Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To miss our child’s year 6 leavers ceremony?

139 replies

Waitinginmycar · 28/06/2021 16:25

Due to an unfixable scheduling clash my husband can’t attend our daughter’s year 6 leavers ceremony, as he has a work event (he just started a new job, which was absolutely essential after having been made redundant just before covid started in 2020, we have had an awful 16 months!)

I have to look after our two younger ones as siblings aren’t included this year due to covid regulations. I can’t find anyone to help us on the day, I’ve tried everything.

As this is our first child to leave primary school, can you please tell me how big of a deal this ceremony is? Feeling absolutely clueless as we are expats. Will it be awful for DD not to have us there? Is it better if she doesn’t attend? We are thinking we might keep her home.

What would you do?

YABU - she will be fine without family at the event
YANBU - she is better of not attending

Thank you!

OP posts:
toocold54 · 28/06/2021 19:00

Does she have a grandparent who can attend instead?

As a single working parent I have had to miss plenty of things and my DD hasn’t had anyone there so it can’t always be helped. But this is quite a big event and her memory of this will last a long time. Sometimes they can get quite upset so having a familiar face would be nice.
Worst comes to worst could you hire a babysitter or childminder for an hour.

Lampzade · 28/06/2021 19:02

It definitely is a big deal.

Needsleep32 · 28/06/2021 19:05

My parents couldn’t come to mine due to work and I still remember how upset I was not having them there. Sorry, not what you want to hear I’m sure!

gingganggooleywotsit · 28/06/2021 19:07

It’s not something I would miss. The kids get very emotional in my experience and could do with you there. Hire a babysitter just this once.

Lampzade · 28/06/2021 19:10

Op, I would urge you to go. If there was one school event that I think is vital to attend is the Year 6 Leavers assembly . Even parents/ guardians who I had never actually seen before attended the Leavers assembly.

saraclara · 28/06/2021 19:11

I wish I could say otherwise for you, OP. But she is likely to be the only one there without a parent or relative there for her.

I can only suggest paying for care. Presumably it won't be for long. Do you have a community FB or Next Door group, where you could ask for recommendations? And yes, someone supervising them at the park might be a good option too. A reliable teen would happily do that for a bit of pocket money I reckon. And it would be less of a risk for anyone.

FinallyHere · 28/06/2021 19:14

My parents were abroad (from the UK) when I was growing up. Lots of parents did high drama about being away and missing things. I'm sooo glad that my mother taught us by example to take these things in our stride

Let her go, ask her how it went. Maybe make a bit of a fuss at supper as you might for a birthday but otherwise, teach her resilience by demonstrating resilience.

She will be very grateful as she gets older. All the best

paniniswapx3 · 28/06/2021 19:14

When is it? All mine have been during the school day, so surprised your other DCs aren't actually in school when it happens.

Could you go and take your other children with you but stand at the back away from everyone else with your DCs?

The school and other parents might not be happy but if it's your only option and you're out of the way of everyone else, then I'd do it as it really is something you don't want to miss if you can help it.

underneaththeash · 28/06/2021 19:21

Pay for a babysitter OP.

She can't miss her Year 6 leavers ceremony.

DappledThings · 28/06/2021 19:27

It’s not something I would miss. The kids get very emotional in my experience and could do with you there
Sounds totally self-perpetuating. If there wasn't such a fuss made in the first place there wouldn't be children getting unnecessarily upset. It is very odd how everything gets turned into a huge rite of passage these days.

HappyMeal654 · 28/06/2021 19:31

It's a big deal but if there's noone to watch the others there's nothing you can do. Alot of people don't get that some people genuinely have nobody to help out, and also don't want to leave their children with an unknown babysitter because firstly, you and the kids don't know them, and secondly, the kids aren't used to being left with anyone other than a parent because there's noone around to help!

HappyMeal654 · 28/06/2021 19:34

I'd still send her though and as others have said, see if you can stand at the back or in a doorway or something with your others and make a big fuss at home, special tea or something

3totheright4totheleft · 28/06/2021 19:43

I don't really get it - is the ceremony in the evening? Otherwise wouldn't your other children be at school?
My suggestion is ask one of the other parents if they will look out for her/give a big cheer when it's her turn.
All of my DD's Y6 celebrations were cancelled last year. It was very sad, but they do get over it - and it's our job to help them see that it's not the end of the world.

Original poster
Waitinginmycar · 28/06/2021 19:53

@Dishwashersaurous

Are you sure that its not during normal school hours as they normally are
No it’s after school hours, due to covid they say
OP posts:
Original poster
Waitinginmycar · 28/06/2021 19:55

@cupsofcoffee

Re getting friends to help out, everyone is so worried about covid and cases going up, nobody wants to take my children for the day as the risk just isn’t worth it if someone tests positive. People have travel plans and other events and I fully understand

Why can't you pay for childcare?

My parents pretty much never attended this stuff and it does stick in my mind. I hated being the only one who never had any support at these things.

I wish I could pay for childcare. It’s been an awful year for us and we can’t easily make this a priority - sitters don’t want to do just two hours, they want at least three to make it worth their while. Sadly we don’t have family here.

This is really why I came on here. If this risks traumatising or seriously disappointing DD we have to find a way to make this work.

OP posts:
Original poster
Waitinginmycar · 28/06/2021 19:56

@CaramelFlat

Has she been there since reception, or are you more recent expats? Some schools do a lot of reminiscing, showing videos and photos going all the way back to Reception to show how everyone's changed etc ,and I can see that a new joiner from year 5 or 6 might feel a bit left out.

Otherwise, I'd try to find someone from the younger children's classes that they could perhaps play with for an evening (is it really an evening thing?) given that they're already in a bubble, or ask for older siblings to babysit , or hire a professional sitter for a couple of hours.

Afternoon, just after school
OP posts:
Garraty47 · 28/06/2021 19:57

Did this only become a thing in the last few years? Or are posters in the US?

I've never heard of anyone I know having one or going to one!

Angel2702 · 28/06/2021 19:58

Could you not ask on the school Facebook group if there’s any parents maybe from another year that could help out? It wouldn’t be for very long. Would school allow a few PTA parents to supervise any siblings in the playground?

Cattitudes · 28/06/2021 20:00

You could ask in the class if any older siblings would be able to babysit. There are lots of yr11 and yr13 children floating around without much to do at the moment.

Soontobe60 · 28/06/2021 20:00

Many schools I know of are not having a leavers service (we don’t generally call it a ‘ceremony’ here) with parents present. Our school is doing it virtually, it’s being filmed and all parents will be sent a copy of the event.

ineedaholidaynow · 28/06/2021 20:01

How long is the ceremony? Could another parent from your younger children’s class take them to the park so not too risky from COVID point of view

dancemom · 28/06/2021 20:02

Another parent may not want them in their home but could they stay in the playground with them after school while the event is on, can't imagine it would be more than an hour

CtrlU · 28/06/2021 20:03

Maybe explain it to the school...I’m sure they would be able to make some exception in this circumstance.

Explain your husband can’t make it, you can’t afford a babysitter and you have nobody to watch the children.

I’m sure there’s something that can be done if this is a momentary moment for your daughter and you clearly don’t want to miss it.

Dishwashersaurous · 28/06/2021 20:06

Surely most parents will have the same problem if its after school. Ask the school what's the plan for siblings? Surely they can sit in the library.

Dishwashersaurous · 28/06/2021 20:07

The school may well move it and hour earlier if most parents can't go because of siblings