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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To miss our child’s year 6 leavers ceremony?

139 replies

Waitinginmycar · 28/06/2021 16:25

Due to an unfixable scheduling clash my husband can’t attend our daughter’s year 6 leavers ceremony, as he has a work event (he just started a new job, which was absolutely essential after having been made redundant just before covid started in 2020, we have had an awful 16 months!)

I have to look after our two younger ones as siblings aren’t included this year due to covid regulations. I can’t find anyone to help us on the day, I’ve tried everything.

As this is our first child to leave primary school, can you please tell me how big of a deal this ceremony is? Feeling absolutely clueless as we are expats. Will it be awful for DD not to have us there? Is it better if she doesn’t attend? We are thinking we might keep her home.

What would you do?

YABU - she will be fine without family at the event
YANBU - she is better of not attending

Thank you!

OP posts:
LadyJaye · 28/06/2021 20:09

Schools shouldn't be doing this, it's utter nonsense and just puts pressure on working parents and/or those in caring roles.

My friend got an invite to her four-year-old's 'graduation'. Insane.

Sixth year or university is fine, everything else is just a money/guit-making exercise.

PiccalilliChilli · 28/06/2021 20:11

I'd send a grandparent/aunt/unless instead, or gave a relative watch your children whilst you go.

My DD left Y6 three years ago. It was vital she attended, because she had a chance to say goodbye to some classmates and teachers and other staff she was very fond of. She was only taking three friends to her new school. It's like, finishing one chapter to start a new one. Closure, if you like. She has to go.

ineedaholidaynow · 28/06/2021 20:11

@Dishwashersaurous I'm assuming siblings can't all go in the library as they will be mixing bubbles.

I wonder if they holding it later so teachers can attend without other classes being in the hall

LaLaLand888 · 28/06/2021 20:12

Honestly, my parents were hard working people who just couldn't make it to some things because schools sometimes decided to do these types of things at stupid hours. It was explained to me at the time, I was aware money is hard to get and they had to work hard and that was it. Whatever small disappointment I felt at the time, it soon went away. I was not traumatised. Your child will be fine.

And if school are not allowing siblings, you'll find that many other parents will have to make a similar decision.

cafedesreves · 28/06/2021 20:16

Can you use Bubble (childcare app)? This will be a massive deal for an 11-year-old.

Clymene · 28/06/2021 20:20

There will be loads of parents who can't go because of childcare issues or because they're working.

There is so much ridiculous melodrama about leaving primary school. It's a silly ceremony which celebrates the most popular/sporty/clever children in my experience. It's a bit shit for all the rest of them who are in the role of supporting cast as usual. I wouldn't give it the time of day personally.

Original poster
Waitinginmycar · 28/06/2021 20:22

@Dishwashersaurous

The school may well move it and hour earlier if most parents can't go because of siblings
Yes, I’m sure I’m not the only one. I also wonder what the odds are that it will actually go ahead, with weekly covid testing and cases on the rise, the risk thag someone tests positive within the next weeks is definitely not zero

Either way I think it’s great that the school is actually organising this, as so many things have been cancelled, or have had to go ahead without parents watching (sports events, school shows etc).

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 28/06/2021 20:22

I honestly think that if its after school then the vast majority of parents won't be able to go because they will have siblings to look after.

So she can go but she won't be the only one without a parent there

SecretKeeper1 · 28/06/2021 20:23

Your daughter is old enough to understand the situation - have you asked her what she thinks you should do?

mumofthree22 · 28/06/2021 20:23

From having been through it with 2 teenagers and my 3rd having her leavers/ awards assembly next week- id definitely say it's an event that is always very well attended (I don't remember ever being to a leavers do and a child not having a family member present). It's a lovely experience and one they and yourself remember for a very long time. I would on this occasion splash on a babysitter just to attend.

ineedaholidaynow · 28/06/2021 20:24

Our local schools are still holding sports day etc but have just announced parents won't now be able to attend due to the rise in cases. One local Primary school has had to close

Peanutbuttercupisyum · 28/06/2021 20:25

You must be able to find a babysitter!!! Look on fb? You should try and go

MsFogi · 28/06/2021 20:26

I missed DD1's years ago - I still regret it. Do everything you can to make it OP!!!

MsTSwift · 28/06/2021 20:29

Can’t vote as you need to go as does she! You can’t keep her off. Can you not pay a young adult or sensible teen to babysit for 2 hours? It won’t be a long thing

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 28/06/2021 20:30

Sorry it's a massive deal and you need to be there. Hire a baby sitter. She will be one of the only ones without a parent. My 12 yr old DD had nothing last year. Literally nothing. I could have cried. You NEED to go.

Dishwashersaurous · 28/06/2021 20:32

But if its straight after school you won't be able to use a babysitter as you won't have time to get home and back to school.

This is why the timing is so silly and why loads of people will be in the same situation.

I really would ask school what you are supposed to do with siblings.

Original poster
Waitinginmycar · 28/06/2021 20:34

Thank you everyone for taking the time to weigh in, hugely appreciate all your perspectives.

I agree with those who say it’s not the end of the world if we don’t attend, and that children are more resilient than we give them credit for. On balance it seems that most people think we should definitely go, so we have decided to make it happen somehow. Time to reinstall Bubble, haven’t used it since 2019…

OP posts:
MrsFin · 28/06/2021 20:35

There must be a neighbour, or local teenager or someone who can have your children for a couple of hours!

They aren't exactly babies, and will entertain themselves for a few hours.

Try your local 6th form, Guide unit, neighbours, parents of DDs classmates who might have a parent at home with siblings. There are loads of options to explore. Have you asked on your local FB group? Lots of teenagers might welcome a couple of hours pocket money.

Rainallnight · 28/06/2021 20:35

Can you definitely not scrape together the money for a babysitter, even if it means putting one or two things on a credit card that week?

I know what it’s like to be utterly without childcare and support, unfortunately, but sometimes you have to find a way when the chips are down.

Clymene · 28/06/2021 20:38

You can't get a random person to pick up a 9 year old and 5 year old from school and take them back to your house. Even if they're Mary bloody Poppins Hmm

There will be many many parents who can't get there if they can't get childcare and/or get time off work. Honestly. Because the vast majority of women can't take time out from work to attend a silly ceremony after school AND find childcare.

So I don't think this event will be very well attended at all.

ineedaholidaynow · 28/06/2021 20:39

@Waitinginmycar I would contact school, and see if other parents are having similar issues

Lalliella · 28/06/2021 20:46

She has to be there. She simply can’t miss it. It’s too special an occasion. It would be a shame if you’re not there, but not the end of the world I think. But far better if you can get a babysitter.

Maryann1975 · 28/06/2021 20:57

Of all the things that didn’t happen when dd left primary last year, this was the one thing I was sad about. They didn’t do The leavers show the last week of term. The other two were fantastic, they did a performance, then had a video of photos from the year group all the way through school and then a presentation. It was lovely and even though with ds I didn’t really have any friends among his peers parents, it was still nice to chat and reminisce before they all separated off to their new schools and classes.
Try asking around for a teenager to babysit. It’s the kind of thing my dd would do for a couple of hours after school.

MrsFin · 28/06/2021 21:01

You can't get a random person to pick up a 9 year old and 5 year old from school and take them back to your house. Even if they're Mary bloody Poppins

Well you can. But I would meet them first and get them to meet the DCs also. And I'd get a reference from a teacher or Guide Leader or someone.
You might find a really reliable baby sitter you'll use for years, or the kids might trash the house if s/he watches TV while they "play".

But it's only a couple of hours.

Sally872 · 28/06/2021 21:08

What a shame. It is important to go but if every avenue is exhausted then concentrate on what you can do. Favourite dinner and a cake or something after.

I would contact school because at 9 and 5 they don't need much supervision they may allow them to play in playground while you attend.