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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think I'm having a baby, not opening a charity shop.

317 replies

TooManyAnimals94 · 30/06/2021 13:58

Context: I'm 30 wks pregnant with our first baby, have enough clothing bits to get us through the first month or so with LO bearing in mind we don't know how big she will be so just got a few babygros and sleepsuits in various sizes.
However...a friend of mine offered a few bits and I took her up on it, mainly because she offered a baby carrier which I do actually need and I thought its a free bag of clothes...why say no?
We met for breakfast and in the cafe carpark she opens her boot and there are like six bin bags of clothing in there. I start to say that I really don't need/want all of that and she pretty much just shoved it all in my car, laughing about how I'll get through it eventually.
As well as the general inconvenience of having to sort through so many clothes (not arranged in size or anything, just shoved in there) we have a flat with very limited storage space which she knows and I feel like she just couldn't be bothered to go to the charity shop/dump and thought she would try and make it look like she's doing me a favour.
I spoke to my mum about it who said I should just take it all to the dump and not even bother to sort through it...feels awful but probably easier. She also mentioned that all her work friends keep trying to offload stuff on me, all in the name of 'helping' me.
I'm sure I'm not the only one to have experienced this...feeling annoyed that I wasn't more assertive when she just started loading stuff into my car.
As an extra bone of contention, everything is so horrendously pink...when this friend knew I prefer neutral colours.

OP posts:
SmidgenofaPigeon · 30/06/2021 16:59

@1940s I don’t know if you’ve ever lived anywhere with limited storage space. When there’s no extra space, there’s simply no extra space. No amount of vaccum bags and searching for neat little solutions or popping things under furniture helps after a point. I refuse to have my living space taken over by bags of stuff I ‘might’ need simply because someone wants to palm it off onto me. That’s the reality of a lot of living situations with a baby. You’re not obligated to accept any ‘helpful’ donations you don’t want or don’t have space for.

crystaltips98 · 30/06/2021 16:59

I was given 100+ 0-3mth outfits plus all manor of other things mainly by people saying 'I have a couple of things for you'. It was so overwhelming even before baby was born. I had to put a stop to it and lots ended up being passed on or given to charity witgout me using including brand new outfits. Please dont dump them; either charity, or you might have a local babybank charity on facebook.someone will want them.

kindaclassy · 30/06/2021 16:59

toocold54

she said she already bought the clothes. Do read the OP.
Her mistake is not having said no to a little extra.

GloriaSilver · 30/06/2021 17:00

Poor friend probably thinks she is doing you a favour.

Inthesameboatatmo · 30/06/2021 17:00

I would ask if she wants any of it back.
If not either sell it or maybe ask the health visitor if they are still accepting clothes for the families they know are struggling.
My health visitor always said they would never decline and offer of clothes . This was about 8 years ago though so might have changed.

Ifyourehappybutyoublowit · 30/06/2021 17:00

God I was delighted when the same happened to me!!! I think you’re either someone that loves second hand clothes and being thrifty or you hate it and want everything new.

cornflowersandpoppies · 30/06/2021 17:01

I waited a loooong time for my baby, one of the best things about it is dressing him in clothes I like.

YANBU.

kindaclassy · 30/06/2021 17:02

I never understand when people pretend baby clothes have to be stained or dirty. Do they know it's actually ok to wash them as normal?

GlassOnTheLawn · 30/06/2021 17:03

My sons clothes were never 'covered in gunk'. And as for pp about running out of clothes, we never did that either. Washing machines are a marvellous invention

Did your sons never vomit, spit up milk, have nappy leaks, feed themselves purée, do painting, play in muddy puddles and run on grass? I don’t see how children can keep their clothes always clean!

Washing machines are great but if you’re doing several loads a day you need somewhere to dry it all and the energy to keep hanging it up!

Allthegranola · 30/06/2021 17:04

Honestly, have a look through because there might be some hidden gems in there. Even if you only keep a few bits you don't have anything to lose.

Message and just say you don't have storage space for all the rest, and would she like it back or should you just pass it on to charity shops.

HereIfYouNeedMe · 30/06/2021 17:04

If she bagged it all up and put it in her car for you, what difference would it have made for her to drop it at a charity shop? I carry some sentiment for the closed my DS wore and if I gave it all away to a close friend I would be doing it because I cared. She should have asked what you needed though

Blossomtoes · 30/06/2021 17:04

@cornflowersandpoppies

I waited a loooong time for my baby, one of the best things about it is dressing him in clothes I like.

YANBU.

Do you dislike all pre owned clothes? OP hasn’t even investigated the contents of the bags properly , there might be things she really loves in there.
cornflowersandpoppies · 30/06/2021 17:04

In fairness glass I wouldn’t have my son wear clothes covered in sick, I’d change him!

cornflowersandpoppies · 30/06/2021 17:06

Sure blossom but she might be a bit busy.

Then she has to sort what she doesn’t want out and give it away or whatever. It just becomes a pain.

Plus if your tastes are very different there’s a good chance there might not be anything you’re vastly fond of in there.

Nohomemadecandles · 30/06/2021 17:07

Not forgetting that pretty much everyone who arrived to visit also brought clothes as presents with DS1 so we didn't need the hand me downs anyway.
Have to say, I'm more of a fan now he's 10! I like a parcel of clothes from our friends.
But for my first newborn, I wanted new, I could afford new.
Don't be shamed into keeping it all.

nosyupnorth · 30/06/2021 17:09

it's not like she just dumped the stuff on you, she specifically asked if you wanted it and you said yes

if you've now changed your mind/are turning up your nose because it's not all conveniently organised that's not her problem

and for gods sake don't take it to the tip just to make some dramatic point about it not being good enough for you when with the same amount of effort you could take it to a charity shop where it might be passed onto somebody who will use it

Blossomtoes · 30/06/2021 17:09

Sure blossom but she might be a bit busy

Not as busy as she’s going to be!

Badyboo · 30/06/2021 17:10

Except the OP specifically said that it was too much, and the friend shoved it in her car anyway.

JamieLeeBee · 30/06/2021 17:12

@ThursdayWeld

If you're too much of a cheapskate to buy your own carrier happy to accept her charity then you can't really complain about the rest of the stuff.
Was thinking that myself. Carriers are expensive and I'd have been chuffed to be offered one for free, as even second hand a decent one is expensive.

As for the free clothes, all the better.

cornflowersandpoppies · 30/06/2021 17:13

Maybe but I don’t think ‘you are going to be rushed off your feet for months after the birth’ is a good reason for sorting through clothes she doesn’t want BEFORE the birth, is it!?

My time on maternity leave before having ds was spent sleeping, reading and watching tv. As it should be!

Pinuporc · 30/06/2021 17:14

My BIL used to do this all the time - giving me stuff that his DC had grown out of years ago . His DC are at least 12 years older than mine (and my youngest is opposite gender) so 99% of it ended up in a charity shop. I did at least have space to store it though. Sometimes he used to drop a bin liner full of crap cast offs at MILs "for pin's DC" and MIL would sort it out and take it to the charity shop before it got to us!
I am actually really into reusing and recycling (and often shop on fb market place, Ebay, charity shops and boot fairs) but you could tell from the state and smell of the things they had been in his loft for years, and he was doing a clear out and was more convenient to drop with his mum or us, than bother to sort out properly.

JamieLeeBee · 30/06/2021 17:16

In hindsight, I'd actually like her to see this post and ask for the carrier back for someone more grateful and in need.

cornflowersandpoppies · 30/06/2021 17:18

Thats probably the daftest thing I have read on MN.

toocold54 · 30/06/2021 17:19

she said she already bought the clothes. Do read the OP.

kindaclassy

I literally quoted OP who said that the friend asked if she wanted the clothes and OP said yes who wouldn’t say no to free clothes. Maybe you need to read past the bit where she said she’d brought a few bits already.

kindaclassy · 30/06/2021 17:19

@JamieLeeBee

In hindsight, I'd actually like her to see this post and ask for the carrier back for someone more grateful and in need.
if she had 6 bin bags of unsorted clothes, she obviously wanted to get rid of them without feeling bad about it, and making it someone else's problem.

Clearly not someone who actually cares about the clothes.