To miss our child’s year 6 leavers ceremony?

[Waitinginmycar]

Due to an unfixable scheduling clash my husband can’t attend our daughter’s year 6 leavers ceremony, as he has a work event (he just started a new job, which was absolutely essential after having been made redundant just before covid started in 2020, we have had an awful 16 months!)

I have to look after our two younger ones as siblings aren’t included this year due to covid regulations. I can’t find anyone to help us on the day, I’ve tried everything.

As this is our first child to leave primary school, can you please tell me how big of a deal this ceremony is? Feeling absolutely clueless as we are expats. Will it be awful for DD not to have us there? Is it better if she doesn’t attend? We are thinking we might keep her home.

What would you do?

YABU - she will be fine without family at the event
YANBU - she is better of not attending

Thank you!

There must surely be a parent in one of your other children's classes who will take one or both of the children for an hour or so after school? Do they really all have other commitments/year 6s of their own?

Are any other parents in the same position? Can you persuade a TA (say) to provide an after school creche for a handful of children?

Don’t know why some are so dismissive of this. Our primary do a lovely well judged assembly for parents very positive and inclusive not schmultzy or only celebrating the popular ones at all. They also did a play they worked on the last few weeks. Dd2 and her peers had none of this last year 🙁. I think leaving primary is a milestone. All the kids have changed massively since last summer. They are young teens now - this is the end of that phase of childhood.

@MrsFin

You can't get a random person to pick up a 9 year old and 5 year old from school and take them back to your house. Even if they're Mary bloody Poppins

Well you can. But I would meet them first and get them to meet the DCs also. And I'd get a reference from a teacher or Guide Leader or someone.
You might find a really reliable baby sitter you'll use for years, or the kids might trash the house if s/he watches TV while they "play".

But it's only a couple of hours.

Yes you can. But it's a huge time commitment and if the OP works, a lot of time off to arrange one off childcare.

I am glad you have decided to go. It does matter. I still remember my end of primary leavers assembly (and I’ve turned 50 now!). And my daughters (aged 20 and 16) recall theirs in great detail. Best of luck.

I was the only child in the class without any family at my leaver's assembly 12 years ago, my twin brother was at a different primary and they were on the same date and my parents couldn't make it to both. It definitely hasn't traumatised me for life but I remember it being very tough, everyone was crying and being hugged by their mum and dad and I was just standing on my own. It's quite a big thing for little kids and it's always difficult being the only one alone in a crowd.

As we were always working we were never able to attend anything for our children that was held during the day, including GCSE and A level ceremonies, not everyone can be there, we never had Year 6 Leavers ceremonies then either. We managed to get to Graduations though it wasn't popular to ask for the day off!

@thewisestfallobscenely

I was the only child in the class without any family at my leaver's assembly 12 years ago, my twin brother was at a different primary and they were on the same date and my parents couldn't make it to both. It definitely hasn't traumatised me for life but I remember it being very tough, everyone was crying and being hugged by their mum and dad and I was just standing on my own. It's quite a big thing for little kids and it's always difficult being the only one alone in a crowd.

That’s tough! How come you were at different schools and couldn’t have a parent there each?

I am lucky as I wfh so totally flexible, never missed a thing. But I was mum-by-proxy many times for parents who couldn’t attend. I treated them the same as my own kids with hugs and praise and photos. I’ve picked poorly or injured ones up from school before now and even went on a hellish school trip with a class that wasn’t my kids because the parent couldn’t go last minute and the child was distraught. They’re teenagers now and a couple still call me “second mum”

Second mum? It sounds like you don't know how to maintain appropriate boundaries.

@3scape

Second mum? It sounds like you don't know how to maintain appropriate boundaries.

Haha. Their choice not mine and tongue in cheek! If the parents asked I was happy to be there. Better than leaving a bewildered child to be the only one without support.

Get a babysitter, my mum missed mine and I'm still a bit sad about it.

We live in a different country to DD's dad and I told him he had to come to her Exhibition, the end of PYP in the IB system and he did.
I asked her if she remembered him coming and she said yes but only because of photos. She asked me if he came to any of her dance performances, which he did but she didn't remember.

The importance of the ceremony will vary by school and your DD's reaction will depend on her.

I didn’t make it to either of my children’s as I was teaching.
It would be nice for her if you were there but don’t keep her away from it.

I missed the very last pick up (there were banners/balloons and all children out to do a special walk out in front of family).
I asked another Mum to send me a couple of photos.
I think it feels important for a second but they are soon onto the next thing. Definitely don’t keep her off.

I really think you've made the right decision to do everything you can to go. Heavens, if you lived near me, I'd volunteer to look after your younger ones!