To feel like looking 'average' these days is bloody hard work?

[JustGiveMeGin]

Disclaimer: I had a similar thread in style and beauty when I wasn't feeling my best. I have definitely made peace with how I look and this is NOT a woe is me thread 🤣
To even look average I have to dye the greys out of my hair, have my eyelashes and eyebrows tinted (did I mention greys?) Remove hair from underarms, legs, bikini area. Spray tan couple of times a week, moisturise after every shower (daily). Wash, conditon and blow dry hair daily. Anti wrinkle face cream twice daily after cleansing. That's just the basics....I can and do go out without makeup bit I feel better with: cc cream, face powder, bronzer, blusher, eyebrow pencil, mascara and lipstick.
To me I feel like I should look like a fucking goddess after all that effort but sadly I still sit in the firmly average camp!
Does anyone get what I mean or have I finally gone off my rocker for good?

@Franklyfrost

What do people with high maintenance beauty regimes think of women who don’t wear make up etc? I’d love to know!

I don’t think I really care what anyone thinks about me not wearing make up so I don’t need to know what they think 🤣.

That sounds exhausting OP. I used to do those things before my dc were born but cannot be bothered with it anymore I never ever blow dry and style my hair, I haven't worn make up since before covid. My only beauty treatment is an eyebrow shape once a month.
I do agree with other posters, you need to boost your confidence with how you feel about yourself.

Looking average is hard work if you are comparing yourself against an unrealistic sample group, such as to be found on social media.

To get a more authentic idea of reality, better to go into a supermarket and have the full 3D experience of ordinary people under ordinary lighting conditions and with no filters.

I don't think you would feel you were falling so short of a perceived standard.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

So so jealous of anyone who can just wash their hair & go though...

Or even just NOT wash their hair and go. Revelation.

It's a mindset, and you can train yourself into it if you really want to. It's a bit like giving up sugar after sugar addiction. Very very hard at first and you miss it like crazy, but then a few months down the line you eat something very sweet and its almost sickening and you don't even enjoy it, it's too much. You have to recalibrate your own visual expectation of normality.

No, really not. I've been working from home for months and months and had plenty of opportunity to try to retrain my hair. It does NOT work. I have greasy hair. It's always greasy by the next day. Having asked on here about it, it seems that hair re-training maybe doesn't work if the cause is hormonal.

My hair also looks shit if I let it dry naturally, but blow drying (as in just drying it, not styling) only takes 5 minutes.

I think you sound like Liz Jones when she is going on a date in her You article
I just have a bath every morning, use antiperspirant, brush my teeth and hair , put mascara on and moisturiser and get dressed. Nothing else .
l am quite happy with myself tbh.
Perhaps it is that , l am content , warts and all lol

I think it's quite a sad reflection of society that so many people, particularly women, feel they HAVE to do things to make themselves look half decent.

I'm very average looking but don't really care.

Gym three mornings a week.
Yoga at home two mornings a week.
Shower, was hair and blow dry hair every morning.
Moisturise body after every shower.
Shave legs, underarms and lady bits every other day.
Day cream before applying make up every morning.
Wash face and apply night cream every night.
Home manicure every week.
Dye hair every month or so however, I am going lighter as the greys appear and plan to let myself go fully grey in time.

I don't have to do this. I don't feel obliged to do this. I do it because I enjoy it and I feel bloody great.

I don’t ‘look down’ on beauty regimes. At least maybe I do a bit,but I’ve never been aware that’s what I was doing. They just leave me totally baffled. Why?????? All that time and money. For what? I guess some people just like going through the procedure. But don’t think ‘it is t working’ because it was never going to change anything anyway. You look the way you look. Or the way you pretend to look with lots of fake things on, in other words, look like you, or look like a person wearing fake things.

The first is always nicer, in my opinion.

I agree no one will notice or care if you have a fake ram, why would they? Totally irrelevant.

And no, I dont think ‘most people moisturise’. I never have. Nor has my daughter, my sisters or my mother.

What’s it for? What’s it supposed to do?

You know the top layer of your skin Isco stanly wearing off, right? Moisturising it won’t do anything.

But do it if you want to. Up to you. Why waste the time and money if you’re not enjoying doing it though?

Like I said I’m just baffled

I totally agree. For me the minimum is, obviously washing hair regularly, hair removal every day (bikini line and very short but not full removal as I hate that). Never go out without make up, that includes foundarion, powder, eye liner, mascara,eye shadow, highlighter,bronzer. Microbladed eyebrows (natural looking not slugs). I also reapply make up regularly throughout the day.

I have olive skin so am either tanned or use skinny tan which looks really natural, its amazing. I also paint my toe nails. Never fingernails as its too much hassle, if I could afford it I'd have them done properly.

I look good-ish, not amazing. There arecso many people with hair extensions, fillers, botox and proper make up (contouring etc) who look perfect, I still feel very ordinary these days, when I was a teenager/20ish people weren't so perfectly done but things are so different now.

If I am completely honest, some people look nice without make up if they are not too pale and have good skin but most people would look better with even a small amount to even put their skin tone or give them some colour. Personally it doesn't bother me of course, totally up to the individual. Its not like its offensive for someone not to be made up.

I'd say embrace your greys and your pale skin. Make them fabulous. Make yourself distinct and you won't look average.

Use a moisturising gel for the shower. Don't wash your hair every day. Mine actually looks better the day after and for a couple of days.
What is your hair like? I'm just washing with conditioner, then a moisturising product every 5 days or more, and I literally just need to run my fingers through it, even in the morning, to make it look good enough.

Skip over most of that stuff on your face, including the bronzer.

Also, we are all different. I have to moisturise arms and legs whenever i shower as I've very dry skin. Also having dry hair means if I wash it more than 3/4 times a fortnight it ends up excessively dry. So if you're someone with greasy hair I totally get having to wash it every day. My ex husband was like that, and he could actually have done to wash his hair and shower twice a day.

I'm the same with the pale skin! I need tan on but I use a moisturising fake tan as I couldn't be arsed tanning and moisturising all the time

Agree, it's ridiculous. Watching old Top of the Pops shows and the audience is shocking. Mousy hair, no eyebrow shaping, no spray tan, no highlighter or contouring..! That's what people look like without all the Instagram crap!

"I wonder if a lot of it is self-perpetuating in a way. So you moisturise, so your skin is used to it and dries out quicker, so you have to keep moisturising etc."

No, that's not how it works. It's pretty normal for skin on the feet to be very dry.

I just think there's so much more pressure on women now. I'm 32. So still fresh faced. But I'm so our of date. I pluck my eyebrows. I Use a lazer as I'm trying to kill off the excess body hair. I'm starting to go patchy in places so hoping it's working.

I just feel like I don't do the half of what a younger teenager or adult does now. I don't get my nails done. I don't have my eyebrows done. I don't have fake eyelashes. I can't contour.

I wear makeup. Estée Lauder foundation or Max factor. Blusher and abit of mascara. I wear jeggings and I attempt to wear nice tops. But I still don't look much.

I feel like on Facebook everyone is so posed now and glam. Sat with a glass of wine and looking all fab. I just don't look nice in photos and to be honest nobody takes nice ones anyway.

I just tell myself that not everyone wants a perfect in fashion on point eye brows woman. Lol

@Gwenhwyfar how long did you go without using products? You have to not use any shampoo or soaps on your hair for min 6 weeks preferably 8 weeks. Rinse daily with only water. From then can wash with shampoo max 1 per week if you really want. It will settle down. I did it 10 years ago and now shampoo maybe every 10 days, sometimes 14 days.

NAh. The only thing I do is have a good expensive haircut (only treat), slam a bit of tinted moisturiser and blusher on and occasionally shave my legs. I don't understand the obsession with eyebrows and lashes and tans and waxes!

It is a really hard thing for people to comment on because there's no level playing field! People have different bodies different hair types, different skin types and different needs for bodies hair and skin!

I havent read full thread, but laughed when I read an answer on page 2 that said doing your bikini Line was about respect for your body and yourself 😅😅😂

I do none of this, and in my view EVERYONE looks better without make up. Ditto for skin and hair (lest you have very oily scalp) : shower twice a week, use a flannel otherwise.
Too much sls and shit in all those things which messes up skin, hormones, water and soil. Also the soul, as my phone first auto-corrected to 😃

I still have some respect for my body + myself 😉

"Since then I’ve learnt that the body adjust to us using cream and stop producing the oil necessary for the skin because we provide it with the cream. Basically we become dependent on it!"

Evidence for that or I'm calling bullshit.
I think it's more that you got used to your skin being a certain way.

@withlotsoflove

Also… some of you sound quite cross too!

This! I don't know why some people get so angry about another woman wanting to make herself feel/look better.

To the poster who asked what I think about people who don't do all of the things I do, my best friend (remember I said I have some friends) does virtually nothing off my list and she is beautiful, she has a gorgeous skin tone, curvy (as in boobs and bum not fat) figure, naturally nice hair and nails etc. She hit the genetic jackpot! Unfortunately for me I did not so I do the stuff I do!

@Doghead and previous posters that picked up on the 'cross ' ones....leave them to it like I say, I'm doing okay and happy enough so their sarky comments will have zero effect on me

I do run but that's more a mental health thing. I'm easily two stone heavier than I was 15 years ago but I'm also 15 years older. Sometimes it gets me down and I think about how lovely it would be to have pert bosoms and a flat tummy but you know it's aging that has done this and I'm happy to be here!

God, I could not be arsed with all that! A spray tan twice a bloody week? Where do you get the time?

think I'm above average actually and don't bother with most things you mentioned. I have my hair cut and coloured every 6 weeks, manicure and pedicure occasionally, minimal makeup every day. I moisturise my face every day but not my body. Shave legs, spray tan etc only when necessary.

You sound a bit obsessive about your beauty regime Op - I bet if you stopped doing most of those things no one would even notice. It's like on the school run - I couldn't tell you which mums do their hair/put makeup on etc as I just don't take much notice of people and I doubt they're taking notice of me!