Issue with sister exaggerating/lying - illness related

[Raffleyourdoughnut]

I have an older sister who exaggerates/lies all the time. The most recent examples relate to her job hunting. She works in IT as part of the company's IT support team. She apparently has been headhunted for deputy head teacher job (which she turned down) even though she has never been a teacher or manager. She also exaggerates/lies about other stupid stuff like her house costing £500,000 when it didn't and her husband earning 6 figures when he doesn't. Her nonsense is usually something minor and easily disproven.

That gives you a flavour of her exaggeration/lies. I've got dozens of other examples.

Today she has called my parents to to say her gp has diagnosed her with a condition which I know for a fact a gp can't diagnose without either seeing her in person or running any tests. The condition is usually diagnosed after seeing a specialist and having tests done. I know because my boyfriend has the condition she is talking about (which she also knows). She has now posted her diagnosis on Facebook and has received lots of sympathy.

Usually her nonsense doesn't bother me as it is harmless. However this time she has gone too far. Our DPs have called me really upset and worried for her. The condition she has picked is serious, painful and life limiting.

AIBU to call her out on this (privately first)? The problem is she never backs down when caught out so she won't retract her FB post willing which will mean I may have to do it publicly. She could easily say to people her gp made a terrible mistake but I know she would never back down.

Crikey, she sounds way too much like my Walter Mitty DB

He's also had a big cancer scare recently ... NOT

I've no answer, only sympathy OP & to say that in my experience, the best remedy for lying assholes, is No Contact

I would reply to her comment on Facebook with "really! Are you sure, that's pretty serious".

It might have been ME

I imagine she has no idea what ME is either (not diagnosed wo blood test, consultant etc…) and I doubt she would still be at work ….

Raffle she hasn't been diagnosed with M.E. Either. That would only happen once you have had everything else ruled out & that includes a scan for M.S. so basically months. GP wouldn't call it M.E. Either, but CFS & you wouldn't likely hear it called M.E. Until you get to an M.E. Clinic which can take years

That’s interesting @SingingInTheShithouse.
When my GP diagnosed me with ME (or rather Sen due to the ME clinic to be diagnosed) he never did any scans to check for MS!

I’m still at the variations from place to place on how ME is diagnosed….

As far as I know, there's no specific lab test to diagnose ME/CFS, which is convenient if you want to falsely claim to have it.

@SingingInTheShithouse, I have CF. I had full bloods done, but nothing else. I was referred to a ME clinic quite quickly. I have other health issues and health professionals who I've had contact with have referred to it as ME, even though they've read CF.

Gobsmacked they didn't rule our M.S. Not they are very similar in a lot of ways & doctor has to rule out everything else first.

This is from NHS,,, "It can take a while for CFS/ME to be diagnosed because other conditions with similar symptoms need to be ruled out first"

I still don't believe she'd get a diagnosis that quickly though

Just a thought though as you have M.E & she has clear MH problems like my DB

I was initially diagnosed with fibromyalgia & M.E., years down the line it actually turned out to be Ehlers Danlos & Pernicious Anaemia

PA can affect MH badly & my DB was eventually diagnosed with that after a minor stroke. B12 Injections helped him a lot, though not his BS though, but did help some of his MH symptoms that made him easier to deal with for a while.... until he won some money & decided he didn't need me anymore & that's made him a hell of a lot easier to deal with

I’d just ignore her. Leave her to get on with it. If you want contact with her, just treat her like you would normally. I’d personally just go no contact and let her live her sad little lie out on her own.

Ignore her. Every bit of attention you give is oxygen to her lies.

Block, remove her as a Facebook friend and ignore.

Good grief, if she's lying about having MS that's really offensive to people who genuinely have it - and really mean of her to worry your parents like that.

Can you have a serious conversation with her about her need to lie and suggest that she asks for a psychiatric referral?

My dad is like this, it’s utterly exhausting. He has a brain tumour which needs monitoring for size but as it stands is doing him absolutely no harm and isn’t cancerous, however he tells people he has a brain tumour without mentioning it’s benign just to get sympathy.

My "D"Sis was like this. She lied about a lot of things that were harmless, but upsetting to others around her as they downplayed their efforts and experiences (e.g. when someone in the family graduated their masters after a lot of hard graft, she suddenly piped up that she too was accepted on to a masters course, despite never completing her A levels)

For me, the final straw was when she claimed she had gone to A&E with pains and within two hours they'd done tests and diagnosed her with cervical cancer. This was at the same time as when our aunt was terminally ill with cancer.

I cut her out of my life and don't regret it at all. We did try to reconcile but she didn't make it 2 weeks before telling another lie, so we're NC for good now. I highly recommend it.

Ugh, there was a friend in an online group i was in a few years ago who lied about a LOT of things, i eventually called him out in our group chat when he started claiming he donated half his liver to save his friends life. Tried to claim they were the only two O negative blood type in an entire US state, that they took it out via his back not abdomen (not possible), and that both were released from hospital less than 24 hours after op and he drove a 4 hr journey 48 hours "post op" to get home. Blocked by me and kicked out of the group but a few stayed close friends with him, through whom i got sent various threats. 2 years pass, i get an apology message, gave him a second chance because im too soft, within an hour he was apparently the best recruit the US Navy ever had, was top of his class setting records in training but had to drop out as he couldn't hold his breath due to broken ribs from years prior staying broken and constricting his lungs..... blocked without even replying. Actually got a "hi" from him on a new account last week, i'm not engaging. Sorry to hear you can't just cut out the toxicity because it's your sibling :(

People like this have no shame. You could have concrete proof of them lying but they'd still never admit it.

OP I couldn't resist. Google ME until you're nearly an expert yourself. Prepare a lot of deep questions. Put them to her as a friend (ahem) with ME (ahem) has asked you (ahem) to ask her.

In my recent personal experience, GPs don't really refer to it as ME any more anyway, they call it chronic fatigue syndrome, and is only really diagnosed when they have tested for (and ruled out) everything else. A bit like they do with IBS. That's what my GP told me anyway.

Just don’t feed it OP. She thrives on the attention so just cut her off. Eye roll and and ok sis and done.

To be fair to your sister, i WAS told by my gp I had MS. That was after many appointments with neurologists, and mri scans. It took years. I was then told by the leading neurologist at the next appointment a few weeks later (once I had come to terms with my diagnosis) that I shouldn't have been told I definitely had MS because he wasn't sure I had it and i was then diagnosed with a functional neurological disorder. I had untreated hashimotos at the same time which complicated matters.

But ME is something that can't be diagnosed with the onset of first symptoms either. You need to have a pattern of getting better then relapses before anyone will diagnose that.

I'm guessing with all things considered your sister is most likely talking utter crap.

Don't talk to her about it, FB only. She'll shame herself, and warn other people what she's like - herself.

@Feedingthebirds1 OP admits to having M.E. Herself in recent replies. Her DSis is an absolute unbelievable bitch for that & mimicking her DHs MS alone.

I know a woman like this. Pointless lies. Dramatic exaggerations. She has lost the ability to judge what is believable.

She has a very external locus of validation. I know the family and I think she was the golden child until another sibling had conventional success and is now well known and well off. The woman I know has not handled being relegated within her family system v well. Imo. Armchair psychology here.

OP, you can’t teach without a teaching qualification; ask her when she trained as a teacher. Also, schools do not headhunt.

I cant believe she was going to fake having MS.
For how long?!

Your parents arent going to just forget about that, 😵 so she will be exposed now surely.

I think its scum to lie about an illness i know someone who said they had cancer when they didnt and my mum had recently died from it

i dont care about her mh its just low