To feel like looking 'average' these days is bloody hard work?

[JustGiveMeGin]

Disclaimer: I had a similar thread in style and beauty when I wasn't feeling my best. I have definitely made peace with how I look and this is NOT a woe is me thread 🤣
To even look average I have to dye the greys out of my hair, have my eyelashes and eyebrows tinted (did I mention greys?) Remove hair from underarms, legs, bikini area. Spray tan couple of times a week, moisturise after every shower (daily). Wash, conditon and blow dry hair daily. Anti wrinkle face cream twice daily after cleansing. That's just the basics....I can and do go out without makeup bit I feel better with: cc cream, face powder, bronzer, blusher, eyebrow pencil, mascara and lipstick.
To me I feel like I should look like a fucking goddess after all that effort but sadly I still sit in the firmly average camp!
Does anyone get what I mean or have I finally gone off my rocker for good?

‘But we are capable of looking good whilst we can do so much more. It takes 5 minutes to look decent with practice.’

Well this is obviously ridiculous.

I can’t even shower, brush my teeth and get dressed in five minutes.

@Classicbrunette

No but I would go out with one who didn’t wear a full face of makeup.

You said women look better with makeup, if they don’t wear it they look like they’ve just crawled out of bed, and you think you can only ‘get away with’ that if you are naturally beautiful. Don’t know why you’re now pretending it’s a hygiene issue.

I'm pretty vain and do some of the things you do, OP. I have a good skincare routine and I wear makeup most days. I tint my own eyebrows and have a pedicure once a month. I don't fake tan (used to ages ago but tired of that aesthetic and wow, it involves so much labour) and don't currently dye my hair (although have done in the past). But I'm pretty happy with how I look overall and don't find it hard work.

I bet you look lovely but if you're tired of it all sack it all off for a while. I think you said you live in a Northern town. Is that stereotype about Northern women being more glam true? I feel like self-care regimens are more intense in the North. But I might be wrong!

The poll is about 50 50 so many women must be doing this kind of stuff. I am not really related to any women who do so I don’t know how big the transformation is to judge.

I would assume a lot more about appearance is down to healthy eating, exercise, not drinking much, not smoking, keeping out of the sun, getting enough sleep etc. The grooming probably makes very little difference.

It is possible to change your mind on this, though. Like changing a makeup look or hairstyle pared down makeup or no make up requires an adjustment. Similar to getting a new hairstyle or glasses.

If your lengthy routine is getting you down/becoming unmanageable then experiment with tweaks to pare it down. Take photos and compare to a usual full face. Look for products that do more than one thing.

‘I bet you look lovely but if you're tired of it all sack it all off for a while. I think you said you live in a Northern town. Is that stereotype about Northern women being more glam true? I feel like self-care regimens are more intense in the North. But I might be wrong!’

No, it isn’t. I have lived in various parts of the North and South.

I don’t bother with any of that shit

Shower, soap, shampoo, toothpaste.

I’d look at it in terms of money instead of appearance. I felt quite rich reading your list of products that I don’t buy 😆

Liberty also generally how attractive someone is comes down to their genes. Some people are facially prettier than others, and no amount of make up or cream or timing is going to give you a more cemetrical face.

I do genuinely do think women have been brainwashed through centuries of fads and advertising.

Not to be vein, but since taking a step back from it all, I find more men are interested in me. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Maybe men do like a more natural look.

I don’t spray tan but I do like to look groomed and that means some time on skin products, make-up, styling hair, gel nails, putting outfits together carefully.

I find it quite relaxing though, not under any pressure to do these things.

That does sound like a lot of effort. I don't do anything like that at all. I do have mud facials most days in winter, but as they're applied by horses, I doubt they count. I look alright, when I've washed the mud off at least...

Style can be an art form and a hobby and expression of your personality.

It’s not that time consuming later in life if you’ve thought it through when younger.

Makeup can be really enjoyable too. I haven’t bothered with it during the pandemic as it would all slide off my face with the heat from the mask.

All that is a bit different to having to do a lot of grooming just to look average though.

But we are capable of looking good whilst we can do so much more. It takes 5 minutes to look decent with practice.

@Classicbrunette What are you including in that 5 minutes? face.

Washing goes without saying, we all wash don’t we ? So yes 5 mins is doing whatever needs doing, face or hair whichever part of you that needs most attention.

@bigbaggyeyes

I'm with you op. I sometimes catch myself in a mirror or shop window and think, who the hell is that middle aged (cough, I'm 48) boring looking woman staring at, and then realise it's me!

Same, same age but add chubby and frumpy to the list. I used to turn heads. Fuck knows what happened 😂

to me a perfect face is a natural one, with a healthy glow from being nourished and fit rather than from a tan.

You're basically saying women should be beautiful, but it should be natural. Something even harder to aspire to!
It's a bit like those people who say they like thin women, but not those who avoid big meals.

But that isn't what I said? I said healthy, natural, nourished, and fit. I didn't mention beauty, or say that I thought women should have perfect features. Not once.

It's perfectly possible to be healthy, fit and nourished while not conforming to current standards of beauty. The fact that you think it isn't says a lot about the way you think about this issue.

I think I look average, sometimes even good-ish.

I wear no makeup, my skincare regime is soap, water and whatever face moisturiser was on offer in Tesco.

I don't do fake tan as the few times I've tried it I end up with orange knees and elbows and streaky everything else.

I don't wax anything but do have an electric leg/underarm/bikini trimmer shaver thing which takes 3 minutes a couple of times a week.

I dye my hair about every 6 weeks choosing whatever colour I fancy in that moment.

I buy the foot moisturising plastic booties from pound shop and use them once or twice a week to keep on top of my dry hoofs and sometimes treat myself to a peel off face mask because peeling it off is oh so so satisfying.

I don’t think there is any kind of beauty solution that will change the fact that something has happened to my jaw line in the past five years that has left me looking like David Cameron.

I shower daily but only wash my hair twice a week (curly so it doesn't get greasy)
I always shave my legs, armpits and nether regions
I always moisturise and wear perfume
I wear make up every day, more when on a night out
I dye my hair every 6-8 weeks
I run 3 mornings a week and go to the gym 4 times a week

I'm early 40's and there's no way I'm going grey any time soon or getting fatter just because I'm older!

Exercise isn't grooming though. The primary benefits of exercise are health, strength, mobility, enjoyment, mental health etc. Being fit often means people look well, but that's a side effect rather than the entire purpose (or at least it is for me).

@BertramLacey

all women look better with makeup. And I would go as far to say that those that don’t bother doing anything, it looks like you’ve just crawled out of bed, and I can’t stand that look unless you are naturally very beautiful then you’d probably get away with it.

Whether I look better or not, I still have a PhD. I can still ride a fit hunt horse and lead another alongside, in walk, trot and canter. I can sing in a choir, play musical instruments, write publishable articles. I cannot imagine a group of men having a conversation in which they discuss whether or not they should be spending hours a day on a beauty routine. Yes, sure, men are under some pressure regarding their appearance. But there just is no equivalent to this conversation.

Can you imagine how freeing it would be not to be preoccupied with this stuff all the time? How much time and energy would you have to do other things if this wasn't taking up your head space? My OH's daughter is often distraught because of the way she is judged for her appearance. I spend a lot of time reassuring her that she is so much more than how she looks. Yes, she looks lovely and yes if she wants to she can spend time on hair, makeup and clothes. But she is much, much more than her appearance. We all are.

But no one is saying we are not! Why is it one or the other? What's wrong with being interesting, intellectual, fit etc and caring about your appearance as well? Why does anybody feel sorry for someone who thinks a bit of make up makes enhances ? People have worn make up for centuries.

Washing goes without saying, we all wash don’t we ? So yes 5 mins is doing whatever needs doing, face or hair whichever part of you that needs most attention.

What if there isn't a part of someone that NEEDS the most attention? I don't buy the idea that women's bodies are a list of flaws that need fixing.

What you're actually saying is that people should pay attention to the dominant beauty standards that are promoted by an industry that makes millions by making women feel shit, and then decide to spend their time and money addressing something that is only a problem if you sign up to the belief that shallow people think you ought to fix it.

I'm 55 and it takes alot more than a cold flannel and a tub of oatmeal scrub to make me look and feel confident and together.

I don't even bother, life is too short, haven't read the whole thread. As long as I feel okay in myself who cares? Men don't make this effort, don't do it for them. Just make the best moderate effort of what you've been dealt with. It's a slippery slope paying for all these treatments etc are you going to do it when you're 70? Why bother starting now lol