To feel like looking 'average' these days is bloody hard work?

[JustGiveMeGin]

Disclaimer: I had a similar thread in style and beauty when I wasn't feeling my best. I have definitely made peace with how I look and this is NOT a woe is me thread 🤣
To even look average I have to dye the greys out of my hair, have my eyelashes and eyebrows tinted (did I mention greys?) Remove hair from underarms, legs, bikini area. Spray tan couple of times a week, moisturise after every shower (daily). Wash, conditon and blow dry hair daily. Anti wrinkle face cream twice daily after cleansing. That's just the basics....I can and do go out without makeup bit I feel better with: cc cream, face powder, bronzer, blusher, eyebrow pencil, mascara and lipstick.
To me I feel like I should look like a fucking goddess after all that effort but sadly I still sit in the firmly average camp!
Does anyone get what I mean or have I finally gone off my rocker for good?

People aren’t talking about hygiene. One poster said having a bikini wax was a matter of self respect.

Why do people keep bringing up male hygiene? Why is the standard for men have a shower and brush your teeth and the standard for women is shower, wash and style hair, shave entire body, tan, makeup, Botox, fillers, eyebrow tinting, eyelash extensions, manicure, pedicure etc etc?

If people want to do this, totally fine. The expectation that women look ‘rough’ or bad without it, or that a woman not doing all this is akin to a man not showering is shocking.

The expectations of women are just ridiculous.

I'm so glad that I've somehow managed to avoid being indoctrinated with the idea that this kind of regime is the bare minimum I must do to avoid looking like a hideous troglodyte.

Also, for those people who go in for the fillers, botox etc. - doesn't it occur to you that injecting poison and various other foreign toxins into your body is the precise opposite of 'looking after yourself'?

'Looking after yourself' is about eating well, exercising, getting enough sleep, and caring for your mental health. You know, the things that actually make you healthier. You can have a beauty regime as well if you like, but it's not a requirement.

@MrsBobDylan

I feel the same as you *@MrsJBaptiste* . It comes down to having a little self-love really.

@MrsBobDylan

What an awful thing to say.

Would you tell your DD she doesn't love herself unless she wears make up?

There's a reason so many girls end up with body issues and self harm issues.
And it's from people like you telling them thay can't possibly love themselves unless they dye their hair and wear make up.

You nasty women. Very unlike what I'd expect from Bob Dylans wife.

‘I can't help thinking that the majority on this thread must look well rough with your hairy legs and armpits and your greasy grey hair, invisible eyelashes and white mottled skin.’

Surely the average woman in the U.K. already has dark eyelashes and eyebrows because natural blondes are a small minority? And nobody can see if you have hairy legs and armpits because the average person walks around with their clothes on?

My eyebrows have grey bits! Hello eyebrow pencil to colour those bits in. That doesn't take long though. I favour a more natural look so I don't massively go in for the very precise shaping etc.

@Yrevocsid

I can't help thinking that the majority on this thread must look well rough with your hairy legs and armpits and your greasy grey hair, invisible eyelashes and white mottled skin.

Couldn't give a fuck, I'm too busy doing things I enjoy. If beauty is your thing and you enjoy it, that's great crack on, as long as I'm clean and fairly tidy I'll give it all a miss. I live in a strong outdoor area where the pressure to conform to any beauty standard is pretty small. I can see it might be more tricky in areas where every woman might seem to adhere to the regime.

@MissTrip82

Maybe it’s age-related too? I work with hundreds of women (in a hospital) and a surprising number of those under 30 have eyelash extensions and eyebrows tattooed and so on.

I wear makeup every day but as I’m 40 I learned how to do it in the 90s and so it’s much lighter than the norm now - people quite often comment that I don’t wear makeup…..haha.

Of course you’ve unleashed the MN competitive anti-grooming so someone has actually claimed with a straight face that washing your hair daily is ‘exhausting’ 😂😂😂

Honestly. Not competitive. At all.

Washing my hair every day… never ever have I ever. The idea of it is exhausting.

Every five or six or seven days. I have dry hair, air dry it, too. Never used straighteners.

It’s easy to assume ‘everyone’ is doing as much, or as little, as oneself!

Now this woman is amazing and looks it!

It’s easy to spot the people who think everyone has the same sort of hair. I have very fine, very straight hair. It needs washing every other day, and that’s only thanks to the wonders of dry shampoo that I can get two days.

And please, no advice on how if you don’t wash your hair for two weeks it will magically stop being oily.

@Yrevocsid my skin isn't mottled just because it's pale because I have a really good skincare routine. My eyelashes are naturally pale so that's normal. Nobody is seeing my legs or armpits so nobody knows if they're shaved. No grey hair and it doesn't get greasy as it's so curly
I do love makeup but I'm happy to go out without it (I wouldn't have done before covid!)
Tomorrow I might be full glam makeup with shaved legs, might be no makeup with not shaved legs. Who knows

@ScribblyBaller can I swap?! Mine only needs washing every 3-4 days but it's curly and takes an hour at least to diffuse dry

I can't help thinking that the majority on this thread must look well rough with your hairy legs and armpits and your greasy grey hair, invisible eyelashes and white mottled skin.

People don't generally see whether my legs are shaved or not because I usually wear trousers, leggings or tights. There may be a few times in summer when they can see my armpits but honestly I don't think a bit of hair will bother them and if it does it's on them. I get complimented on my hair because it's thick, red and curly. There are bits of grey in it much of which I dye but I don't see that as compulsory. My eyelashes are pale, so what? My skin is white, it's not mottled.

I don't conform to some specific beauty standards. I am happy in my own skin and my partner thinks I'm gorgeous. But then he knows that even if I sometimes do look like I've rolled out of bed, it's his bed and I've been naked in it, which keeps him happy.

I can't help thinking that the majority on this thread must look well rough with your hairy legs and armpits and your greasy grey hair, invisible eyelashes and white mottled skin.

Nah, what they see are my bright eyes, wide smile, and fun clothes. Plus, you know, my actual friends don't care what I look like. They just like me.

[quote PawsQueen]@ScribblyBaller can I swap?! Mine only needs washing every 3-4 days but it's curly and takes an hour at least to diffuse dry [/quote]
That sounds annoying, mine dries really quickly. I suppose we all have our hairy crosses to bear!

It’s ironic
But I find that many people who choose not to partake in “beautifying” on the grounds of not wanting to conform to pressure and / or think its fake, unnecessary etc

load their comment with judgement and unpleasantness against those that do.

Whereas most who do partake, just post what they do and don’t say a word against those that choose not to

@Scaredycatmoo76

It’s ironic But I find that many people who choose not to partake in “beautifying” on the grounds of not wanting to conform to pressure and / or think its fake, unnecessary etc

load their comment with judgement and unpleasantness against those that do.

Whereas most who do partake, just post what they do and don’t say a word against those that choose not to

Even though you've qualified and said 'most' don't, I think there's a fair amount of observation bias in your statement. There have been some very harsh and at times very nasty comments directed at women who choose to minimise the amount of grooming they do beyond hygiene and cleanliness.

I know the OP meant this thread to be light-hearted but threads often don't go the way the OP meant and take on a life of their own. From my perspective, I've spent a lot of time with my DP's teenage daughter whilst she sobs her heart out because she is being bullied at school for her appearance. She spends hours trying to work out what to wear, what to do with her skin and how to wash and style her hair just so they'll leave her alone. She's being bullied so much she has panic attacks. It's heartbreaking to see.

So for me this isn't a light-hearted topic. I'd rather no woman or girl felt they needed to put this much work into looking 'average'. Do it, don't do it, but don't feel obliged to. And just celebrate what you've got and all our differences. Whether your hair is dry or oily, whether you're pale or bronzed, whether it takes you an hour to get out of the door or 5 minutes, just celebrate being that way. Maybe if we all did this and were happy in our own skins I wouldn't have to spend quite so much time convincing a desperately unhappy teenage girl that she's lovely exactly how she is.

We've had so many waves of feminism that I'm feeling seasick and yet people are still bullied for how they look and still think natural skin and hair are disgusting. Get over it, it's fine.

@Scaredycatmoo76, I think there has been some judgment & unpleasantness on both sides. Having a pared down grooming routine has been aligned with not having any 'self respect' and depression. Neither of which need be the case.

I think people get frustrated when they feel societal grooming standards for women are disproportionately too exacting, time consuming, onerous, painful, detrimental to their health and expensive. However our society is diverse and not everyone has the same standards over what is good and acceptable. People will argue over this because if there is a standard that you are proud to conform to you don't want it devalued.

Most women want to receive some degree of appreciation, approval and respect. Hence the internal conflict if they are trying to uphold unrealistic grooming standards.

I think everyone's basics are different too
So I would rather have legs that haven't been shaved for 3 days (as I have pale hair) than go to work without makeup whereas someone else might be the opposite

It’s ironic
But I find that many people who choose not to partake in “beautifying” on the grounds of not wanting to conform to pressure and / or think its fake, unnecessary etc
load their comment with judgement and unpleasantness against those that do.

Whereas most who do partake, just post what they do and don’t say a word against those that choose not to
Except this thread has countless examples where women should take the time to address what their main need is, that women look better with make up, that women who don't partake look like they've just rolled out of bed, the natural look only works if women look a certain way etc.

There is absolutely no escaping that there's a whole industry designed to make money off women by selling a particular aesthetic.

There is also a huge difference between:
A) I enjoy wearing make up and pampering myself, but others might not.
And
B) If I don't do his beauty regime then I look dreadful, doing all this beauty stuff is essential to look passable in life, and people who don't do certain beauty things look a mess because they're not naturally beautiful enough

I mean, I'm currently bemoaning the fact flat arses seem to be a bit out of fashion now that women with more ample behinds have had their way...

I'll just have to be a trend setter!

@stayathomer

Men don't get accused of lacking self-love if they don't have an intensive grooming regime, do they? Hygiene is linked to depression and mh issues. We were really worried about my db over lockdown, my mum was saying he'd grown a beard and his locks and wasn't washing regularly and he was extra quiet and noisy (he has AS). When the barbers opened he god his hair and locks cut, came home and had a shower and shave and then went out for his first walk. Women just have different routines but it's a similar thing

Hygiene is washing your hair, showering and brushing your teeth. It has nothing to do with self-tan, dyeing your hair or eyebrows, shaving your legs or wearing make-up everyday - which is what people are talking about here.

You can be perfectly clean and hygienic without having a beauty regime.

@LolaSmiles

It’s ironic But I find that many people who choose not to partake in “beautifying” on the grounds of not wanting to conform to pressure and / or think its fake, unnecessary etc load their comment with judgement and unpleasantness against those that do.

Whereas most who do partake, just post what they do and don’t say a word against those that choose not to
Except this thread has countless examples where women should take the time to address what their main need is, that women look better with make up, that women who don't partake look like they've just rolled out of bed, the natural look only works if women look a certain way etc.

There is absolutely no escaping that there's a whole industry designed to make money off women by selling a particular aesthetic.

There is also a huge difference between:
A) I enjoy wearing make up and pampering myself, but others might not.
And
B) If I don't do his beauty regime then I look dreadful, doing all this beauty stuff is essential to look passable in life, and people who don't do certain beauty things look a mess because they're not naturally beautiful enough

Well said!

And there is a massive difference between being clean and beauty products.

You can still be well turned out and beautiful without putting extras on your face.

You can still be well turned out and beautiful without putting extras on your face.

You can be but society still judges.

So people feel judged for having acne, hyperpigmentation, being pale, being dark, having freckles, being rosy cheeked, having thread veins, having grey hair, having dark circles, having wrinkles, facial hair, narrow lips, wide lips, big eyes, uneven lips, small eyes, hooded eyes, protruding eyes etc etc

Make up changes how a person looks so they can conceal features they don't like personally or they feel judged for and stared at for.

Until we live in a society that doesn't judge other people on their appearance then people will seek to change their appearance. It's unpleasant feeling judged.