Issue with sister exaggerating/lying - illness related

[Raffleyourdoughnut]

I have an older sister who exaggerates/lies all the time. The most recent examples relate to her job hunting. She works in IT as part of the company's IT support team. She apparently has been headhunted for deputy head teacher job (which she turned down) even though she has never been a teacher or manager. She also exaggerates/lies about other stupid stuff like her house costing £500,000 when it didn't and her husband earning 6 figures when he doesn't. Her nonsense is usually something minor and easily disproven.

That gives you a flavour of her exaggeration/lies. I've got dozens of other examples.

Today she has called my parents to to say her gp has diagnosed her with a condition which I know for a fact a gp can't diagnose without either seeing her in person or running any tests. The condition is usually diagnosed after seeing a specialist and having tests done. I know because my boyfriend has the condition she is talking about (which she also knows). She has now posted her diagnosis on Facebook and has received lots of sympathy.

Usually her nonsense doesn't bother me as it is harmless. However this time she has gone too far. Our DPs have called me really upset and worried for her. The condition she has picked is serious, painful and life limiting.

AIBU to call her out on this (privately first)? The problem is she never backs down when caught out so she won't retract her FB post willing which will mean I may have to do it publicly. She could easily say to people her gp made a terrible mistake but I know she would never back down.

In the middle of something similar and ongoing in my family too. Exhausting and over dramatic.

The latest is announcing the due baby is the first boy in I fail to understand why and why there is such a need to overdramatise.

Apologies - sent in the middle of posting and now nonsense!

I meant to say the latest is announcing their pregnancy with the added that this is the first baby boy in 8 generations ...not true at all and really upsetting for one part of the family where there is an adopted relation.

Why can't the pregnancy announcement be enough?

Also...a doctor doesnt diagnose ME after one appointment. They diagnose it after symptoms have been persistent for 6 months after a load of other tests have ruled everything else out. Eg blood tests hormone tests etc, I also had a neurologist and some heart tests (cant remember what they were now). If she is saying she went to the doctors once or twice and they diagnosed ME without a barrage of other investigations and being pushed to diagnose something, she is lying about that as well

My DB told my DF my DD had leukaemia & I was keeping it from DF. Elderly DF wouldn't believe me & stopped speaking to me for 4 months

Particularly evil as I did have to go through tests for this with DD some years back. My American friend & her DD also went through it at the same time. Thankfully my DD didn't have cancer, but my friends daughter did & died. My DB knew this

They really can be pure evil ... my DB was golden child too

I think you have already done all you can - challenging her wont do any good, just support your parents to ask more questions, take things with a pinch of salt. I am sorry, my sister is a compulsive liar too and it is exhausting to deal with. Never quite as bad at that though.

[quote SingingInTheShithouse]@Feedingthebirds1 OP admits to having M.E. Herself in recent replies. Her DSis is an absolute unbelievable bitch for that & mimicking her DHs MS alone. [/quote]
No, OP doesn't have ME (or if she does she hasn't said). Someone else has said OP has ME, but not OP herself.

Just say " You've gone too far this timer and your latest big fat lie has caused real upset to our parents. I've told them you are lying for attention again. I will say the same to everyone we both know ."

@skodada FYI you can teach without a teaching qualification . Especially in academies and private schools. Most secondaries are academies now so you definitely can teach without teaching qualification.

The problem with compulsive liars is that if ever there is something they are telling the truth about nobody in their right mind believes them because everything else they say is a lie. The boy who cried wolf and all that.

MS diagnosis is a very long process, and I very much doubt the GP has even mentioned it so there’s no chance she’s misunderstood.

I don’t know what the relationship with your parents is like, but I would tell them outright that you know she’s lying. If she has a history of lying then they will likely know that it’s a possibility anyway even if they’ve claimed to believe the lies she’s told in the past.

Hmm. Well you clearly don’t believe her, but nothing you have said is conclusive proof that she is a liar. Academies do offer school management positions to people who have never taught, which has been hilarious the last few weeks fighting to keep the school open with so many staff off we have had to stick the MAT executives in front of bottom set year 9

And I have certainly received an MS diagnosis over the phone from a receptionist after nothing more than a blood test ( mistakenly, as it turned out). Naughty there are different forms of MS, not all are progressive, serious or life limiting. I have a friend with a very mild form, you wouldn’t know most days

I just think it's sad. Your sister is sick, she has quite a serious MH condition. She may not even be aware how extreme it is.

I wouldn't follow any of the advice in here. Compulsive liars don't recover by being humiliated. It's complex but perhaps get some professional advice for you and your parents about how to cope/manage. You all need to accept that this is her and all you can change is your response. It is definitely difficult. But try to understand that she does have a genuinely debilitating illness but that it's mental rather than physical.

I have been through this with a close family member and what worked was a very gentle, loving approach. Tons of patience, give them time to respond (so they don't lie out of panic), reiterate they are loved and accepted for who they are, tons of encouragement.

Our family liar is now almost completely recovered, only slips up when in a panic. I believe that with time and as their confidence grows, they will change that response too.

try to understand that she does have a genuinely debilitating illness but that it's mental rather than physical.

Debilitating to you. Not her.

Munchausen's sufferers don't generally recover and are very difficult to treat, as it happens, cos they get their narc supply so easily from hurting others.

*I have been through this with a close family member and what worked was a very gentle, loving approach. Tons of patience, give them time to respond (so they don't lie out of panic), reiterate they are loved and accepted for who they are, tons of encouragement.

Our family liar is now almost completely recovered, only slips up when in a panic. I believe that with time and as their confidence grows, they will change that response too.*

But you are talking about someone answering with lies. OP's sister is not doing this - she is starting the lies herself and spreading them around on social media.

And you don't know OP's sister has a mental illness - you haven't met her, so even if you are a psychiatrist you shouldn't be offering a diagnosis over the internet. Sometimes people tell lies because it gets them attention which has rewarded them in the past so they continue the behaviour. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

very sexist label I know but Hystrionic personality disorder is interesting

Interesting that it says that the lying is completely unconscious because over the years they've unconsciously associated the warm fuzzy feeling that comes from the attention received telling a tall story

The easily suggestible is interesting too, as the OP's partner had the same condition her sister claimed she had!

@2021hwg

Honestly I would ask her a thousand questions and see how she replies.

Or ask her if she been ordered a "made up" treatment or test.

Kill the lie with kindness/mock concern

I love this idea

Jesus Christ. She was going to pretend to have MS? Seeing as a doctor would not refer to them by their initialisations, how is she going to justify mishearing multiple sclerosis as myalgic encephalomyelitis?

I think most docs (in my own experience) tend to refer to it as chronic fatigue syndrome now, anyway.

I’d have to distance myself from this kind of behaviour.

It sounds like she has 'Factitious Disorder' with Munchausen's syndrome. Maybe express concern to her about her mental health and say that you think it's best that she doesn't post statuses about illness because it might not be helping her.

I don't think she's just simply lying because I don't think anyone would do that about this and she's not doing it for monetary gain so it sounds like a symptom of a psychiatric disorder rather than just straightforward lying.

Attention seeking is attention needing- something is missing in her life for her to be needing to do this.

My sister used to fake relationships with famous celebrities and try to pass off Argos jewellery as Tiffany/Cartier gifts from them. I’ve gone NC but apparently she now has long COVID and struggling being separated from her imaginary partner who is trapped in Australia

Such a lot of hate on this thread and it seems completely disproportionate.

Something is clearly wrong with her regardless of diagnosis but people are very keen to attribute motives to her strange behaviour when you know so very little.

There has got to be a reason she feels the need to lie/exaggerate has she got feelings of inadequacy. Rather than try and catch her out I would sit down with her and try to find out why she feels the need.

One of my (now ex) friends was diagnosed with histrionic personality disorder, the lies she told were horrendous and really damaging to people. She told me once she’d been diagnosed with liver disease, urgently needed a transplant and her brother was a match, when I questioned it more like how could her brother be a match without tests and within 1 day of knowing etc I’m still uncovering the lies years last one was that I was a victim of domestic violence!

As an MS sufferer please let your sister she can have mine if she’s keen to try it for size... it’s non refundable though

@StillCalmX that’s exactly what my ex friends has, i will listen to that out of interest but I could never associate with her again the lies were shocking! She accused an innocent man of rape!

We all know people like this I think. I hope OP comes back to thread although she shouldnt feel she has to! I would love to know if one of her siblings eclipsed her as she grew up. Did she start out the centre of attention and golden child then get relegated to lost child/scapegoat.
Im the scapegoat in my family so i understand wanting to be heard but i dont go about it by lying. I did used to have polarised opinions and a few other ways of behaving that wouldnt have endeared me to wiser folks