To put my autistic child in a special school?

[Bowlofcereal]

I have an 8 year old autistic child. He's ahead academically and the teachers tell me he behaves well in class.
We don't have school refusal issues, he doesn't seem to have any real problems at school but I worry about his mental health particularly as he's getting older and all the other kids seem to be making a big social jump.
I know he will be very successful academically but socially he's so far behind.
So my question is has anyone ever moved their autistic child to a special school principally to benefit from the integrated social skills lessons and for them to feel like they fit in by being surrounded by other autistic children?!

Hi. Iv 3 sen kids. I wouldn't in your situation at the moment. He is doing well academically. Are the school providing something like nurture groups or peer groups to help practise his social skills?

Does school have a buddy system?

You could look at asd social groups afterschool. Or hobbies he enjoys that encourage interaction.

Unfortunately special schools near us tend to only be for learning difficulties and aggressive social and emotional issues.

From a professionals POV ( work with SEND chn and YP) I would not even contemplate the move if he is happy, settled and achieving. Maybe look at out of school clubs now things are opening up.

It is very unlikely he will get in. There isn't enough space for children who are completely unable to cope in mainstream, let alone those who are managing ok

I wouldn't he's too academic and the other children may have quite challenging behaviour. Unfortunately there are no schools for bright well behaved kids with ASD that I'm aware! My son would be there too if there was.

In my LEA, even with children with a clear need for special Ed and parents who are 100% fighting for it, very few children manage to get the place. The LEA panel simply say no.

What does his EHC plan state he needs? They’ll probably argue it is being met in m/s.

You could have a look into mainstream secondaries with autism units. There are a couple around here. Specialist autism schools also cater for those children who can't cope with mainstream but are academically able.

I'm only talking about secondaries so I'd leave him where he is for now while you do your research. It will come round faster than you think!

There are schools that cater to high achieving autists, as I’m sure OP knows, but they can be pricey.

Have you identified any possible schools OP? I don’t think it’s outlandish although I can’t say it’s quite what we did. Similar.

There are lots of different types of special school. I think if you can find one thats a good fit it can really beneficial to have a peer group. If all the other children have developed a particular skill they stop playing games or interacting in ways that lets your child practice that skill. They are just at a different stage. They need peers still playing those games and maybe even more direct instruction.

My son went to an academic asd school and the peer group has been a huge bonus. The rest wasnt right for him and he is moving on but thats another story..

Another idea is are there any clubs for ajtistic childrdn he could join? Eg run by the national autistic society.

It’s highly unlikely he’d get a place in a special school. My son is severely autistic, non verbal, with severe learning disabilities and challenging behaviour. He’s an adult, and has been in a special school since he was about 7 or 8 and is now at a specialist college. The schools he’s been in mainly had other kids like him. There were a few children who took GCSE’s and managed well academically but not many. Unless the school he is at can’t meet his needs you’ll probably have to really push for a special needs placement. Its not impossible though!

I would be more looking at schools with specialist autism support.

In a honesty, the schools you are talking about, that are here, would accept him.

And I don't think they would help his social advancement.

You can be the most smartest person in the world but if you don't have the social skills- you would only get so far.

Special schools are not all that easy to get in to. Tbh he doesn't sound like a candidate for the ones I know and plenty of parents whose kids really need them can't get a place.

There are specialist schools that cater to more academic SEN children. But they are usually private. Here's one for example:

www.morehouseschool.co.uk

The school have offered to do a weekly social group but so far it's happened 3 times because of covid. But it's so little time (20mins once a week) that I feel it's neither here nor there!
He does do football which has been great as he plays football every lunchtime. I guess he likes it because it follows rules because he does this rather than play with his "best friends" (using the term loosely!).

For those saying he wouldn't get a place, he would because we'd pay for it at an independent special school near us. Most students have an EHCP but you can just pay privately if they agree he's suitable. They have read his diagnosis and said he can do a week trial and they will decide if he's a good fit or not. But I don't want to let him try it if we aren't sure it would be the right decision. He doesn't have (and wouldn't be awarded) an EHCP because he doesn't need any adjustments made for him in mainstream.

I just worry so much that he might feel different or that he will be bullied because I can see he can't keep up socially.

Thank you for the ASD social group idea. I've never heard of it so don't think we have them locally but I will search and if not set one up!

@Tal45

I wouldn't he's too academic and the other children may have quite challenging behaviour. Unfortunately there are no schools for bright well behaved kids with ASD that I'm aware! My son would be there too if there was.

We ultimately decided to place our DS with his fellow academic aspies, but with a bit of a behaviour range, rather than in mainstream with a behaviour range. It worked beyond our expectations. It made him. It was a tribunal fight, though.

Yes that’s the rub. The finance and the provision are two separate things.

The more people that try to force the LAs to foot the bill, the more likely they will be to seed similar state provision.

I think you’ve got your finger on something OP.

For the last couple of decades the emphasis has been on autistic people fitting in and passing for normal, and slowly we’re getting to a point of making meaningful accommodations and recognising that they are valued in their own right.

My ds is academically bright and well behaved but the social aspect is a problem. He has made friends with a girl who I strongly suspect to also be on the spectrum and you can see how they just “get” each other.

But when we’ve taken part in groups with other diagnosed dc there hasn’t been any sense of finding his tribe - it’s the opposite in fact. He gets intimidated by the behavioural issues.

I gave serious thought at one point to enrolling him in a group for gifted children but I was afraid that might increase the pressure, and he is a child that needs a lot of downtime. Getting him to give up time for any extra curricular activity is a struggle.

He’s moving on to a secondary school that is small and nurturing and costing us a fortune and I’m hoping it might mitigate some of his social struggles. But I have no idea if I’ve chosen well.

I’ve no ideas or solutions, just sympathy.

Good luck, my daughter is in year 5 and is socially behind a lot! she has autism and a ehcp and full 1:1 at school , I wanted her to go to a sen secondary as I don’t think a mainstream one will be right for her and I got told she won’t get into an sen secondary because she’s not behind academically 😕

It doesn't sound a good fit. What about a school with an autism unit?

I just worry so much that he might feel different or that he will be bullied because I can see he can't keep up socially.

Do you think he would understand that dilemma and be up for looking at or trialling the school?

I think you are right to be concerned and actually I admire you. Very few parents are willing to admit their child into specialist schools because their DC's are smart and don't appear that bad. They are right to be cautious. There are very few special schools that cater for academically able SEN children and most are private.

You can be the most smartest person in the world but if you have zero social skills no job is going to employ you- I'm sorry. It's the truth. Academics are great and should always be nurtured. But what's the point of being bright when you suffer with mental health needs or find it difficult to navigate social situations . Not only that as children get older, it is very very difficult to teach social skills to the extent that it generalises. It often takes much slower.
At specialist schools they would run weekly or an x amount of social skills groups conducted by a speech and language therapist. OP, I would also consider private Social skills groups too.

The social gap between NT peers and neurodiverse peers (particularly children with learning disabilities and Autism) gets wider and wider. Well developed social skills supports us massively in this terrifying world. I know that if I see a fight break out in the street, I would look the other way and walk out of their direction, I know not too sit too close to people as people would think I was trying to hurt them if I did that! These nuisances of social skills need to be taught to Autistic children.

I have a son with autism and in your situation, I wouldn’t do it.

@secular39
You can be the most smartest person in the world but if you don't have the social skills- you would only get so far.

This is my worry!! I totally agree with you!

I want him to learn these skills and worry that unless it happens now then it'll be too late.

Some days I thinks he's fine, just quirky, bit odd but it's not a problem. Other days I'm utterly astounded by how autistic his behaviour seems to other people. I think it's like the blinkers are coming off and I'm suddenly realising he's not developing in the same way as his peers and it breaks my heart.

But I don't know whether to move him to prevent him realising the extent of these differences (by surrounding him with similar children and with specialist staff) or whether that would be a real disservice to him when he's probably on track to go to a super selective grammar if he stays in mainstream.