To feel like looking 'average' these days is bloody hard work?

[JustGiveMeGin]

Disclaimer: I had a similar thread in style and beauty when I wasn't feeling my best. I have definitely made peace with how I look and this is NOT a woe is me thread 🤣
To even look average I have to dye the greys out of my hair, have my eyelashes and eyebrows tinted (did I mention greys?) Remove hair from underarms, legs, bikini area. Spray tan couple of times a week, moisturise after every shower (daily). Wash, conditon and blow dry hair daily. Anti wrinkle face cream twice daily after cleansing. That's just the basics....I can and do go out without makeup bit I feel better with: cc cream, face powder, bronzer, blusher, eyebrow pencil, mascara and lipstick.
To me I feel like I should look like a fucking goddess after all that effort but sadly I still sit in the firmly average camp!
Does anyone get what I mean or have I finally gone off my rocker for good?

Why does anybody feel sorry for someone who thinks a bit of make up makes enhances ?

I think exactly this. We shouldn’t be feeling sorry for other women doing exactly what they want. THAT is the internalised misogyny.

Don’t wear make up, none of my fucking business and I certainly don’t pity you
Wear make up, lovely, enjoy it, also none of my fucking business and I don’t pity you either.

I wear a full face of make up daily. What of it? I have zero care what other people put on their skin.

That wasn’t what the poster said though. She was saying all women were enhanced by makeup and should make an effort.

I really like makeup and find it fun, but I don’t make out that all women need to wear it or that you look like you have just rolled out of bed if you don’t.

And anyway, I often have just rolled out of bed. So what?

YABU. What are you expecting to happen?

The beauty industry is a complete con. Why are you spray tanning twice a week?! What’s in that stuff? Is it good for your skin?

You don’t need to wash and blow dry hair every day, or do any of the other stuff, frankly.

I’ve given up makeup at 35 and it’s incredibly liberating. Women are so conditioned to feel like failures if we don’t look a certain way - and it’s all bollocks! We spend money we haven’t got on ludicrous procedures and cosmetics.

Ditch it all and say “f**k it”. You’ll be so much happier! I am.

We shouldn’t be feeling sorry for other women doing exactly what they want. THAT is the internalised misogyny.

Hmm. Would most women want to wear make up without the internalised misogyny?

@Lweji

We shouldn’t be feeling sorry for other women doing exactly what they want. THAT is the internalised misogyny.

Hmm. Would most women want to wear make up without the internalised misogyny?

I would. I enjoy it for me! I'm single and no one sees my hairless bits I spend time making hairless but me and I enjoy that. I would still wear make up and tan even if I was on a desert island as I like the way look with it on. It's part of my identity, how I express who I am. I like the asthetic. It's not for men.

I got one of those phillips ipl hair removers from Amazon, and that means body hair doesn’t exist much anymore. Really worth the money!

Why eyebrows tinted AND using eyebrow pencil?!

Washing your hair everyday, to me, is OTT. How could it possibly be necessary?

@wobblywinelover

I don't even bother, life is too short, haven't read the whole thread. As long as I feel okay in myself who cares? Men don't make this effort, don't do it for them. Just make the best moderate effort of what you've been dealt with. It's a slippery slope paying for all these treatments etc are you going to do it when you're 70? Why bother starting now lol

So what if men don't do it, why does it have to be about what men do? Women are not men? There is absolutely nothing at all wrong with wearing make up to enhance your face what's the issue? It's no different to wearing a flattering outfit that enhances your figure. It's all perception, no one is wrong. I think life is too short to not look your best at any age and for me that means nice make up, nails, skincare, hair and clothes. I don't feel conned by the beauty industry.

I care about my appearance. But I dont want to use as much time and money as the op has suggested she does.
My impression was that neither does she, but that she thinks it is necessary in order to look even average.
No issue with «beauty routines» but in my view no-one needs a face full of slap to look beautiful. I work as a teacher for older teen-agers, and the time and money they spend to come to school with a face full of theatre paint is astonishing. They think that it is necessary to do in order to look average. Which is fine, we live in a free-ish world. But why is that considered «necessary»? Even to just go out the door?
Who made it so?

I am clean, with the occasional pimple, with hair that does stand on end at least twice a day.
Perhaps that makes me unkempt, certainly not well groomed, but it does not worry me.
I dont think it should worry anyone, because life is short!
That sounds trite, I know.
But my life has had some serious challenges, and that is the side of the fence that I came down on.

So if you want to change your routine to a shorter version it is doable. As others have said; easy does it. Pare it down gradually and find what you are comfortable with.
Maybe flannel and no make-up is not where you will end up 😃 but if your wish is to free up some time and money then small steps is my advice.

Some comments on here are really missing the basic point that we are not the same.

At 30 I rarely moisturised.
Now at 54, I moisturise because otherwise my skin is like sandpaper.

My Mum has pale pale pale blond eyelashes, the few times I've ever seen her without mascara, she looked half dead. She doesn't wear other make up most days, but she does wear mascara and I would to if I were her. But I have dark lashes, so don't need to.

I don't do a lot of what the OP does, but if that makes her feel good, why is it a problem?

I don't wash and style my hair due to the male gaze, I wash and style it because I like to look good for myself. Cannot bear going round with greasy hair. But my hair doesn't need much, because it it thick and not greasy, wash and leave a couple of times a week.

I agree with you that those are the basics, my tan lasts 6 days though and I do it at home, isn't a big job at all.

What you're actually saying is that people should pay attention to the dominant beauty standards that are promoted by an industry that makes millions by making women feel shit, and then decide to spend their time and money addressing something that is only a problem if you sign up to the belief that shallow people think you ought to fix it.

Yes, this really. It's not just the alleged 5 minutes it might apparently take to make me look decent. It's the head space given over to the practice and the idea that I need to identify some flaw or other that requires correcting. I have pale eyelashes and don't wear mascara. If people think I then look dead I suggest they adjust their idea of what dead looks like. I have dark circles under my eyes. I always have had, it's the way my face is. I could spend ages trying to reduce them but I don't.

I take time to exercise, I make sure I eat well and I try to get enough sleep. I make an effort to stay healthy. Of course I could do all that and wear a full face of makeup but I choose not to. If you choose to do so, that's up to you. But the OP and others seem to feel they have to do some things just to look acceptable and normal in some way. You don't, not if you don't want to.

@steppemum, I think the problem the op highlighted was the sheer amount and f time doing this stuff can feel overwhelming just to look average.

I have felt a bit like this. When you believe products make a difference you want to use them but the time it takes all adds up.

What I have started to do, periodically, is review my routines. Question if I still need them or can refine how I do things. In this way I have been able to pare things down. Some looks are just a matter of taste too and we can change our tastes and what we feels suits us. Since I've been running everyday for the last few years my face and body have changed. I feel that I suit a less is more makeup approach as my face and body are more angular - you can actually see some bone structure! No need for contour! Since I don't wear many skimpy clothes, (too much suncream!) don't feel any need for fake tan. Don't need fake tan to make me feel more slender because the running sorted that.

And taste really does account for a lot. NB There are a lot of fashion shoots which include models with unadorned pale eyelashes!

Lots of use on this thread of 'choice' and 'need'.

Nobody 'needs' to do anything about their appearance, other than keep clean out of basic consideration for others and for hygiene reasons. The sky will not fall in if a woman is seen without makeup, or with some of her naturally growing body hair still visible, or with unstraightened hair, or hair or skin of their natural colour.

On the other hand, if people in a position to decide who gets work or promotions expect women to present themselves in a particular way, that's a barrier to employment which men don't face. Sex discrimination, in other words. Outside the entertainment business, is a man going to be refused work because he won't wear make up or blow dry his hair? Is he considered to lack self-respect because he doesn't do these things? And yet over and over again on this and similar threads women say that they 'must' do all these things, and to do otherwise shows you have no self-respect, and this feeds into their judgements about who's good at their job, against all reason and logic.

At this point elaborate and expensive grooming regimes stop becoming a choice for women, and become an expectation. This is a backwards step in my lifetime. When I was a young graduate starting a professional job in the mid 80s, it was not a requirement, formal or informal, for women to wear a full face of make up or high heels, etc etc.

And that's before we get started on the environmental effect of all this, which must be considerable.

With regards to the comments about the money I spend, my face and body moisturizer comes from Aldi, my makeup is mainly Rimmel with a few bits that are unbranded from places like home bargains! I dye my hair with box dye at home.
I have my eyelashes and eyebrows professionally done and the cost of the tan to buy is expensive but it lasts ages because its a large bottle.
All in all the cost doesn't bother me, it was more about the effort
Like I said before, this was meant to be a lighthearted thread but people have jumped in feet first to tell me I lack self esteem, lack personality and must be glowing orange from the tan
To be honest I am quite surprised I haven't been accused of being a terrible mother....think of all that time I haven't spent with the kids when I've been putting makeup on!

@JustGiveMeGin, to be fair in your your opening post you did come across as feeling a bit overwhelmed by your grooming routine just to look 'average'. As if your efforts didn't give you enough reward.

If you're happy continue. If not change things up.

@JustGiveMeGin, were any of the shortcuts I suggested upthread of any use to you?

@shivawn

I agree with you that those are the basics, my tan lasts 6 days though and I do it at home, isn't a big job at all.

Honestly, that list is so far away from being 'the basics' it's insane.

The basics are:

• wash often enough to be clean/not smell
• brush your teeth twice a day
• apply moisturiser/emollient if your skin requires it (e.g. eczema)
• brush/comb your hair with sufficient regularity that it doesn't become a matted, impenetrable mess

That's basic.

This is my regime. Which just typing it out makes me depressed.
Professional manicure and pedicure every two weeks.
Brow and top lip threading every month.
Full Hollywood bikini wax every month.
Micro blading every year to top up
Botox every six months and currently thinking about fillers.
Hair cut and coloured every six months.
After all this. Distinctly average at best. I'm 45 and just look very plain. It makes me feel very anxious at the thought of cutting any of it out.

It makes me feel very anxious at the thought of cutting any of it out.

I just learnt to do some of the stuff you get done professionally, myself. And I'm of the opinion it is not wrinkles which age a person the most. People have certainly treated me like I am younger since I've started running and look much fitter (slimmer, more muscle tone, more flexibility). I no longer get called 'madam'! I am older though with probably a few more wrinkles.

High maintenance or what! No it's it's easy to look average, I shower and go. I don't dye my hair, tiny eyebrows or bother with makeup for work, and nor go 90% of the women I know (late 40's). My one concession is gel nails, love my nails but I didn't have them for over a year due to the pandemic.

It's personal choice but I've never spray tanned in my life, haven't had a wax since covid kicked off, razor comes out every month or so. I'm very much average looking

@CheeseIsATypeOfMeat

Another freckles girl here, mascara is the only thing I sometimes wear, lipstick is pointless due to masking!

@Sparrowsong

At last someone else like me ... over a month since I de fuzzed my legs even, barely can see though. Dp couldn't care less thankfully, he's not keen on makeup either, says it hides my pretty face (he knows what to say!)

I feel you @JustGiveMeGin!

I am heading for 40 sprouting chin hair and greys like your average senior citizen!

I have a cut and colour every five weeks.
Chin, lip and eyebrow wax every four weeks alongside eyelash tint and curl.
Pedicure every four weeks.
Manicure every fortnight.

I blow dry my hair every 2nd day and curl or straighten it the day in between.
Daily make up minimum of light foundation, cream blusher, eyebrows, tinted lip balm and mascara.

I exfoliate three times a week, moisturise daily but don’t fake tan.

Cleanse, moisturise and massage face morning and night.

I look utterly average. Would look shit without!

@JustGiveMeGin

I live in the sw, make up is rarely visibly worn whereas when I lived in the Midlands it was, there's not even a brow bar or tanning salon in my town whereas there were 2 on my little parade up north. Really does vary. It's more hiking boots and jackets around these parts,