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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like looking 'average' these days is bloody hard work?

611 replies

JustGiveMeGin · 29/06/2021 12:49

Disclaimer: I had a similar thread in style and beauty when I wasn't feeling my best. I have definitely made peace with how I look and this is NOT a woe is me thread 🤣
To even look average I have to dye the greys out of my hair, have my eyelashes and eyebrows tinted (did I mention greys?) Remove hair from underarms, legs, bikini area. Spray tan couple of times a week, moisturise after every shower (daily). Wash, conditon and blow dry hair daily. Anti wrinkle face cream twice daily after cleansing. That's just the basics....I can and do go out without makeup bit I feel better with: cc cream, face powder, bronzer, blusher, eyebrow pencil, mascara and lipstick.
To me I feel like I should look like a fucking goddess after all that effort but sadly I still sit in the firmly average camp!
Does anyone get what I mean or have I finally gone off my rocker for good?Confused

OP posts:
lljkk · 30/06/2021 15:10

I'm in the YANBU camp.

Difference between us is that I made peace with my ugliness before I was 16yo. Considered the efforts to look good & decided I didn't want to waste my energy on any of it - I learned early in my life that my very best efforts could still be total failure so that was extra incentive to not try to fit in. My most fashion-conscious relatives never said a thing and seem to like me fine it's my parents who have despaired of me all my life followed by my fashion conscious DC (who tbf, despair only a little).

It's funny going thru life as a scruff bag. I cannot understand the rest of you. Whatever makes you happy, of course.

Lweji · 30/06/2021 15:11

I certainly dress (and groom myself) according to the occasion and how I want to be perceived. I understand that is societal pressure, or a need to conform too. Of course I express my personality and make choices within societal expectations, but I am not so naive to think that all I do is only my free will.

cupsofcoffee · 30/06/2021 15:11

If you lived in a society where tanned skin was frowned upon, you wouldn't be having any fake or real tan. You'd be proud of your white skin.

Exactly. In many Asian societies, being pale is admired and something to aim for.

And even in this country, people used to put poison on their faces not that long ago so that they looked as pale as possible, as having a tan was a sign of being a poor manual worker in the fields or on a farm.

Let's be fair - you wear fake tan because the society you live in has convinced you that a tan is a good look. If you were born and raised in Japan, you'd think being pale was the height of fashion instead.

grasstreeleaf · 30/06/2021 15:11

When does the meantime end?

The apocalypse?

serenenadine · 30/06/2021 15:13

@grasstreeleaf

Do people really feel like they need to make a "real effort" in order to get positive attention?

Effort of thought, not necessarily grooming effort. So if I'm running I don't want to look particularly 'dolled up' I want to look like a serious runner, like I mean business. Technical gear, fresh faced, hair tied back and fantastic running technique helps too!Grin If I'm going out to a glamorous bar I might want to look polished with a fashionable outfit and flattering makeup. If I'm going to see a rock band the look would be entirely different again. Chameleon me!Grin

That's exactly how I feel.
BertramLacey · 30/06/2021 15:15

Thanks @turbonerd

VallarMorghulis · 30/06/2021 15:16

I think I look average, and I don't do any of that OP!

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 30/06/2021 15:16

Technical gear, fresh faced, hair tied back and fantastic running technique helps too!

You think 'serious runners' look fresh faced? GrinGrinGrin

I have run several ultras in the fells (I don't do road running), and 'red faced and sweaty' is the usual look for serious runners in my experience!

Gwenhwyfar · 30/06/2021 15:17

@cupsofcoffee

If you lived in a society where tanned skin was frowned upon, you wouldn't be having any fake or real tan. You'd be proud of your white skin.

Exactly. In many Asian societies, being pale is admired and something to aim for.

And even in this country, people used to put poison on their faces not that long ago so that they looked as pale as possible, as having a tan was a sign of being a poor manual worker in the fields or on a farm.

Let's be fair - you wear fake tan because the society you live in has convinced you that a tan is a good look. If you were born and raised in Japan, you'd think being pale was the height of fashion instead.

But that's totally irrelevant because OP lives in the UK in the 21st Century. I mentioned below that there is evidence that tanned people are perceived as more attractive.
grasstreeleaf · 30/06/2021 15:18

You think 'serious runners' look fresh faced

As in no makeup. And I run 10k a day so I think I qualify as at least not a complete amateur.

grasstreeleaf · 30/06/2021 15:19

I have run several ultras in the fells (I don't do road running), and 'red faced and sweaty' is the usual look for serious runners in my experience!

Kudos to you. Yes, I agree with the red and sweaty...that's what fresh faced means doesn't it?Grin

cupsofcoffee · 30/06/2021 15:21

But that's totally irrelevant because OP lives in the UK in the 21st Century.

It's not irrelevant - it's making a point - which is that most people only believe a tan is more attractive because the society they live in has convinced them of that fact.

Tanned people being more attractive is just a modern, western construct. In many countries, pale skin is the ultimate aim and the idea using fake tan or, worse, deliberately going out to tan, horrifies people.

grasstreeleaf · 30/06/2021 15:21

I mentioned below that there is evidence that tanned people are perceived as more attractive

Oh, this has got to be wrong! Admires own pale complexion....

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 30/06/2021 15:23

@grasstreeleaf

You think 'serious runners' look fresh faced

As in no makeup. And I run 10k a day so I think I qualify as at least not a complete amateur.

Ah, we obviously mean different things by 'fresh-faced'

By your definition, my face is always fresh as I don't wear make-up, whereas I would use 'fresh-faced' to describe someone who looks fresh and clean, like they've just got up from a really good sleep.

(Which is not what I look like when running)

grasstreeleaf · 30/06/2021 15:27

like they've just got up from a really good sleep.

Oh, I would get up from a good sleep 'bleary eyed' and somewhat dishevelled.....

Nah, fresh faced is red and sweaty. Shows a good healthy circulation!Grin

DeweyWilkerson · 30/06/2021 15:29

@ScribblyBaller

It’s easy to spot the people who think everyone has the same sort of hair. I have very fine, very straight hair. It needs washing every other day, and that’s only thanks to the wonders of dry shampoo that I can get two days.

And please, no advice on how if you don’t wash your hair for two weeks it will magically stop being oily. Grin

This x1000

People on here saying how unnecessary it is to wash your hair more than a couple of times a week, as if they have a clue what it's like to have fine straight hair and oily skin.

Lweji · 30/06/2021 15:31

But that's totally irrelevant because OP lives in the UK in the 21st Century.

The post you replied to follows replies to another poster who claimed that "I would still wear make up and tan even if I was on a desert island as I like the way look with it on."
So, the reply was totally relevant. Grin
And, exactly, we live in the 21st Century, and in countries that value tanned skin. We "want" a tanned skin because it is valued where we live.

grasstreeleaf · 30/06/2021 15:39

And, exactly, we live in the 21st Century, and in countries that value tanned skin. We "want" a tanned skin because it is valued where we live.

Things are changing, though. I think 'peak tan' was the early 00s or maybe the 70s 80s. Now sun beds are out because of safety concerns less people are seriously fake tanned orange. A lot of more covered up clothes about too so there is less of an emphasis on tanned skin there is more of an awareness of diversity issues so you tend to get models with a variety of skin tones and pigmentations.

Lweji · 30/06/2021 15:42

I certainly hope so!

grasstreeleaf · 30/06/2021 16:00

Now this bird is interesting. It doesn't like having a short tail so fakes it's tail feathers

Must be something in the innate theories.

grasstreeleaf · 30/06/2021 16:03

Sorry scrap that. Just read in the comments it's a nesting behaviour.

lazylinguist · 30/06/2021 16:57

It’s easy to spot the people who think everyone has the same sort of hair. I have very fine, very straight hair. It needs washing every other day, and that’s only thanks to the wonders of dry shampoo that I can get two days. And please, no advice on how if you don’t wash your hair for two weeks it will magically stop being oily.

Absolutely. I have very fine, very straight hair too. I've tried the not washing it for ages thing. It was hell and it didn't remotely work. People also suggest using shampoos etc with no silicone, no sulphates. Yup, I already do that. Makes no difference to how quickly my hair gets greasy. That's just what my hair is like!

Original poster
JustGiveMeGin · 30/06/2021 17:22

Well this all took a turn! From me having no personality or no character, conforming to a patriarchal society, ignoring diversity issues......etc etc etc.
Bloody hell, it was meant to be lighthearted Grin

OP posts:
ilovechocolate07 · 30/06/2021 17:32

I'm at the stage where the children at work think I look like a princess and 'beautiful' when I have my hair down or put on some mascara (for photos day). I'm mid 30s and I never bother with tan anymore, hadn't coloured my hair for 18 months before I put a semi permanent on the other day as I'm off to a wedding and I pluck my eyebrows when I shock myself looking in my car mirror 😅 I do like nice clothes and dress up a bit to go put but that hasn't happened in a long time. I think my eyelashes are OK and I scrub up well but I just can't be bothered. I pay so little attention to other people's appearance that I suppose I presume that others don't care about mine so I concentrate on comfort.

LalalalalalaLand123 · 30/06/2021 17:37

That is a lot OP. My "average" doesn't include the tanning, daily hair washing or all the makeup you do - face powder, eyeliner, mascara and lip balm for me. I'm sure you could pare down and still achieve averageness?
But yes, just "the basics" are a lot of work.