To feel like looking 'average' these days is bloody hard work?

[JustGiveMeGin]

Disclaimer: I had a similar thread in style and beauty when I wasn't feeling my best. I have definitely made peace with how I look and this is NOT a woe is me thread 🤣
To even look average I have to dye the greys out of my hair, have my eyelashes and eyebrows tinted (did I mention greys?) Remove hair from underarms, legs, bikini area. Spray tan couple of times a week, moisturise after every shower (daily). Wash, conditon and blow dry hair daily. Anti wrinkle face cream twice daily after cleansing. That's just the basics....I can and do go out without makeup bit I feel better with: cc cream, face powder, bronzer, blusher, eyebrow pencil, mascara and lipstick.
To me I feel like I should look like a fucking goddess after all that effort but sadly I still sit in the firmly average camp!
Does anyone get what I mean or have I finally gone off my rocker for good?

Stop doing yourself down. Talking like that makes life harder for all of us.

Be proud of who you are and your healthy body that supports you.

These type of threads always have loads of "I only use a bar of soap on my face" and "never wear make up" style responses but most women I tend to see out and about do wear makeup. I'm from a WC northern town where women are very done up and I live in a posh London suburb where women are also very done up (but differently).

I stopped wearing make up about a year ago though I'd been reducing for longer - it took me a long time to learn my natural face and not see it as unfinished.

But I do spend time on my skincare and it's my favourite evening ritual to relax... So I'm fortunate I don't feel pressure to cover anything.

I think a lot of these replies are disingenous. I remember years ago suffering from hormonal acne, and a friend with crystal clear skin pontificating that she couldn't be bothered with concealer or foundation - well neither would I if I had perfect skin and in fact now that my skin has cleared, I don't need it either.

I feel like you have a couple of 'pain points' - one is your hair (dying, washing, conditioning, daily blow dry) and the other one seems to be keeping your body/ skin presentable. I would suggest you try and streamline these two as far as possible. My hair also looks ridiculous without heat styling. I condition using a deep conditioner and olaplex weekly, so I dont need lots of conditioning daily. I blow dry on the first day, no heat curls second day (google Negin Mersalahi) and dry shampoo on the third if needed, which cuts heat styling time drastically. A keratin treatment might also help. I have thick dark hair and pale skin so I've prioritised buying a Phillips Lumea, which really cuts down on hair removal. I think as with many things, you might need to groom smarter not harder to not feel overwhelmed with grooming tasks.

Your “basics” are more than I did for my wedding! Shower and shave my pits for every day, wash and blow dry hair maybe twice a week and mascara and bronzer for special occasions and that’s about it for me.

I feel your hair pain - mine is long and thick and is an ass to dry - I wash it every 2nd or 3rd day - I love Dream Lengths products - the more than shampoo, Rapid reviver conditioner, wonder water, heat protector and no cut leave in treatment - together my hair looks good - currently using Kérastase Chronologiste shampoo and treatment from hairdresser - I think Dream Lengths is better!

the other stuff I view as self care - I like the bath/ shower routine - body lotions, skin treatment etc - I work out 4-5 days a week and it's the same thing - makes me feel good

I am so pale, I reflect the sun. I don't wear self tan because it always look fake and I just don't want to get into that rigmarole.

I used to wash and blow dry hair every day, since having children I use dry shampoo - honestly it's a game changer. I wash my hair once or twice a week. On the days I don't wash my hair, I wear my hair back.

I used to work in the health & beauty business and you really shouldn't wash your hair everyday, it strips all the good stuff from your hair.

dye the greys out of my hair - once every 6 weeks

have my eyelashes and eyebrows tinted - use mascara and pencil

Remove hair from underarms, legs, - often; bikini area - less often

Spray tan couple of times a week - no

moisturise after every shower (daily) - only if you have REALLY dry skin

Wash, conditon and blow dry hair daily - no, once or twice a week

Anti wrinkle face cream twice daily after cleansing - once a day. Get a great night cream and avoid the sun and stop smoking (if you

cc cream, face powder, bronzer, blusher, eyebrow pencil, mascara and lipstick - ditch the bronzer

Why are you dying your brows and lashes, then using mascara and brow pencil anyway?

If you don't need to wear make up, why do you have a big list of the make up you wear?

Why do you need to tan twice a week?

Why do you need to blow dry your hair every day?

From your list I shower daily and run a razor over my legs and armpits, then moisturise my body and face. Takes less than 10 minutes. I have very oily hair so couldn't wear my hair down the day after washing. So I tie it up. When I wash it, it takes me 15-20 minutes to dry and I have long thick hair, and finish it with an airwrap. I have a fairly heavy skincare regime in the evening, but even that is only 5 minutes! I do a face mask when I'm prepping dinner or doing chores.

You're doing a lot of unnecessary stuff. So if you feel you don't want to spend the time you do doing it, stop!

I think a lot of these replies are disingenous. I remember years ago suffering from hormonal acne, and a friend with crystal clear skin pontificating that she couldn't be bothered with concealer or foundation

I have hormonal acne. I still don't cover it because I don't care what other people think about it

Imo fake tan only really suits those with golden undertones to their skin, whatever their skin colour. I think for people who are pale with cool pink undertones (ie. those for whom it is impossible to naturally tan at all, they just go red in any sun), any fake tan looks awful - just orange/gold tones sitting unnaturally on top of pink .

If you are very pale with cool pink tones (I am - Mac NW 5/10), and feel you look "ghostly", I've found a sheer light pinky blush on the cheeks helps with that and looks far more natural - with the bonus that it takes seconds rather than the 10 mins/several hours (depending on brand) fake tan takes .

But then I am a fan of the "natural/basic" makeup look too - concealer where needed or bb cream, one coat of mascara, brow gel or light brow powder, tinted lipbalm/sheer lippy - can be done in a few minutes (with maybe some clear/light pink nail varnish and neutral eyeshadow if I'm pushing the boat out for a special occasion).

I understand the time wasted spent trying to look well kept - removing visible body hair, cleansing/moisturising daily, light makeup, trying to tame messy/flyaway hair and wanting to tint early/frizzy greys that really stand out - because most women have unfortunately felt the same societal pressure to do that for decades . I really admire those that resist (and I do sometimes, but then you always run into someone you haven't seen for ages!)

However the current trend for long skin care "rituals", full body hair removal, the "must have" fake tan and ages doing the full face of makeup (heavy brows, false/heavy lashes, several layers of base, contouring), long false nails done, hair extensions etc - is it really worth it? Certainly I rarely find the makeup, fake tan or nails looks good, just that the person has spent the time and money to look fake tanned, heavily made up, obvious nails done etc .

@mustlovegin

I admire those who do none of this and are brave enough to go out like Cousin Itt from the Addams Family

Do you not think there's something really messed up about the fact that, in your view, women who don't wear make-up or style their hair must "look like cousin Itt"?

I don’t think these replies are disingenuous.

I spend too much money on dyeing my hair.

But I am not bothering faffing around with trimming pubic hair unless I am on a beach holiday. I don’t see what trimming pubic hair has got to do with looking average as we don’t go around looking at each other’s pubic hair anyway!

You don’t need fake tan to look average in the U.K. and you don’t need to shave your legs unless you are wearing a short skirt with no tights because it is Summer. So that is only for a few months a year and not every day.

I think that’s a crazy regime myself. I get a brow wax once a month and a haircut every four and that’s pretty much it. Yours sounds exhausting. Why bother with a bikini line unless you’re on holiday? Sounds nuts to me.

That’s medical. Completely different
Sorry to argue but actually not, for me both are all about hydration and my doctor said because medication wasn't suitable for me, I basically just had to soldier on but I used normal drugstore moisturisers and skincare and have both under control

I admire those who do none of this and are brave enough to go out like Cousin Itt from the Addams Family

But he defo blows drys!

Oh and by the way I voted YANBU OP - like I said, the only thing I'd question is if you really need the fake tan or just think you do because a lot of other people use it (does the bronzer you are using not do the same thing anyway for the face, and I think paler body skin looks just as nice?).

Also can you not stream line some of the others - epilate once a week /fortnightly or use lumea for body hair, wash hair every other day rather than daily if you have to faff with blow drying, why have your brows and lashes tinted if you are going to colour them anyway with brow makeup and mascara? I'd just pick one not both.

You shouldn’t be washing your hair everyday. And especially using the heat.

Also, why are you tanning multiple times a week?

You’re subscribing to some ridiculous standard that you’ve created for yourself. I’m sure no one else even notices

I don't understand why women feel the need to do these things to please others and to fit in.

Do you all judge other peoples looks when your out and about? Because I don't really look at other people's skin or hair, I might notice if they are wearing something nice/different but other than that I don't really care.

I brush my teeth, bath, wash my hair (sometimes add a styling product to calm it down), moisturise and thats about it.

I don't give a toss about how other people see me, I think I look OK (tidy), I love buying clothes but they are clothes I love and I don't care if others lile them or not, why would I? If someone wants to judge me by what I'm wearing or the fact I'm not wearing make up or fake tan then are probably quite vein judgemental idiots, not my kind of people.

I get the impression you all think I look like something out of TOWIE
I absolutely don't and anyone that knows me would laugh at the thought.
The tan, its quite natural looking, I only ever have a fine mist so I'm not the colour of Gemma Collins!
The makeup I use is fairly neutral I would say, I guess everything I do is just a slightly better version of me.
I notice lip fillers and botox etc keeps being mentioned, I haven't had any but wouldn't rule it out.

@Musmerian

I think that’s a crazy regime myself. I get a brow wax once a month and a haircut every four and that’s pretty much it. Yours sounds exhausting. Why bother with a bikini line unless you’re on holiday? Sounds nuts to me.

Maybe because they might prefer the feel of their bikini line done. I shave everything every day, take me 10 mins in the bath and it's only for me as I cannot stand the feel of hair or stubble. Doesn't make me ridiculous or stupid

[quote Ellpellwood]@Ihavethesamedress Haha, yes, I meant novody ever looks at a woman and thinks she'd look so much better if she was orange-r.[/quote]
They go in for the orange look where I live, no brown just orange taken to the extreme.
Eyebrows, not sure if tatoo but very black, and spidery lashes.
If they are out in their rollers, yes, this happens too, they look quite scary.
My dh calls it the oompah loompah look.

lip fillers and botox etc keeps being mentioned, I haven't had any but wouldn't rule it out.

You should rule them out they look shite.

I admire those who do none of this and are brave enough to go out like Cousin Itt from the Addams Family

Wow.

I assume you live in London and or do a type of job where there is pressure to be 'groomed'?

No one really needs to live like that.

Go spend a week in the Highlands and you won't do any of that!

But it's not your fault that's what our society has become. Too many big businesses making too much money out of making women feel so shit about themselves.

@felulageller

I assume you live in London and or do a type of job where there is pressure to be 'groomed'?

No one really needs to live like that.

Go spend a week in the Highlands and you won't do any of that!

But it's not your fault that's what our society has become. Too many big businesses making too much money out of making women feel so shit about themselves.

So patronising! I worked in yards as a riding instructor and shovelled shit for part of the day as well as numerous other dirty jobs in my role and I still liked to maintain my beauty regime. I'm also educated, not shallow or vain. Why such a stereotypical view?

Well, maybe you could combine some of your routines

the moisturisering with fake tan, gradual fake tan moisturiser.

If you wear mascara you don't need to tint eyelashes

If you wear eyebrow pencil, it goes over greys I have found, you don't need to tint your eyebrows

Have you tried face powder without the cc cream? Most compacts have some colour to them anyway. I found I preferred the look of this at nearly 50. Contrary to what some say I found it was liquid foundation that sat in wrinkles not powder.

Have you tried blusher without the bronzer? You might like the look.