Aibu to think most people don't smack their children

[sqirrelfriends]

So I just read a daily mail article (I know it's trash, please don't judge me) that's saying that experts are calling for smacking to be banned in England.

The comments section really surprised me, I don't know anyone who smacks their kids but it's overflowing with people saying that its the only way to control children and that half the prison population are there because they weren't smacked. Anyone saying that its wrong to physically punish a child is downvoted into oblivion.

Am I wrong to think this should have been illegal a long time ago? It's just seems wrong to be and my understanding was that kids who have been hit are more likely to be violent themselves.

Hmm most people I know irl do. Maybe it’s most wont admit it? So you are never going to get a accurate answer as I don’t think those that do would openly admit it.

I've got my hard hat on

YANBU but YABU to read the daily mail comments section. It’s always full of trolls and crazy people, definitely not representative of the general population.

And it’s the same when anyone shares anything about teens misbehaving on my local Facebook page everyone saying they need a good smack etc

I strongly suspect that the vast majority of people in prison were exposed to a fair bit of abuse as children, including physical.

@MyFloorIsLava

I strongly suspect that the vast majority of people in prison were exposed to a fair bit of abuse as children, including physical.

That was my thought. How can we teach our children to be kind by showing them violence?

Smacking has been pretty rare in most countries for quite a long time.

People who smack should be kept away from children - no excuses. Abuse literally damages how the brain develops and you can't smack and not be abusive as either you have anger control issues or you are a cold calculating child beater planning punishments.

Never ever. I don't believe any of my friends smack their children either and I would probably not want to remain friends with them if they did.

I'm early 40s and was never smacked as a child - I think this was fairly unusual back then?

@MyFloorIsLava

I strongly suspect that the vast majority of people in prison were exposed to a fair bit of abuse as children, including physical.
^^^
First thing I though of.
If smacking work you wouldn't have to do it more than once...,
Never smacked my son and he's a modal citizen - mid twenties.

The idea that smacking someone teaches them respect is so crazy. They're mixing up respect with resent/fear/hate. Smacking is what people do when they've lost control and have no idea how to get it back.

Never smacked a child.
Don't understand how you can teach with violence and fear.
It's sheer inadequacy.
People who don't have the tools to parent properly resort to smacking.

This is a tricky one, it's not ok to admit to smacking now so people don't admit it.
If your social group doesn't 'do' smacking then it seems rare, if your social group does smacking then it seems normal and never the twain shall meet.
I wouldn't agree that it is rare by any stretch of the imagination, that's just not true.

Most people I know have at some point.

@lilmishap

This is a tricky one, it's not ok to admit to smacking now so people don't admit it. If your social group doesn't 'do' smacking then it seems rare, if your social group does smacking then it seems normal and never the twain shall meet. I wouldn't agree that it is rare by any stretch of the imagination, that's just not true.

A friend 'admitted' she would smack her child when we were both pregnant at the same time.

I was horrified and told her so.

I don't but almost every parent I've known does. A patent hit their child in the swimming pool changing rooms once and I had no idea what to do and my child was really upset seeing it. I find it disgusting personally, I wouldn't allow any one to hit me so why would I do that to my child. I know they push your patience but really...

Horrified is a common reaction which is why people don't admit it. It doesn't mean it's gone anywhere.

I was smacked as a child. I remember been in so much pain from it, having bruises, and feeling so unloved and hating my “d” m for allowing my step dad to do it to me.

In 22 years of been a mother myself I have never ever smacked my dc. None of my dc have the mental health issues I have ( touch wood)
If I made my dc feel how I felt I’d feel such a failure as a mother.

IMO it should be banned. It’s abuse and does more harm than good.

@PumpkinKlNG

Hmm most people I know irl do. Maybe it’s most wont admit it? So you are never going to get a accurate answer as I don’t think those that do would openly admit it.

Which is exactly why it should be banned. If it was an OK thing to do why wouldn't people be proud to admit it?

Never hit mine, I wouldn't hit an adult so certainly wouldn't be hitting someone that much smaller and more vulnerable than me

Everyone I know that smacks is very open about it, but I mean people on here won’t admit it, I was laughed at by family for saying I wouldn’t hit mine.

I just don't understand it, if I couldn't resolve something with an adult I wouldn't whack them one, so why do it to children? The ugly truth no doubt is because they are smaller and weaker than you, which makes you a bully, not a parent.

I'm 32 and I remember getting a smack on the bum when I was younger (single digits age) for misbehaving or doing something I shouldn't - honestly can't remember what that might've been. It hasn't scarred me in the slightest, but I knew where I stood. I wouldn't dream of hurting anyone else on purpose, let alone a child. My parents got the belt when they were in school I believe (born in 1948 and 1955) and my DH sometimes got the belt (born in 1971) from his dad (my MIL didn't approve of this though).
I like to think that a firm tone of voice, clearly set boundaries and consequences for bad behaviour (i.e. toys taken away, no screen time for a set time etc...) should be enough to get your child to behave without having to raise a hand to them.

I'm scottish and I know that smacking is now illegal in Scotland (the law was passed quite recently I believe).

And there’s a mum at my kids school that’s always threatening her kids with a smack

I do think you can't ever really tell from your friendship group because it's mostly likely you will gravitate to people with similar perspectives. I don't, never have smacked DC. None of the mums I spend time with have , to my knowledge obviously but in general everyone seems to just think its a bit ignorant really. It's not that everyone I know is up in arms as such but more a quizzical eyebrow raise that its been proven over and over that it doesn't do any good and causes damage to the DC.

It's generally seen as something that people do when they are struggling and losing control so the only time I've seen it at the school gates there seemed to be more of a view of sympathy to both child and mother. A general perspective that she must be struggling.

However I've worked in Social Care a long time and of course have come across groups where it's considered normal. So of you ask both groups they will have very different views of whether it is widespread.

I wonder if most of those commenting on the Daily Mail are the generation of people who were parenting in the 70s and 80s. Times have changed and I don't think that society now accepts it as it did then.
That not to say it doesn't happen but certainly not the norm as it perhaps was.

Smacking is awful. I have never smacked my dc and they are nice, well behaved kids - it really isn’t that difficult to raise dc without resorting to violence.