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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Saturday Night England Match??

463 replies

CityMumma78 · 30/06/2021 23:50

Hey everyone, please help me…
This Saturday we are due to go out with my parents to celebrate their special wedding anniversary. We are going out to a low key basic chain restaurant with our kids and my brother and his kids and we have two tables booked for 7pm. This arrangement has been in place for 1 week and we all live local so no special guests travelling from miles around to attend. Last week when we were arranging the evening we didn’t even consider the Euro fixtures but because England won last night and are playing on Saturday night we REALLY want to watch the game! I asked my parents if they could change the booking by half an hour which would allow us enough time for a leisurely dinner and taking into account the drive home this would enable us to watch the 2nd half. I have checked at the restaurant and there is plenty of availability to make a slightly earlier booking but when I spoke to my parents last night they have refused, point blank refused to change the booking by half an hour from 7pm to 6.30!! There is no reason other than they don’t want to. I haven’t asked them to rearrange the date I just want to bring it forward by 30 minutes but I have been made to feel guilty for even asking and I’m so angry they they can’t be more flexible to allow us to watch just part of the England game in the quarter finals. My husband doesn’t even want to go now.
Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 01/07/2021 11:38

Could your parents agree to switch it to lunch instead then no rushing? We having a BBQ on Sat and will put match on or let people leave early.

SlipperyDippery · 01/07/2021 11:38

Are you suggesting that their big anniversary and having their family celebrating with them isn't/shouldn't be significant for OP's DPs?

No, although it can’t be that important if they only decided to arrange something for it a week in advance.

I’m suggesting everyone should respect what’s important to other people. If it were a wedding, then yeah, that can’t be rearranged. OP would have to suck it up (as I have in the past). But here there are alternatives - an earlier start, or dinner on Sunday night. That way the parents get their dinner and the OP gets to watch the match, or at least half of it.

I didn't see where Wanttocry ever said that it shouldn't be (or wasn't) significant to others - only the response (I expressed similar) to the suggestion that those of us to whom it isn't significant somehow don't understand and, by potential implication, we might be in the wrong

OK so you accept then that the OP is wanting to rearrange this dinner because otherwise she will have to miss out on a significant event? And you still say she is being unreasonable?

rachelvbwho · 01/07/2021 11:42

Yea I would be pee-d off if I was your parents too. Its not just asking to move it earlier... Its the fact you have made it clear you will be fishing off to catch the second half and as a result will probably be distracted / frustrated at the fact you are missing the first half.

However... I REALLY don't care about football but many others (as evidenced in this thread) will feel differently.

MachiaNelly · 01/07/2021 11:50

don't they know it already???
if they don't, then it's too fucking late anyway
if they do, then what's the issue?

Well, they know their wish to celebrate a significant WA with their resulting family is not as important as a football match.

Rosebel · 01/07/2021 11:51

It's a bloody football match! Is it more important than your parents (obviously it is).
I absolutely hate this idea that everything must be arranged to fit in with the football.
You should have checked earlier if it was so important.
I just hate it as my husband insistes on watching it and then has a strop if they loose, which they probably will.

Youdiditanyway · 01/07/2021 11:54

I think any opinion I would have is marred by the fact I have no interest in football and even less interest in England, it’s akin to watching paint dry.

Your parents are more important.

thing47 · 01/07/2021 11:55

It's funny, on MN whenever there is a thread about anniversaries, the overwhelming view is that they don't matter to anyone except the couple and yet here a celebratory dinner is being viewed as some sort of sacred event!

I conclude that a lot of posters are projecting their own dislike of football onto the situation.

OP, do your parents hate football, or is this an issue around them wanting control? And if it's the latter, is this a tendency they have towards other areas of your life too? The answer to that question would determine my response.

MummBraTheEverLeaking · 01/07/2021 11:55

I'd say record it (and you fast forward through half time) but if you're out in public you probably won't escape it if England score, someone in the restaurant will be on their phone following it live. There will be cheers. It's a toughie, either way your folks will be ticked off, half an hour isn't that much to ask. Could you all perhaps pre order your food so you aren't waiting around when you get there?

I get it though, we set up a tv in the hall when an England match happened towards the end of a party for DD so we didn't have a sudden mass exodus straight after the food.

SlipperyDippery · 01/07/2021 11:56

I conclude that a lot of posters are projecting their own dislike of football onto the situation

This hits the nail on the head.

MachiaNelly · 01/07/2021 12:00

Could you all perhaps pre order your food so you aren't waiting around when you get there?

Insult to injury.

VeryLongBeeeeep · 01/07/2021 12:00

I love football and will be watching on Saturday, but I think YABU. As others have said, serious fans know the potential match days/times if their team progress and if it was really important, you could have tried to influence the arrangements when they were first mooted. Now they have been made, I think it's a bit shitty to try to move them for a match you weren't even bothered about enough previously to note the timing. Unlike seemingly 75% of MN however, I am close to my family and much as I love sport I would put a special family event above a sporting occasion. It's not the final and it's not as if you have tickets for the match. There'll be other tournaments, other games.

VeganVeal · 01/07/2021 12:02

@SuperCaliFragalistic

Just tape it.
Tape it? Its not 1994
Arbadacarba · 01/07/2021 12:03

@thing47

It's funny, on MN whenever there is a thread about anniversaries, the overwhelming view is that they don't matter to anyone except the couple and yet here a celebratory dinner is being viewed as some sort of sacred event!

I conclude that a lot of posters are projecting their own dislike of football onto the situation.

OP, do your parents hate football, or is this an issue around them wanting control? And if it's the latter, is this a tendency they have towards other areas of your life too? The answer to that question would determine my response.

The natures of the conflicting events aren't relevant - the invitation which was accepted first should take priority.

That's basic good manners.

You don't try to rearrange an accepted invitation because something else comes along that you'd rather do.

Itsprobablynotcominghome · 01/07/2021 12:03

It’s not just a game ffs.

I really hope England win.

www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/5a8677f8-58ea-44c8-a133-23ea2ae90abb

SchrodingersImmigrant · 01/07/2021 12:03

OP, do your parents hate football, or is this an issue around them wanting control? And if it's the latter, is this a tendency they have towards other areas of your life too? The answer to that question would determine my response.

Imagine planning and booking a celebration and then not wanting to change it for something you don't care about being called controling😂

Honestly, anything could be happening and I would still put my parent's celebration fisrt. Why the heck not.

Wanttocry · 01/07/2021 12:07

It's funny, on MN whenever there is a thread about anniversaries, the overwhelming view is that they don't matter to anyone except the couple and yet here a celebratory dinner is being viewed as some sort of sacred event!

I think if OP had said “my parents want to arrange an anniversary meal for Saturday but I’ve asked for it to be a different day so I can watch the football. AIBU?” she’d have got very different responses. It’s the fact the dinner has already been arranged that makes a difference I think.

BastardMonkfish · 01/07/2021 12:10

Ridiculous, you didn't even know which games were on when and now you want to change everyone's plans because suddenly you want to watch the football Hmm

RuthW · 01/07/2021 12:10

Disgusting you have even asked them. It's a night to celebrate. They expect you to be there all night

SlipperyDippery · 01/07/2021 12:11

Your parents are more important

My parents are more important to me than anything (alongside my other immediate family), but my relationship with them isn’t defined by one meal for an occasion they only decided to mark one week in advance. My parents know how much they mean to me because I show it year round. I also mean a lot to them and they know I love football, they have always supported this passion of mine. They wouldn’t dream of making me miss an important game when a slightly earlier start would mean we could do both.

I suppose how much of a fan OP is of football is relevant. If she’s a passing interest then that’s different to if she’s a super fan and it just slipped her mind to check the game times.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 01/07/2021 12:11

so what of it's been arranged?

something else with a non-negotiable time frame came along (it doesn't matter if it's football or viewing a house or helping a friend) so just be flexible to suit & accommodate everyone!

we have to do this a lot, plans change, life happens. no need to get butthurt about it

tttigress · 01/07/2021 12:11

Do you actually want to watch the football, or just know if England win?

If you have a genuine interest in the style of play record and view at a later date.

If you just want to know the result check on your phone.

Vivi0 · 01/07/2021 12:12

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

The meal clashes with a live event which is important to the OP, her husband and her brother. For them to be expected to just switch off from the event and focus solely on their parents seems rather controlling to me.

So important that they booked it a whole week before?

I get that her parents play second fiddle to a football game and that, even if OP and DH are physically there, they won't be properly 'there' and giving their attention to the family gathering at hand; so half an hour would indeed be pointless one way or the other.

How is it controlling for the DPs not to want to change the time of THEIR special celebratory meal. I'm sure they won't demand that OP and DH must attend with them, if they've now changed their mind and feel they have had a better offer; they'll just know (well, already do now) how important to them they are/aren't.

I didn’t say it was controlling to not change the time of dinner, I said it was controlling to expect people present at the dinner to not think about the football, speak about the football or check scores on their phones.

If the OP’s parents want the full, undivided attention of everyone present, then probably best not to go ahead with a dinner which coincides with a live event which is important to everyone present.

It’s unfortunate, but situations like this happen, and not very often. Throwing statements like “playing second fiddle” and “had a better offer” is just so extreme, as is turning it into a competition about who/what is most important.

Maybe my family are the odd ones here because this situation would have been met with a “Well, it looks like dinner isn’t happening on Saturday. Do you fancy lunch instead and then we’ll head back to your place to watch the football together”.

Arbadacarba · 01/07/2021 12:15

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba

so what of it's been arranged?

something else with a non-negotiable time frame came along (it doesn't matter if it's football or viewing a house or helping a friend) so just be flexible to suit & accommodate everyone!

we have to do this a lot, plans change, life happens. no need to get butthurt about it

The fact it was arranged is key. In effect, the OP is saying 'I'd rather watch this match than be a guest at your anniversary dinner.' That's rude.

It's not 'non-negotiable' because the OP has the option not to watch the match or to watch it at a later time.

If it was so important, the OP could also have checked the timings of the quarter final matches weeks ago, and pencilled in those slots to avoid double-booking.

TurquoiseDragon · 01/07/2021 12:21

@SchrodingersImmigrant

Tbh the fact it’s only been booked a week makes it seem more silly that OP didn’t take it into account when it was arranged.

Exactly 🤷🏻
It's not even double booking. It's changing mind and that's rude. Anyone who cared enough about the matches to ditch family celebration for would know possible dates...

The meal was booked before OP realised about the match date. I was brought up to honour a prior commitment, and in this case, that's the meal.

I'd be pissed off if my kids arranged a dinner with me to celebrate something special, and then wanted to change it for something like this. I'd feel hurt and like I was an inconvenience to them.

And the meal wouldn't be nice because OP and her DH will be clearly itching to leave as soon as they can.

OP, you made the booking, so you should honour it. Give your parents the attention, forget the match.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 01/07/2021 12:21

@Arbadacarba

🤣
but OP didn't say she'd rather watch the game, she said she'd rather do BOTH!
what's wrong with wanting to do 2 things instead of one, if all it takes is a little flexibility?

it doesn't matter that it's football or whatever. it doesn't matter that they could've checked when potential games will be.

the point is that there's this situation now and instead of trying to make the best of it the parents are being needlessly stubborn.
I think that's rude