Issue with sister exaggerating/lying - illness related

[Raffleyourdoughnut]

I have an older sister who exaggerates/lies all the time. The most recent examples relate to her job hunting. She works in IT as part of the company's IT support team. She apparently has been headhunted for deputy head teacher job (which she turned down) even though she has never been a teacher or manager. She also exaggerates/lies about other stupid stuff like her house costing £500,000 when it didn't and her husband earning 6 figures when he doesn't. Her nonsense is usually something minor and easily disproven.

That gives you a flavour of her exaggeration/lies. I've got dozens of other examples.

Today she has called my parents to to say her gp has diagnosed her with a condition which I know for a fact a gp can't diagnose without either seeing her in person or running any tests. The condition is usually diagnosed after seeing a specialist and having tests done. I know because my boyfriend has the condition she is talking about (which she also knows). She has now posted her diagnosis on Facebook and has received lots of sympathy.

Usually her nonsense doesn't bother me as it is harmless. However this time she has gone too far. Our DPs have called me really upset and worried for her. The condition she has picked is serious, painful and life limiting.

AIBU to call her out on this (privately first)? The problem is she never backs down when caught out so she won't retract her FB post willing which will mean I may have to do it publicly. She could easily say to people her gp made a terrible mistake but I know she would never back down.

Are you absolutely certain she hasn’t been diagnosed with this? Like, absolutely sure?

I can’t stand serial liars like your sister. These people are pathological liars and think you are stupid enough to believe their lies.

Is your boyfriend friends with her on social media? Couldn't he say something to catch her out?

I used to have a friend like your sister.

She lied about the big things, the small things and everything in-between.

I finally had enough after 10+ years of "friendship". I'm only now uncovering the scale of the lies.

Can't stand liars. Why, just why??

What does she say when challenged? Eg-I don’t think you’d go far as a deputy head without being a qualified teacher, do you?’ …what would she say?!

It’s frustrating when people lie about everything. The fact is they’re deeply insecure, it must be exhausting having to talk everything up to try and impress people when most of the time they don’t care (why would your own family care how much your house cost?).

If you’re absolutely 100% sure she lied about the illness then maybe you could tell her you’ve got her a zoom appointment with a specialist or similar and you/your parents will be there for moral support to see if she backtracks?

But it might be she just creates a new lie so I’m not sure what you can really do, except feel great pity for her of course. She must be a very desperate, insecure person if she needs validation this way.

It sounds like her illness is being a compulsive liar. I hate them. I would call her out. She is probably lying as well. She is making a joke out of a serious illness and stressing your parents out.

How do you know she hasn't been seen by a specialist though? You need to be 100% sure before you accuse her.

Not saying you're wrong btw but just cover your own tracks.

I have a sister who is very similar - myself and my other sister are no contact with her because we got so fed up of the lies. What do your parents think about her lying (my mother wouldn't ever have it that sister is lying - would say 'oh she exaggerates a bit it's just her way)
My sister recently (via a friend of ours) claimed my mother was in hospital with covid at Easter. My mother is 99 had had both her vaccines by Easter and is very frail - there is no way she would survive covid, and she was only in hospital for one day.

Your sister is being very cruel to put your parents through this worry, - it is pure attention seeking, - if you are sure she hasn't been diagnosed, I would contact her and say your parents are very upset, so if she is lying she needs to stop now. You can probe a bit over what tests she has (or more likely hasn't) had.

Go low contact and defriend her on social media

These people will never stop

Have you managed to convince your parents that it's most likely not true? If yes, I would be tempted to mute her on Facebook (and in real life!) and let her crack on with it. It sounds like no good will come of you confronting her.

How confident are you that she’s not lying about the diagnostic process rather than the diagnosis itself? I.e. she really has been diagnosed but it involved more tests/visits than she’s claiming.

You’ll look like a massive dick if you accuse of lying about something serious and you’re wrong.

Are you 100% sure she hasn’t seen a specialist? It’s extreme to lie about a serious illness.

On the other stuff don’t you call her out on it? Like, nobody can be a head teacher without qualifications, house values are easily public information…

Honestly I would ask her a thousand questions and see how she replies.

Or ask her if she been ordered a "made up" treatment or test.

Kill the lie with kindness/mock concern

How painful, & what a self-obsessed twat she is to choose the condition her BiL actually does suffer from as her latest vehicle for attention.

Your poor parents.
Can they not see through her bullshit? Have you been able to reassure them?

I imagine the optimum route (not that there are any GOOD choices here) would be the disingenuous approach - a.k.a. passive aggression, but you are well-justified:

"Condition X? How awful for you. We know how difficult this is, because as you know, (DH etc). So unlucky for this Condition to hit our family twice!
What specialist are you under?
Did they use the ABC protocol for your diagnosis?
What meds have you been prescribed?
Would you like me to come & support you at your next clinic appointment?"

You know where to take it when she starts blustering & arse-covering ...

for you & DH. I imagine he's hurt/livid.

I have a relative that lies all the time. They have borderline personality disorder. Even though I have sympathy for their condition the lying really, really pisses me off so I can understand where you’re coming from completely. Relative still lies in general to basically everyone but does so less to me after I calmly called out a whopper of a lie. They haven’t really started being honest with me they just don’t tell me anything. Thank god.

@TheUndoingProject

How confident are you that she’s not lying about the diagnostic process rather than the diagnosis itself? I.e. she really has been diagnosed but it involved more tests/visits than she’s claiming.

You’ll look like a massive dick if you accuse of lying about something serious and you’re wrong.

Based on the other examples OP has given, if the sister really had seen a specialist she'd be full of it, and how it was the worst case the consultant had ever seen and how she's been rushed to the front of the queue.

What a coincidence that her condition is something she's already going to know something about.

OP I'd call her out on it. How can she lie (a) to cause her parents so much worry and (b) about a condition which is genuinely going to limit your boyfriend's life?? That's taking lying to the next level.

Agree on the above. I wouldn't call her out but question her about it so she gets caught up in her lies. If she is lying the truth is going to come out eventually.

It sounds like Munchausen Syndrome. I would have a word with your parents about her history of lying and otherwise ignore it. It will eventually become obvious that she's not actually ill.

Just let it go. You know the truth. Unless she’s scamming people. She’s genuinely got a mental health problem.
So unless you want to help her kindly deal with that I would let it go

My sister is a compulsive liar too. She is shameless and doesn't even bag an eyelid when exposed. Once I caught her telling someone that she was a qualified counsellor, when she is not. At the time she worked in a factory. Lately her lies have become more outrageous, involving the police and social services. All eye rolling behaviour. I went low contact, now its no contact with her. You need to go no contact with her, if she has lied about her illness.

You need to be absolutely certain beyond certain before you accuse her of that op

My sister tag herself at the doctors this morning so of course people were like 'you OK hun? She replied with she had a video appointment with the doctor about her condition, is she ok? Etc. Looking at the post she gave for sympand someone mentioned the condition and she said that was what she has.

I' ve now video called her with my bf who asked her tonnes of questions. Who is your consultant? What drugs are you on? Questions you can't fake.

It now appears she might have misheard the gp. It's not MS maybe it's ME that the gp mentioned🤔🙄. Big difference.

I've told her to at least tell our parents she might have misheard.

The trouble is with liars like this is that they often start to believe it themselves so it’s difficult to confront them.
The truth always comes out in the end so let her dig herself deeper and deeper.

I seriously couldn't be dealing with her. I'd delete her from my Facebook and I'd go very LC with her. Let your parents know she's full of shit.