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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Saturday Night England Match??

463 replies

CityMumma78 · 30/06/2021 23:50

Hey everyone, please help me…
This Saturday we are due to go out with my parents to celebrate their special wedding anniversary. We are going out to a low key basic chain restaurant with our kids and my brother and his kids and we have two tables booked for 7pm. This arrangement has been in place for 1 week and we all live local so no special guests travelling from miles around to attend. Last week when we were arranging the evening we didn’t even consider the Euro fixtures but because England won last night and are playing on Saturday night we REALLY want to watch the game! I asked my parents if they could change the booking by half an hour which would allow us enough time for a leisurely dinner and taking into account the drive home this would enable us to watch the 2nd half. I have checked at the restaurant and there is plenty of availability to make a slightly earlier booking but when I spoke to my parents last night they have refused, point blank refused to change the booking by half an hour from 7pm to 6.30!! There is no reason other than they don’t want to. I haven’t asked them to rearrange the date I just want to bring it forward by 30 minutes but I have been made to feel guilty for even asking and I’m so angry they they can’t be more flexible to allow us to watch just part of the England game in the quarter finals. My husband doesn’t even want to go now.
Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
EmbarrassingMama · 01/07/2021 10:57

...and I can't spell your.

SlipperyDippery · 01/07/2021 10:57

@Wanttocry

anyone who says "just a game" doesn't understand the significance of it.

But it’s not objectively significant. It’s significant to a large number of people, but just because it’s not significant to some people doesn’t mean they don’t understand. It just means it isn’t significant to them.

I’m a big tennis fan, when Andy Murray won Wimbledon for the first time I was over the moon, and I was very tense during last night’s 5 set match. But to the people who might say “it’s just a tennis match” I wouldn’t say “oh you just don’t understand!!”. I would recognise that to them, it is in fact, just a tennis match.

Right, but in telling the OP it isn’t significant, people are projecting their opinion of the match onto her. People are entitled not to care about the football, but saying it shouldn’t be significant to other people because they don’t care is really dickish.

I think YANBU to want to watch the match OP, and I never get people who insist on going ahead with event despite knowing people would rather be doing something else. I do understand the clock watching point, and so I think a better option would be a different night entirely, but it seems your parents won’t be flexible at all.

There is no way in hell I would be able to concentrate on a meal when England were playing in a quarter final. I probably like football more than you (I’ve had the fixtures in my diary since they came out and avoided any events which clash!) but the same principle applies, that it won’t exactly be a nice relaxing meal where you concentrate on their anniversary.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 01/07/2021 10:59

why do these parents need their kids to prove to them that they are important?

don't they know it already???
if they don't, then it's too fucking late anyway
if they do, then what's the issue?

But that's the exact same excuse made by a lot of men who never give their wives cards or presents for birthdays/Christmas/Mothers' Day/Valentine's etc. - or worse, give them an ironing board and expect them to be delighted with it.

Without going into the whole 'love languages' thing, many people are confident that their close family love them - but they still also really appreciate it when they clearly demonstrate their love for them, on days that are special and meaningful to them. They won't die or suffer if all they have is the assumption that they're loved, but it's a natural human desire to have other expressly show it in various ways.

CHISistoast · 01/07/2021 11:00

@LawnFever

Trying to avoid hearing the result isn’t going to work

Of course it is, I completely missed the result of the last match without even really trying!

People in the restaurant will be talking about it... I think if you are true football fans, and from your name I am guessing you might be, then YANBU. It is a shame for them, I get that but, after such a shite year, this is some excitement and hope etc etc. A pp said this had been booked for ages, it says in the OP booked for a week.
Housereno · 01/07/2021 11:03

I am in the same situation as your parents (not an anniversary but DH’s birthday). Booked a date night for saturday at 8pm, the third time we’ve had a babysitter since twins were born last April. And DH has hinted we should cancel.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 01/07/2021 11:05

People are entitled not to care about the football, but saying it shouldn’t be significant to other people because they don’t care is really dickish.

I didn't see where Wanttocry ever said that it shouldn't be (or wasn't) significant to others - only the response (I expressed similar) to the suggestion that those of us to whom it isn't significant somehow don't understand and, by potential implication, we might be in the wrong.

Are you suggesting that their big anniversary and having their family celebrating with them isn't/shouldn't be significant for OP's DPs?

kindaclassy · 01/07/2021 11:05

It's not even the final. Bit sad if you can't make an effort for a wedding anniversary.

Who has diner reservations at 6:30? Unless you are in hospital, it's not really cheerful to be forced to eat so early.

Bedsheets4knickers · 01/07/2021 11:08

YANBU
I'm desperately trying to change my Saturday night shift to Friday . Saying that Saturdays game we should win it's Wednesdays game that will be the one to watch . I just hope we get there 🙏🏻🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

2andahalfpints · 01/07/2021 11:10

YABVU it's a GAME that you can watch as soon as your home, this is your parents fgs 🙄

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 01/07/2021 11:13

As others have said, it's not just about the half hour, as if you had an urgent errand suddenly crop up, that you need to get done, then tick off your list and forget about before enjoying a special evening together. It's sending a very clear message to them that your mind will be elsewhere throughout, you might want to keep glancing at your phone, you'll be looking at your watches and wondering how soon you can get back to the 'important thing' (the match) after you've managed to brush this 'less important thing' (their big day and celebratory family meal) out of the way.

FlowerArranger · 01/07/2021 11:14

Yes, OP should have been more organised and checked the fixtures.

OTOH, if it were me, I'd be more accommodating if one my offspring had this dilemma: "we can go out to dinner some other time - let's have a potluck plus champagne at ours and we'll make a night of it. Celebrate or drown our sorrows - whichever way the cookie crumbles".

And I'm saying this as a mother without any real interest in football, but I'm quite keen on my adult kids Smile

LobotomisedIceSkatingFan · 01/07/2021 11:15

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba

Zilla1
What a great idea for a comedy tv show. A couple of people who can't watch a football match so try and avoid all the results until they can watch it later. Where would be a good, down to earth place to set it and with what regional characters, Scousers, Yorkshire... Geordies?
@Zilla1

this type of scenario has been done to death in various comedy shows.

She knows that. She's very clearly alluding to the famous episode of 'The Likely Lads' . . . 🙄

Wanttocry · 01/07/2021 11:16

It is a shame for them, I get that but, after such a shite year, this is some excitement and hope etc etc. A pp said this had been booked for ages, it says in the OP booked for a week.

Tbh the fact it’s only been booked a week makes it seem more silly that OP didn’t take it into account when it was arranged. I’m not a football fan at all, but DH is. We’re going on holiday next week and purposefully did not book a meal out on the potential semi final day because DH will want to watch it.

OP has double booked herself and is annoyed that other people won’t rearrange things to accommodate her. I get it, but I don’t think the parents are being massively unreasonable. If I were the parents I’d move the meal to a different day because I don’t want to go out for dinner with people who’d rather be somewhere else. But I can see why they are annoyed.

1FootInTheRave · 01/07/2021 11:19

Yanbu

So glad my family aren't precious about shit like this. Half an hours compromise wasn't an unreasonable ask.

As an aside, unless it's a huge anniversary (50th/60th) then most families wouldn't create such a fuss would they?

LobotomisedIceSkatingFan · 01/07/2021 11:20

Frig me, anyone would think we'd made it all the way through with a blistering and peerless display of élan, when in fact we've managed to grind out some fairly unattractive wins to make . . . the quarter finals. Let's see where we are in a week, eh?

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 01/07/2021 11:22

@lobotomisedIceSkatingFan

very clearly

umm, obviously not. I have no idea who the likely lads are or what you mean🤷‍♀️

kindaclassy · 01/07/2021 11:22

As an aside, unless it's a huge anniversary (50th/60th) then most families wouldn't create such a fuss would they?

Well, it's MN. Unlike anyone I know in real life, posters don't celebrate adult birthdays or any kind of anniversary on here.

Vivi0 · 01/07/2021 11:23

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

As others have said, it's not just about the half hour, as if you had an urgent errand suddenly crop up, that you need to get done, then tick off your list and forget about before enjoying a special evening together. It's sending a very clear message to them that your mind will be elsewhere throughout, you might want to keep glancing at your phone, you'll be looking at your watches and wondering how soon you can get back to the 'important thing' (the match) after you've managed to brush this 'less important thing' (their big day and celebratory family meal) out of the way.
But the OP’s mind will be elsewhere, whether the booking is moved 30 minutes earlier or not.

The meal clashes with a live event which is important to the OP, her husband and her brother. For them to be expected to just switch off from the event and focus solely on their parents seems rather controlling to me.

DysmalRadius · 01/07/2021 11:23

DD is delighted she spends a bit of 1 to 1 time with bestie.
bestie is happy she can see both friends.
I'm happy that we could make everyone happy - it's rare.

To be fair, that sounds lovely and all, but it doesn't really help the OP whose parents are probably less likely than a small child to be easily distracted from the disappointment of being ditched and who are not being offered 'special one to one time' with their family, but instead asked to forgo a nice evening meal in favour of a rushed couple of courses with an early cut-off so that some of the people they love most in the world can watch a football match.

Brainwave89 · 01/07/2021 11:26

Really difficult one. I am a big football fan, but a major wedding anniversary would have to be prioritised for me. 30/50 years of marriage has to trump a football match, and your mum and dad might feel they are being treated really poorly if they are bing treated as secondary to a football match?

Wanttocry · 01/07/2021 11:26

As an aside, unless it's a huge anniversary (50th/60th) then most families wouldn't create such a fuss would they?

I don’t think OP has said what the anniversary is, just that it’s special. So it could be 50th.

sadperson16 · 01/07/2021 11:28

I have never ever celebrated an anniversary. Its just a line in the sand.

kindaclassy · 01/07/2021 11:33

@sadperson16

I have never ever celebrated an anniversary. Its just a line in the sand.
many posters on this forum don't even celebrate their wedding! It doesn't mean no one else should.
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 01/07/2021 11:35

The meal clashes with a live event which is important to the OP, her husband and her brother. For them to be expected to just switch off from the event and focus solely on their parents seems rather controlling to me.

So important that they booked it a whole week before?

I get that her parents play second fiddle to a football game and that, even if OP and DH are physically there, they won't be properly 'there' and giving their attention to the family gathering at hand; so half an hour would indeed be pointless one way or the other.

How is it controlling for the DPs not to want to change the time of THEIR special celebratory meal. I'm sure they won't demand that OP and DH must attend with them, if they've now changed their mind and feel they have had a better offer; they'll just know (well, already do now) how important to them they are/aren't.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 01/07/2021 11:36

Tbh the fact it’s only been booked a week makes it seem more silly that OP didn’t take it into account when it was arranged.

Exactly 🤷🏻
It's not even double booking. It's changing mind and that's rude. Anyone who cared enough about the matches to ditch family celebration for would know possible dates...