me and waving at me.
I waved back. The lights had changed to let me cross so I started to cross, and the beeping got more intense. I'd only left a massive bag of shopping at the first lights I'd set down to press the button.
I had to put the shopping down wait for the lights to change again and cross back and get it.
Why did I wave at the cars 😭😭.

'Cause half of last weeks' threads ended up in the Daily Mail, and there's nothing cheaper than getting people to re-tell their favourite story about themselves.

userinterface34
Not long after I started dating my now dh I thought it was him that I saw browsing the ladies underwear so walked up behind him and jabbed him and said what you doing you perv thinking I was funny but It wasn’t him. Poor man went bright red and scuttled off blush
grin That made me chuckle! I had a similar moment. Saw the back of a friend in a theatre. Went up, gave her a cheery poke and said hello. Woman turned round. Not my friend.

Same happened to a friend of a friend (of a friend): saw a friend called Gaye in a queue, rushed up and gave her a big hug from behind and a kiss on the side of the neck. Woman in queue turns around to reveal she is a stranger and the friend trying to cover her embarrassment says, "Oh sorry, I thought you were Gaye".

@Lilyargin

Not me but a friend of a friend (honestly!) On holiday in French alps. All the others went skiing, this man stayed in the chalet. Did a poo in the toilet and it wouldn’t flush. Thought he’d wait a bit and then try again, but the maid came in to clean. Not wanting to leave it there with no explanation he thought he’d try to explain, except he spoke no French, so he beckoned her over, lifted the lid, pointed at the turd and then proceeded to flush the toilet to show it wasn’t working. It flushed.

Stolen story from a Jack Whitehall skit, I'm afraid.

So many awful incidents but this one in particular as I was such a teenage introvert and so awkward.
I was asked to do an assembly with a group of others, when it came to my part I just froze. Couldn't move or speak I was as good as dead, all those hundreds of faces staring at me.
Two teachers had to drag me off into the wings still clutching my piece of paper.

I was wearing a dress with a side zip, and was leaning over my director's keyboard whilst he was seated, trying to show him something on the screen that I'd explained so badly that the only option was to point it out physically. The zip split right in his face and he got an eyeful of the scaffolding holding my bust up zip. Making things worse it was a warm day and DH had dropped me off at work, so I hadn't a cardigan or a coat to spare my blushes. My director wordlessly handed me his suit jacket and kindly never mentioned it again.

This reminds me of the time a random bloke came up behind me and held me round the waist, at which point I jolted round and his face turned purple and he leapt away realising I was, in fact, not his girlfriend! (Who probably wasn't too chuffed either).. plus my parents were watching

I went out to dinner in a very smart hotel with DH's uncle and aunt for their anniversary (one of the 'big' ones) along with all the family including their original bridesmaids who I had never met before.
My DH went to the left to the carvery and let me go ahead, I had the meat served onto my plate and was picking out my veg when DH realized that everyone had gone to the left to the self serve 'starter' section.
I couldn't abandon my plate so had to sit eating my main meal while everyone had their starters and then wait with an empty plate while they all had their main course.

When I was 13 I was delivering newspapers and one house had a very low letter box practically on the floor, so I was crouched down stuffing it through, the door suddenly opened and a man who'd just got out of the shower with a tiny towel (obviously thinking the postie had been and gone) looked down, realised there was a young girl at his feet practically being indecently exposed to and jumped 100ft into the air in mortification.. I found it rather amusing.

Im a medical scientist and while it probably sounds like nothing to most people I once gave a whole speech to a bemused group and suffered a complete autopilot brainfart.

Afterward one said 'that didnt make any sense, what do feet have to do with anything?' and I relised I had done a whole 10 minutes on Chiropractors and spinal issues but saying Chiropodist instead.

I never felt so stupid made worse by the fact everyone there knew how stupid it sounded and was questioning and laughing about it.

Not as bad as the person at uni who obviously hadnt reread after their spell check and submitted their final paper on pregnancy induction refering all the way through to the 'feces' not the 'foetus'.

They made it an example of what not to do and its now legend on the course poor guy.

@MisterMeaner

*userinterface34 Not long after I started dating my now dh I thought it was him that I saw browsing the ladies underwear so walked up behind him and jabbed him and said what you doing you perv thinking I was funny but It wasn’t him. Poor man went bright red and scuttled off blush grin That made me chuckle! I had a similar moment. Saw the back of a friend in a theatre. Went up, gave her a cheery poke and said hello. Woman turned round. Not my friend.*

Same happened to a friend of a friend (of a friend): saw a friend called Gaye in a queue, rushed up and gave her a big hug from behind and a kiss on the side of the neck. Woman in queue turns around to reveal she is a stranger and the friend trying to cover her embarrassment says, "Oh sorry, I thought you were Gaye".

This has happened to me so many times...I feel a tap from behind, turn around, see a total stranger and then they look horrified. I must look like a lot of people from the back...

Haven't RTFT yet but just wanted to add my own favourite one...

I had just got a new motorbike, nipped to Tesco for some supplies.

I was feeling good, I was young and (looking back now) looked fucking amazing in my new leathers.

Full of confidence, I stroll out of the shop, sling my leg over the saddle like the "cool woman on a bike in sexy leathers" in every film ever and start riding away, still full to the brim of sexy confidence.

30 seconds later I get to the zebra crossing near the entrance of the car park, have to stop and.......

Topple slowly sideways, dropping my lovely shiny new bike and putting a dent in the petrol tank.

To make it worse the bike was fucking heavy and it took me a good couple of minutes while the cars built up behind me to pick it up.

When my father in law put his house up for sale and was worried about it taking ages to sell,
Me: oh don’t worry it’s not like you’ve got a neon yellow kitchen or anything
apart from he does in fact have a neon yellow kitchen
I manage to offend this man weekly and he still treats me as one of his own 😂😂

@ImprobablePuffin eleven pages in and I'm still laughing at "Blorgton".

This isn't mine (I promise, I almost wish it were) but an old college friend.

She had drunk far too much, eaten a curry and was staying at someone's house. Everyone was asleep apart from two people frantically going at it in the bathroom (of all places). She desperately needed a shit and with no other options apart from the occupied bathroom, she said she had to try and improvise whilst drunk. She decided to get a little food basket, like those plastic ones you get fries in at burger places (more American than British). For reasons unknown to her, she layered it with a gingham tea towel so it resembled how it would be served in a restaurant. She then crouched and did her business. She meant to put it outside, but for some reason she decided to place it delicately at the bottom of the stairs, in the middle.

The next day the upstairs occupants came downstairs to a shit in a basket, layered with a gingham spread. She never told anyone at the house it was her, so the gingham curry shit ended up being folklore in their friend group!

I was at a wedding and I was really shy at the table. Another guest asked me if I was 'with the bride or groom' obviously a standard question at a wedding but I misunderstood. So I answered and told her that I'm neither the bride or the groom, I'm just a guest.
The table looked dumbfounded that I could be such an idiot and I didn't speak again for the rest of the meal.

@ElaborateSalad

At the age of nineteen, I sleepwalked naked into the taxi rank across the road from my flat.

The first thing I remember was trying to hide myself behind an office chair. The police were called. I honestly had no idea how I'd come to be there.

What was an office chair doing at the taxi rank/in the street?

@ShrikeAttack

I'm widely accepted as unembarrassable.

I've never been embarrassed about anything.

My first husband (who was an utter dick) used to look at me in wonderment and say 'You have no sense of shame do you?'.

And no, I don't have a sense of shame. Because I've done nothing wrong. I'm not embarrassed by something that might be considered embarrassing. All embarrassment is, is when someone behaves in a way that's not considered within the norm.

I'm quite moral. I'm very pragmatic. I accept my lapses as I accept the lapses of others.

But I've never felt embarrassed. Why would I?

There's a vaguely aggressive tone to this reply. Chill out love. This thread isn't meant for you.

[quote ShrikeAttack]@Monsterjuice, nobody ever clapped. It's generally abuse. I support women. There's never been any clapping.

I've had five abortions. No fucker's clapping that. I absolutely advocate each and every one. I don't feel any embarrassment or shame.

Why should I?[/quote]
Wow. 😶😶😶