Aibu to think most people don't smack their children

[sqirrelfriends]

So I just read a daily mail article (I know it's trash, please don't judge me) that's saying that experts are calling for smacking to be banned in England.

The comments section really surprised me, I don't know anyone who smacks their kids but it's overflowing with people saying that its the only way to control children and that half the prison population are there because they weren't smacked. Anyone saying that its wrong to physically punish a child is downvoted into oblivion.

Am I wrong to think this should have been illegal a long time ago? It's just seems wrong to be and my understanding was that kids who have been hit are more likely to be violent themselves.

I have never smacked and never would . When I lived in north London none of the mums smacked ( or would admit to it). Now I live rurally every single one of my mummy friends smacks. Exactly the same demographic economically . I wonder if the North London mummies were all lying? I also dont agree that the government has any right to tell me how to discipline my child. Smacking is an unenlightened practice that will fade out within this generation. Its doesn't need to be legislated against.

I was hit as a child and it made me adamant that I would not hit my children. Or use language that aims to minimise it, such as tap, lightly whatever. If you hit your kids at least call it what it is.

I witnessed someone at a toddler group once - one of the actual organisers - charge over to their child, smack them really hard on the arm, and shout 'We DO NOT hit!' How can a child learn not to hit, by being hit??

I never went back to that group, I felt so uncomfortable seeing it.

@christdoinghisunspecifiedhobby

Never ever. I don't believe any of my friends smack their children either and I would probably not want to remain friends with them if they did.

I'm early 40s and was never smacked as a child - I think this was fairly unusual back then?

I wish. I'm a few years younger than you and it was very commonplace in our circles in the 80s and 90s, even the kids would say it was a good thing. It came up on discussion programmes from time to time but I seem to recall the consensus was always that it was fine, desirable even, and it wasn't really a serious discussion that might go either way.

I am incredibly damaged, both by my parents' inability to control themselves in anger and their insistence that it made them great parents.

Anyone who thinks it keeps kids out of prison or whatever, what bollocks. Those people usually come from violent homes. It is a terrible parenting choice at best, using pain, fear, humiliation and intimidation as communication and usually just a result of the parent's lack of control.

If your child is too young to understand why what they're doing is wrong, they're too young to understand why you're hitting them for it.

I have never done it, I never will and my daughter is happy and well behaved. I have no respect for smackers.

@Yepyes same! I got sick of my mum hitting me and also condoning my Dad's violence. As soon as I got big enough when she slapped me across the face I slapped her back and asked how she liked it. She never touched me again.

Sorry, @christdoinghisunspecifiedhobby, I misread. Yes, I do think that was unusual but I'm glad your parents were cleverer, more thoughtful, more caring and more controlled than so many others.

I absolutely hate smacking. I was “smacked” with a belt, a slipper whatever was handy to my dad for such silly little things. Always because he had lost his temper. I’m just about to start some psychotherapy to help me deal with the aftermath of my childhood.

I was smacked all the time as a child. I absolutely do not smack my own children.

[quote Defaultuser]@Yepyes same! I got sick of my mum hitting me and also condoning my Dad's violence. As soon as I got big enough when she slapped me across the face I slapped her back and asked how she liked it. She never touched me again.[/quote]
Yep, my father's hitting escalated as I got older too (grown man on a teenage girl) and didn't stop until I was finally tall enough to threaten him back. The day I told him that if he touched me again I would fucking smack him right back was the day he suddenly learned, after 18 years, to control himself...which until then he had claimed to be incapable of doing.

I got the slipper a few times as a kid...mostly when I tried to set fire to stuff.

I genuinely thought it was already illegal. Don't think I run in smacking circles, used the naughty step/clear boundaries for mine. Another who got the odd smack in anger/frustration as a child (only from mum, dad would just shout occasionally). Kid down the road used to get whacked with a wooden spoon

I don't know anyone nowadays who smacks their dc, i would say its very unusual these days. However i was smacked as a child and i don't resent it, and never considered it violence. I think there are degrees of everything and i wouldn't condemn any parent for occasionally giving their child a light tap on the bum, as i wouldn't condemn them for shouting occasionally, we are all human and we make mistakes.

@theliverpoolone

I witnessed someone at a toddler group once - one of the actual organisers - charge over to their child, smack them really hard on the arm, and shout 'We DO NOT hit!' How can a child learn not to hit, by being hit??

I never went back to that group, I felt so uncomfortable seeing it.

I suppose you could argue that if a child is deliberately hurting somebody else, doing the same back to them is an effective way to teach them that what they’re doing hurts and if they don’t like it, they shouldn’t do it to others. I can sort of see the point of it that situation, less so where people smack for running in the road / bolting / other bad behaviour where there’s no link. Thoroughly glad though to be childfree and not have to worry about this nonsense.

Often women with physically abusive father end up in relationships with physically abusive men, who themselves have been physically abused as children.
The chain needs to be broken
And reading a lot of these posts it is being.

I got the odd smack as a child and I dont think it did any lasting damage to me. Having said that times have changed, I wouldnt smack DD

I think lots of people who advocate smacking of children no longer have children young enough to smack. I remember delivering safeguarding training at school. I'd say the ones saying "I got smacked, it never did me harm" were ones who's kids were probably having their own kids and NOT smacking them

One teacher at our school used to threaten to paddle us with a wooden thing he had hung up on the wall. It was illegal in schools but he thought the threat was appropriate.

He was the most hated teacher in school.

He got attacked and strangled one day while out and about

I was smacked sometimes as a child but I remember more as a verbal threat, ‘you’ll get a smack bottom if...’ I didn’t have a particular stance on smacking my own children, but just never have, it would feel wrong and they’d be horrified as we’ve taught them always to have kind hands, feet, words etc!

Smacking is abuse.
It's an adult losing their shit.
When we were kids in the 70s we got smacked a fair bit. I can still remember it.
Also had one particular friend who was always being smacked or forced to wash his mouth out with soap, literally. His mum used to terrify all of us, she was so angry all the time.

It was illegal in 53 countries in 2018. I think more have been added now. France? Scotland? We are lagging behind.

Sweden (1979)
Finland (1983)
Norway (1987)
Austria (1989)
Cyprus (1994)
Denmark (1997)
Latvia (1998)
Croatia (1999)
Bulgaria (2000)
Israel (2000)
Germany (2000)
Turkmenistan (2002)
Iceland (2003)
Ukraine (2004)
Romania (2004)
Hungary (2005)
Greece (2006)
Netherlands (2007)
New Zealand (2007)
Portugal (2007)
Uruguay (2007)
Venezuela (2007)
Spain (2007)
Togo (2007)
Costa Rica (2008)
Moldova (2008)
Luxembourg (2008)
Liechtenstein (2008)
Poland (2010)
Tunisia (2010)
Kenya (2010)
Congo (2010)
Albania (2010)
South Sudan (2011)
Macedonia (2013)
Honduras (2013)
Malta (2014)
Brazil (2014)
Bolivia (2014)
Cape Verde (2014)
Argentina (2014
San Marino (2014)
Estonia (2014)
Nicaragua (2014)
Andorra (2015)
Benin (2015)
Ireland (2015)
Peru (2015)
Mongolia (2016)
Paraguay (2016)
Slovenia (2016)
Lithuania (2017)
Montenegro (2017)

DH thought he would be smacking DC until I put him straight.
His mum loved smacking him and his brother for any small reason, usually with a slipper or a belt. DH tried to argue it made him well behaved until I pointed out it didn’t work on his DB at all, he literally never did as he was told, smacks or not.
DB didn’t smack his kids but he was incredibly rough with his son, he never touched his daughter but he constantly shoved his son around. He said he needed to ‘toughen him up’. It was horrible to see.

Against in the law in Scotland. Will be against the law in Wales in 2022.

Long overdue and I'm surprised that England aren't in step with 2 countries it shares the union with. Hopefully NI will follow suit too.

Violence begets violence and should never be seen as a solution to anything.

I strongly suspect that the vast majority of people in prison were exposed to a fair bit of abuse as children, including physical.

This was my first thought too.

I don’t know anyone in rl who hits their child. Not of my generation (I’m 40s). Older people who smacked their children of my generation obviously.

I thought it was already illegal to smack children! I don't know of any parents that smack their kids (openly at least!) I don't think.

People who advocate it want to do it because it’s easy. Proper boundaries, consequences etc are difficult as they involve holding the line and being clear, firm and fair. But of course that’s what works!