To put my autistic child in a special school?

[Bowlofcereal]

I have an 8 year old autistic child. He's ahead academically and the teachers tell me he behaves well in class.
We don't have school refusal issues, he doesn't seem to have any real problems at school but I worry about his mental health particularly as he's getting older and all the other kids seem to be making a big social jump.
I know he will be very successful academically but socially he's so far behind.
So my question is has anyone ever moved their autistic child to a special school principally to benefit from the integrated social skills lessons and for them to feel like they fit in by being surrounded by other autistic children?!

I was in a very similar position and made the choice to move. I don't think a lot of PPs realise that there are there are specialist schools out there that would meet your sons needs. In our case it was absolutely the right decision.

he would need both an EHCP and evidence that he is unable to have his needs met in a mainstream school with funding and even then its a fight.
Then you would likely find a reduced amount of GCSEs available, although much more of a holistic environment.
If your 8 year old is managing well at school without problems, then I think you are worrying prematurely.

I'm reality he wouldn't get into one here. There isn't really a choice. If he is happy and settled then push for more support with social skills where he is.

@Grimbelina not necessarily. In many areas the options within a 2 hour radius are really grim for academically able, non-challenging behaviour children.

My ds attends a specialist school and i wish he’d never moved there. The school prides itself in being geared up for kids with autism but in reality it’s an EBD school and apart from my ds and a few other kids who are autistic the rest of the kids there either have behaviour disorders with a diagnosis or no diagnoses at all and they simply ended up there because of their extreme behaviour. My ds has copied so much from the kids there and has picked up so much bad language. Whilst mainstream wasn’t perfect I wish he’d have stayed there now.

Hi @RickiTarr is there an easy way of finding a list of these types of private schools in England?

I’ll list a few. NAS education helpline might provide a list. Your LA’s Parent Partnership officers (your allies in all of this) will often make suggestions by region or send you a list.

There’s the Aurora group of schools l:-

www.the-aurora-group.com/childservices

(Read the individual school profiles carefully, they differ slightly in pupil profile, but they are a good spread geographically.)

If you pick selectively through the Priory group schools (painstaking interface) you will find the ones aimed solely or mainly at high achieving autists;

www.priorychildrensservices.co.uk/find-a-location/?services=1424&facilities=1431&page=1

Lots of these are big acreage settings, but Centre academy is tiny and in Wandsworth:-

www.centreacademy.net/

(Will continue on another post…)

Northease Manor in Sussex caters to able students with Spld, Autism, and/or (wonderful atmosphere there);

www.northease.co.uk/

More House school (different feel but lovely too)

www.morehouseschool.co.uk/

Centre Academy (see above ) also has an East Anglian site that I know less about, but worth a read;

www.centreacademy.net/east-anglia/east-anglia-curriculum-academic-programmes/

My memories flagging now. But I will come back tomorrow if I remember more.

I PMed you @Bowlofcereal

You might find that there are quite a few children like him at the super selective grammar, if that's where he ends up.

Memory’s flagging^^!

@DIYandEatCake

He wouldn’t necessarily ‘fit in’ any better in a special school, because not all autistic people are the same - and being among other people who struggle socially might not necessarily help him with his social skills. My eldest is in year 5, autistic (still awaiting assessment but I’m pretty certain, it runs in the family, I’m autistic too) and we’ve applied to a small, nurturing mainstream private school for secondary. She’s academically capable but socially awkward and easily overwhelmed by crowds and noise - for her it feels like the right thing to do, though it’s going to be a huge stretch financially and we’d never thought we’d be the private education types. She wouldn’t cope in the huge local secondaries, I know that for sure, but also I know she needs more academic challenge, more extracurricular activities and friends who are more like her, than she’d find in a special school. It’s a really difficult choice. In your position if he’s happy at the moment I’d leave him where he is, but start doing some research into all the options for secondary (including grammar/private).

Exactly. Like our neurotypical peers having the same neurotype doesn't automatically mean we will get along.

I wasn't diagnosed until my thirties but was very shy at school and developed socially at a different rate to many of my peers. However, I had great friends who had tremendous respect for me and we had a huge sense of loyalty to each other so I was well looked after and fitted in. I'm still in touch with a number of these individuals now.

There seems to be a lot of prejudice on this thread in relation to who your son will be working with and what social skills he needs in life. Whilst working as a teacher, I've had many roles where I've delivered the lesson observations of my colleagues and led the CPD for the whole institution. Furthermore, my husband (who is also autistic) is a director at a large engineering firm and has worked as a manager for most of his career. Although there's been an assumption your son will need to impress those with the predominant neurotype to get on in life this may not be the case. Autistic individuals work in a wide range of roles and many are managers.

What is your sons opinion? My daughter is obviously autistic and although she isn't school age yet we are also looking at small academically selective and nurturing schools as they seem like the best fit for her needs but were happy to change things when she has more of an opinion.

@itssquidstella

You might find that there are quite a few children like him at the super selective grammar, if that's where he ends up.

That is the kind of place where mine transferred for sixth form, after five years of supportive education, intensive on site OT and SLT, a low arousal environment and forming a group of peers. No bells, clear routine. Music and PE adapted to individual needs.

He left with ten GCSEs. They all got a clutch each. Plus a computing qualification each. He still meets up with his two best friends from there and a couple of others more occasionally.

Once in selective sixth form, he immediately bonded with a gang of aspie chaps and they are now all second jobbers after good degrees and excellent unis, and still meet monthly for a pint and chat. A tight core group who also socialise with the other ex grammar students. It was a lovely social sixth form and a good fit.

I know there are several ways to skin this kind of cat, but I will describe our path, in case it’s a useful template for anyone.

Every now and then I bump into someone else who did similar and exchange war stories, so I know it’s increasingly been an option over the past decade and people do win expensive packages through ECHPs by insisting on making a parental application for the ECHP even against school and council reluctance. CAMHS often provides the testing and reports that saves the day by proving need, or otherwise private Ed psychs, OTs, SLTs.

I work In a special school. Hundred percent leave him in mainstream if he is coping there. He will be in a class with challenging behaviour which is very disruptive and means we get little time for anything academic. The range of specIal needs within a class is very broad and social interactions are limited and many are non verbal. Your son would be held back

@Skyla2005

I work In a special school. Hundred percent leave him in mainstream if he is coping there. He will be in a class with challenging behaviour which is very disruptive and means we get little time for anything academic. The range of specIal needs within a class is very broad and social interactions are limited and many are non verbal. Your son would be held back

The schools we are talking about don’t have non verbal pupils, nor emotional, social, behavioural challenges, if you selectively pick through and find the ones offering extensive or personalised GCSE curricula to DC who have HF ASC.

That’s not the type of school under discussion.

As another poster has stated, he won't necessarily benefit more socially in a school with other children like him. I'd speak to the school first to discuss options available to try and help ds in social situations and perhaps a buddy system. Changing his school when he's doing well academically could be more distressing for him due to a change in routine.

Also to add in my area they wouldn't offer him a place if he's doing well in mainstream.

Is he happy where he is OP?
He sounds like he is settled and doing well.
I think in your situation I'd be tempted to keep him where he is for now.
My DH has autism and a PhD, he teaches in a very high achieving private school and says there are quite a few other kids there with ASD. All doing well.
Does he like things like "Magic the gathering" and "dungeons and dragons " one of my kids goes to a weekly tabletop games session and has made lots of friends this way.

My daughter is 17 now and was fine in primary school but once she hit secondary she began to struggle. She is bright but just didn't develop the social skills and independence that her peers did. She was diagnosed at 14. She didn't cope in mainstream school and we took her out by year 10. She needs the life skills classes that they do in specialist schools but they won't accept her because she's too academic. She now spends 99% of her time in her room with the door and curtains shut. The LA can't help us and it sucks. There's nothing for these kids. I feel so let down.

[quote Bowlofcereal]@secular39
You can be the most smartest person in the world but if you don't have the social skills- you would only get so far.

This is my worry!! I totally agree with you!

I want him to learn these skills and worry that unless it happens now then it'll be too late.

Some days I thinks he's fine, just quirky, bit odd but it's not a problem. Other days I'm utterly astounded by how autistic his behaviour seems to other people. I think it's like the blinkers are coming off and I'm suddenly realising he's not developing in the same way as his peers and it breaks my heart.

But I don't know whether to move him to prevent him realising the extent of these differences (by surrounding him with similar children and with specialist staff) or whether that would be a real disservice to him when he's probably on track to go to a super selective grammar if he stays in mainstream.[/quote]
He would fit in very well at DS’s grammar school. Better than my DS to be fair… If you have that option, then that’s the one I’d go for! Most specialist schools will mainly have children with learning and/ or physical difficulties unless you can find a very specialist school.

To the pp asking if he's happy....... I think so, I think he's content, not sure I'd say happy. It's very hard to tell. He's very compliant by nature so he hops out of bed every day and gets ready for school and off we trot. But if I ask if he likes school he only ever says "no, it's boring" . Despite being fully verbal and very bright he can't really hold a sensible conversation so I don't get anywhere asking about his day .
Today he came out of school and had a melt down. They are unusual for him but increasing which is worrying me.

To those talking of specific schools for bright children with HFA and no behavioural issues please can you pm me names if they are in Kent? Thank you!

My autistic Ds spent 5 awful years at his grammar, suffered horrendous bullying and received no support whatsoever.

Academic qualifications are all well and good. But if a young person can't leave their bedroom or function normally, then great GCSE and A Level results mean absolutely nothing.

@Bowlofcereal

To the pp asking if he's happy....... I think so, I think he's content, not sure I'd say happy. It's very hard to tell. He's very compliant by nature so he hops out of bed every day and gets ready for school and off we trot. But if I ask if he likes school he only ever says "no, it's boring" . Despite being fully verbal and very bright he can't really hold a sensible conversation so I don't get anywhere asking about his day . Today he came out of school and had a melt down. They are unusual for him but increasing which is worrying me.

To those talking of specific schools for bright children with HFA and no behavioural issues please can you pm me names if they are in Kent? Thank you!

Laleham Gap! You will need EHCP to get him in there and possibly go to tribunal. Worth the effort. Also look at Ripplevale School.

Some schools offer boarding too (like More House) which could be an option when your son was older?

If he is getting bored at mainstream then unless it is one of the few specialist schools which cater for academically able students I would be very concerned about that side of things.

Could you look at other mainstream schools if you don’t think the one your son is at is helping him enough? If you are in a position to pay for a private specialist school you could also look at private schools which may be able to help him?

If other pupils at the special school have social difficulties (very likely) it's hard to see how their problems would help your son's social development.

Agree with this. Obviously you are in a totally different part of the country but the special schools here are have high levels of behavioural problems or severe learning difficulties- dc that just weren't able to cope in a mainstream setting (and frequently don't cope especially well in this one either, however staff are better placed to cope with it and buildings and equipment is more suitable.) I'd absolutely not advise this for your ds. Perhaps as an independent setting that's not the case though. I don't have any knowledge of these. Maybe visits without your dc and get a feel for it

As a pp has said it's unlikely your ds will be the only autistic dc in a selective grammar.