To feel like looking 'average' these days is bloody hard work?

[JustGiveMeGin]

Disclaimer: I had a similar thread in style and beauty when I wasn't feeling my best. I have definitely made peace with how I look and this is NOT a woe is me thread 🤣
To even look average I have to dye the greys out of my hair, have my eyelashes and eyebrows tinted (did I mention greys?) Remove hair from underarms, legs, bikini area. Spray tan couple of times a week, moisturise after every shower (daily). Wash, conditon and blow dry hair daily. Anti wrinkle face cream twice daily after cleansing. That's just the basics....I can and do go out without makeup bit I feel better with: cc cream, face powder, bronzer, blusher, eyebrow pencil, mascara and lipstick.
To me I feel like I should look like a fucking goddess after all that effort but sadly I still sit in the firmly average camp!
Does anyone get what I mean or have I finally gone off my rocker for good?

@grasstreeleaf

It makes me feel very anxious at the thought of cutting any of it out.

I just learnt to do some of the stuff you get done professionally, myself. And I'm of the opinion it is not wrinkles which age a person the most. People have certainly treated me like I am younger since I've started running and look much fitter (slimmer, more muscle tone, more flexibility). I no longer get called 'madam'! I am older though with probably a few more wrinkles.

Don't even get me started on exercise. Predictably I have an Unhealthy interest with being thin and exercising to unnecessary levels. I very much admire all these posters who are happy in their own skin. Also as the OP mentioned it makes me sound like an all consuming bore bag but I'm really not. I have a great job, lovely family and social life. I have however never felt good enough if if I have it took a lot to get there.

@motogogo the town I live in is quite rural, I ride horses, walk my two dogs and am fairly outdoorsy. Like I say, the stuff I do hasn't taken over my life.

@serenenadine

This is my regime. Which just typing it out makes me depressed. Professional manicure and pedicure every two weeks. Brow and top lip threading every month. Full Hollywood bikini wax every month. Micro blading every year to top up Botox every six months and currently thinking about fillers. Hair cut and coloured every six months. After all this. Distinctly average at best. I'm 45 and just look very plain. It makes me feel very anxious at the thought of cutting any of it out.

Don't do fillers, they make people look weird and could easily go wrong. Just look at Aniston and Cox for an extreme example.

And for all those saying you can't tell when it's done well, rubbish. People are just too polite to say 'wtf have you done to your face?'

Get out and enjoy life, a smile is a natural facelift.

I get what you mean. I think a lot of what you mention is, unfortunately, considered just basic "maintenance" for women rather than improvements, and for different people it takes a different amount of effort to achieve it. Like body hair removal, or having presentable well kept hair, or not having obviously dry skin, etc. But these things are not drastic and don't change our overall appearance, it is just a more polished version of what is already there.

Poor Tilda Swinton, crying herself to sleep again with her pale skin and pale eyebrows. How does the poor wee lamb cope?

Nice bit of misogyny re: buzzcuts - PP stated 99.9% of women wouldn't shave their heads because it wouldn't suit them. So fucking what? I'm short, old and fat and gave myself a buzzcut last year - number 2 graded in. Did it suit me? Did it make me acceptably beautiful? IDGAF - and I find it bizarre that we carry around these doubts in case we offend.

Maybe it’s age-related too? I work with hundreds of women (in a hospital) and a surprising number of those under 30 have eyelash extensions and eyebrows tattooed and so on.

I wear makeup every day but as I’m 40 I learned how to do it in the 90s and so it’s much lighter than the norm now - people quite often comment that I don’t wear makeup…..haha.

Of course you’ve unleashed the MN competitive anti-grooming so someone has actually claimed with a straight face that washing your hair daily is ‘exhausting’ 😂😂😂

[quote JustGiveMeGin]@mustlovegin (great username!) I am beyond pale...I make a ghost look healthy unless I have the tan on
In summer I feel more confident in skirts and shorts with a bit of colour so it must be done!
I don't think I put undue pressure on myself, when I look around at women roughly the same age as me I'm certainly only just 'keeping up' standards wise.
Like I say, I should be a goddess but it's just not flipping happening [/quote]
I am super pale and I love it. I actually feel disappointed if I catch the sun lol. Own your pale skin!

I can't help thinking that the majority on this thread must look well rough with your hairy legs and armpits and your greasy grey hair, invisible eyelashes and white mottled skin.

@Yrevocsid

I can't help thinking that the majority on this thread must look well rough with your hairy legs and armpits and your greasy grey hair, invisible eyelashes and white mottled skin.

Actually I'm a natural beauty.

Lucky I guess.

@Yrevocsid

I can't help thinking that the majority on this thread must look well rough with your hairy legs and armpits and your greasy grey hair, invisible eyelashes and white mottled skin.

Newsflash: that's how nature makes humans!!!! Woohoo!!!!

I imagine most women posting on this thread look perfectly, clean acceptable and presentable human beings without subscribing to media beauty standards, where everyone has to look eternally youthful and underweight.

As I said, I associate being 'youthful' with good fitness and mobility. Plus, I think a lot of people do subconsciously. I have been treated more as a younger person since improving my fitness running over the last few years. I think fitness and mobility allows you to move and hold yourself more like a younger person. Previously, I was overweight with a bad back and I looked and felt much older!

I don't think these assumptions are unhealthy.

But at the same time a lot of things blamed on "getting old" are actually lack of fitness, poor sleep, poor diet, too much alcohol and excess weight. Or made worse by one or more of those things.

By middle age, the majority of people are overweight and unfit in this country so if you are slim and fit you are above average anyway!

@Yrevocsid

I can't help thinking that the majority on this thread must look well rough with your hairy legs and armpits and your greasy grey hair, invisible eyelashes and white mottled skin.

Most people don’t have invisible evelashes. I don’t often have my armpits on display. My legs aren’t perfectly shaved. There is approximately one inch of skin visible with a few hairs. Seriously, who is going to be offended by that and why should I care about them? I have varicose veins than no fake tan will cover. My skin could be an advert for daz. My hair is a bit messy with a few greys but clean. No one has said having dirty hair is something to aim for. My face is clean. I look like a perfectly acceptable person.

Again, there is nothing wrong with wearing make up, waxing etc but it’s the pressure to do it so you look “half decent” or “not like shite” that’s the issue.

I lost a lot of my eyelashes a few years ago through chemo treatment. I was surprised they don't make that much difference. I just wore eyeliner for definition.

For everyone saying "Life's to short for all this beautifying" there are plenty of us that think life's too short to not like your appearance when you're make-up free and haven't made an effort.

A friend often says that life's too short to diet and watch what you eat just to be slim but I disagree as for me, life's too short to be bigger than you'd like when for sacrifices you can do something about it.

Honestly op, if you have naturally very pale skin, the self tan will look unnatural and a bit weird.

I spend a fair bit of time on myself because I enjoy it. I have feet that naturally dry out so I file them and moisturise daily, wear spf daily to prevent more wrinkles and sun damage, wear really lovely make up brands from TKMaxx, epilate so I don't have hairy ankles poking out the bottom of my jeans and cut and colour my own hair as needed.

Doesn't cost much, probably takes an hour a day and I feel good. I am a full time carer and the rest of my life can be challenging and visceral-it is nice to escape into a world of self-absorbed beauty for a while every day

I can't help thinking that the majority on this thread must look well rough with your hairy legs and armpits and your greasy grey hair, invisible eyelashes and white mottled skin.
This was me this morning

I feel the same as you @MrsJBaptiste . It comes down to having a little self-love really.

I predicted this in the 90s, I was in my twenties and I used to go round saying "By the time I am 50, people will have to have eyebrow shaping, lip waxing, manicures, tooth whitening and loads of dental work, botox and other plastic surgery just to look normal." And I never wanted to wear makeup or have any og those invasive treatments and I was really worried I wouldn't be treated well at work if I stood out.

It hasn't wholly come to pass but I feel that being a senior at work and never wearing any makeup is an almost outrageous 'statement' I make when really it should be neither here nor there.

@MrsBobDylan

I feel the same as you *@MrsJBaptiste* . It comes down to having a little self-love really.

Spending time on beauty may be one way of expressing self-love for some people, but it isn't the only way to do so, and it's perfectly possible to express self-love while doing almost none of what the OP lists.

Self love could mean going for a run, looking after your health by eating well, taking time to relax/meditate, taking time out for hobbies or crafts, cultivating solid friendships.....

There are so many ways that people can look after their mental health and treat themselves well without putting a single bit of make-up on their face!

Men don't get accused of lacking self-love if they don't have an intensive grooming regime, do they?

@HarebrightCedarmoon

But at the same time a lot of things blamed on "getting old" are actually lack of fitness, poor sleep, poor diet, too much alcohol and excess weight. Or made worse by one or more of those things.

By middle age, the majority of people are overweight and unfit in this country so if you are slim and fit you are above average anyway!

I agree with this! I look around at many of my peers from uni and wonder what happened! Many of them (mostly the men tbh!) have aches and pains, and act 'old', but that's because they haven't looked after their bodies.

It definitely applies more to the men than the women though - most of the women have looked after their health and fitness better than the men.

Men don't get accused of lacking self-love if they don't have an intensive grooming regime, do they?
Hygiene is linked to depression and mh issues. We were really worried about my db over lockdown, my mum was saying he'd grown a beard and his locks and wasn't washing regularly and he was extra quiet and noisy (he has AS). When the barbers opened he god his hair and locks cut, came home and had a shower and shave and then went out for his first walk. Women just have different routines but it's a similar thing

Hygiene, yes. Of course its a sign of poor mental health when someone doesn't wash, but no one is advocating not washing!

Hygiene is taken as a given.

Women just have different routines but it's a similar thing

No, it absolutely isn't a given that women need to maintain a more intensive grooming routine than men! A woman not using self-tan or putting make-up on does not, in most cases, indicate poor mental health.