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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think most people don't smack their children

333 replies

sqirrelfriends · 29/06/2021 11:46

So I just read a daily mail article (I know it's trash, please don't judge me) that's saying that experts are calling for smacking to be banned in England.

The comments section really surprised me, I don't know anyone who smacks their kids but it's overflowing with people saying that its the only way to control children and that half the prison population are there because they weren't smacked. Anyone saying that its wrong to physically punish a child is downvoted into oblivion.

Am I wrong to think this should have been illegal a long time ago? It's just seems wrong to be and my understanding was that kids who have been hit are more likely to be violent themselves.

OP posts:
Purplewithred · 29/06/2021 12:57

Only remember being smacked once (would have been the 60s - even then middle class smacking was becoming rare, it was mostly happening in "upper" and "working" classes round my way, and schools (state and private).

I certainly never smacked mine.

DH was routinely smacked, and I know he smacked (now very grown up) DSS (long before I met him). He's seen the error of his ways.

wisteriaandwhine · 29/06/2021 12:58

Child abuse is widespread in this country.

Tossblanket · 29/06/2021 13:00

Nope, I don't and never will.

I'm a police officer that has in the past arrested people for pushing or slapping another. Minor assaults.

Why the fuck would I assault a child I love that's a quarter of my size?

CheeseIsATypeOfMeat · 29/06/2021 13:01

I was smacked as a child but it was mingled in with other abuse too. So all in, it has left a mental scar.

I promised myself when I was 14 and listening to another drunken and violent row between my mum and Step dad that I would never fall in love with a bad man and I would care for my children the wished I was cared for.

So far it's worked!! Smile

It's all about breaking the cycle.

Cam2020 · 29/06/2021 13:06

I don't know anyone who smacks their child. It's just not regarded as acceptable these days. I don't think the people that still smack their children would take any notice of it being 'banned'.

DarceyDashwood · 29/06/2021 13:12

YANBU. My son is 6 and he has never been smacked. I hope he never is. I know everyone has a breaking point but physical violence against children is disgusting and is more to do with parents losing control and their frustration than a means of discipline. It should be illegal. It’s assault.

DrSbaitso · 29/06/2021 13:15

@Threewheeler1

Smacking is abuse. It's an adult losing their shit. When we were kids in the 70s we got smacked a fair bit. I can still remember it. Also had one particular friend who was always being smacked or forced to wash his mouth out with soap, literally. His mum used to terrify all of us, she was so angry all the time.
Yes, I know someone whose mouth was washed out with soap as a child. She's now very distant from her family and struggles to form relationships. And her parents can't figure out what happened...
Cakecrumbsinmybra · 29/06/2021 13:16

I also dont agree that the government has any right to tell me how to discipline my child.

Really? How is this any different to all the other things the government "tells" us. The government tells you it's not ok to hit other people. It also tells you that your child must receive a full time education in school or otherwise; that your child must wear a seatbelt when travelling in a car and that you mustn't smoke when the car with them. Why is the idea of acceptable disciplining different?

cleckheatonwanderer · 29/06/2021 13:16

I genuinely thought it was already banned

Astraturf · 29/06/2021 13:21

My mum used to drag me around by my clothes and hit me. She'd also hit me for things that my brother did. She stopped when I got to her height and I don't have a great relationship with either of them.

I don't hit dd. About 3 years ago I knocked her over to stop her touching the inside of the oven and I still feel bad when I think about it. She cried for ages, I can't imagine hitting her as a punishment and upsetting her like that.

a8mint · 29/06/2021 13:22

I have never smacked my children.
When i was a kid (in my middle class location) smacking t home and at school was normal.
I was smacked at home when i was quite small (under 7 ish) and it was nearly always for being cheeky or disobedient. I can clearly remember one day i opened my mouth to back chat, and the anticipation of a smack made me close it again. So i guess it did work
I was only smacked once at school- in reception class. I drew a little star with my pencil on one of those grey formica tapped tables and teh classroom helper yanked me to my feet with one hand and proper whacked my bum and the back of my bare legs with the other. i was so scared I wet myself!!
I have a warm and loving relationship with my parents but never forgave the TA

peruse · 29/06/2021 13:22

Schools Minister Nick Gibb stated on LBC this morning that he would oppose a ban on smacking as it’s important that “parents are able to bring up their children as they see fit.”

This is the same Schools Minister who famously voted against free school meals, so, erm…

FlorrieLindley · 29/06/2021 13:23

It's illegal in Scotland.

HotGlueGun · 29/06/2021 13:25

Growing up I was smacked by my parents.... mostly my dad either with his hand, slipper or a ruler. My mum once dragged me upstairs by my hair. I was also smacked at school. I grew up with the mantra of "never did me any harm!" but now that I'm a mother myself, I think smacking kids is abhorrent and it's something I would never ever do.

trevthecat · 29/06/2021 13:25

I don't smack. I don't feel it achieves anything. There are better punishments.

EmeraldShamrock · 29/06/2021 13:29

I don't it has been erased from most of my generation.
It is still done in some cultures.
Some of DD's friends from school would be smacked they're 12.
One neighbour will hit around the legs she has 5 boys.
I think it is more common than we think and should be illegal.

IanHBuckells · 29/06/2021 13:31

I have smacked my eldest child (now 13) once in her life and it was a reflection of my anger/frustration - she was around 7. I vowed never to do it again; the look of fear on her face haunts me and makes me feel sick. I've never smacked the youngest and never will.

We wouldn't smack our partners so smacking children should be even more lambasted.

zingally · 29/06/2021 13:31

I'd personally think the opposite...

I'm a primary school teacher, and have been for 13 years. And from speaking to kids, and things they say off the cuff, in an average class I'd reckon maybe 75-80% of them have been smacked at some point. This ranges from "leafy middle class professional villages" to "inner city".

ellenpartridge · 29/06/2021 13:33

I was smacked as a child and think it's completely absolutely wrong. I've discussed this with my parents as an adult and they say it never did us kids any harm etc... I've told them straight that yes it bloody did.

Brian9600 · 29/06/2021 13:33

The comments section on the Times website was the same. I assume they're largely a generation older than ours, when smacking was more normal. I also think those comment sections tend to attract people with extreme views.

EmeraldShamrock · 29/06/2021 13:35

I wish. I'm a few years younger than you and it was very commonplace in our circles in the 80s and 90s, even the kids would say it was a good thing.
Yep I was born 1980 we were smacked by DF. Occasionally by DM.

WeatherSystems · 29/06/2021 13:36

The Daily Mail comments section is absolutely going to be full of people saying that smacking is fine and desirable. What else would you expect?

Having worked in prisons, I promise you the majority of people in there were subject to being smacked and much worse.

My mother was born in the fifties but was very, very anti-smacking, out of step with her generation and social group. She never smacked us. I will never smack my DC, ever. The thought is beyond abhorrent to be honest, it genuinely sickens me for so many reasons. For a grown adult to use physical force towards a child is nothing short of abuse, and the way it's dressed up as discipline and something helpful to the child is nothing short of gaslighting. I couldn't even snap or shout at my toddler, the thought is so alien. I would genuinely believe I'd failed as a parent on every level if it got to that.

It's like when people say 'I was smacked and I turned out fine' no, you grew up to be an adult who thought smacking was acceptable.

Yes, it should be illegal.

lovelybitofsquirrell · 29/06/2021 13:36

Personally detest smacking. I was never smacked as child and would never lay my hands on mine.

I have only one friend who openly admits to smacking. Her reasoning is she doesn't smack hard enough to leave a mark and a tap instilled the right amount of fear and respect.

user1473450164 · 29/06/2021 13:38

I'm in my 40's and I was certainly smacked as a child. The only thing I remember is the smacking, not why I was smacked. I have never smacked my kids, I know a mixed bag of parents, most have not, and I believe them. A few I know probably do but I hope not regularly.
It's certainly more prevalent in certain cultures and is still accepted. My husband is Asian, he smacked our daughter once when she was much younger and has not done it again as he got quite an enormous mouthful from me. But I still think underneath it all, he thinks it's acceptable as do many people from his culture.

WeatherSystems · 29/06/2021 13:38

@DarceyDashwood

YANBU. My son is 6 and he has never been smacked. I hope he never is. I know everyone has a breaking point but physical violence against children is disgusting and is more to do with parents losing control and their frustration than a means of discipline. It should be illegal. It’s assault.
Exactly, it's assault.

Makes me wonder where the law is on this actually, does anyone know? If I hit my own child, it's legal. What about if I hit someone else's child? Is hitting my child legal because he's my child, or because he is A child?

When I make myself imagine the look on the face of my toddler if I ever broke his trust in me as his mother to love and protect him and hit him it honestly breaks my heart. It completely breaks my heart.

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