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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To miss our child’s year 6 leavers ceremony?

139 replies

Waitinginmycar · 28/06/2021 16:25

Due to an unfixable scheduling clash my husband can’t attend our daughter’s year 6 leavers ceremony, as he has a work event (he just started a new job, which was absolutely essential after having been made redundant just before covid started in 2020, we have had an awful 16 months!)

I have to look after our two younger ones as siblings aren’t included this year due to covid regulations. I can’t find anyone to help us on the day, I’ve tried everything.

As this is our first child to leave primary school, can you please tell me how big of a deal this ceremony is? Feeling absolutely clueless as we are expats. Will it be awful for DD not to have us there? Is it better if she doesn’t attend? We are thinking we might keep her home.

What would you do?

YABU - she will be fine without family at the event
YANBU - she is better of not attending

Thank you!

OP posts:

AnathemaPulsifer · 28/06/2021 17:34

Post on a local parent group. You’ll easily find an A-level or uni student who’s finished for the summer who could look after your little ones. Or book a qualified adult via sitters.co.uk- it’s worth it for this important day for your year 6.

motogogo · 28/06/2021 17:34

Mine are university age should add. Only thing I attended was dd2's leavers ball but that was private, state schools do nothing (Midlands)

AgnesXNitt · 28/06/2021 17:37

She will be fine. If you've exhausted all options for childcare then it's just one of those things, keeping a roof over her head and food in her stomach have to be the priority. Let her go, ask another parent to take photos, give her a hug and explain that you tried everything but couldn't make it and then take her and her siblings for ice cream. As a child there were many things my Mum couldn't make it to - I never held it against her, I knew that I was loved no matter what.

ShinyGreenElephant · 28/06/2021 17:38

I taught y6 for years, I've never known anyone not have a parent there and I feel it would be very upsetting for her. Even worse if she was kept home, that would be an awful thing to do. You need to find a sitter or your husband needs to phone in sick

lalafafa · 28/06/2021 17:40

I took 2 of dd's friends with us to their leaving do, parents were working. Can you ask another parent to take her?

Thegreymethod · 28/06/2021 17:40

I really feel for the OP here she said in her post she doesn't have any one to have the younger children and that she's tried everything so why do people keep asking her if she has other family that could step in?!?!
OP you should let her go, its a shame you can't go but it's not the end of the world and you won't be the only one, I think picking her up from school on her last day will make up for it I'm sure! My daughter leaves this time and we haven't been told anything yet so not sure we're even having one!

CaptainMyCaptain · 28/06/2021 17:41

@motogogo

Mine are university age should add. Only thing I attended was dd2's leavers ball but that was private, state schools do nothing (Midlands)

Also Midlands, Yr 6 leavers' assembly has been a thing here for at least the 30 years I was teaching here and before that it was a thing in London.

UserAtLarge · 28/06/2021 17:42

I agree with most. If you only attend one event at primary school it should be this one. Many parents take time off work to attend (I get that OP's DH can't). Its format varies by school but is generally a celebration of their time at the school/leaving ceremony. I would find someone to mind your DC or pay for a sitter tbh. Maybe try contacting the school and see if they have a suggestion if you hvae genuinely exhausted every single avenue. And if you absolutely can't, DD should absolutely still go - not fair to make her miss it.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 28/06/2021 17:48

I’d pay for a sitter too. It’s not her fault there are younger siblings and she won’t get to do this again.

Most schools aren’t allowing parents to attend events due to covid so I’m surprised it’s going ahead.

ineedaholidaynow · 28/06/2021 17:50

How young are the siblings?

Maddermax · 28/06/2021 17:51

She should definitely go. It is a big deal at our school anyway. It gives closure. It is a celebration of the class and each pupil in the class and the friendships that have been made. It is a final good bye.
I do think you should go if you can. Could you ask a friend to look after your younger children or a local childminder?

Notwavingbutdrowing3 · 28/06/2021 17:52

I have 3DCs and our year 6 leavers do at our primary school, was not a big deal
It was singing and concerts - no different to those is gone to before except not much role for everyone- and a disco in the evening on the same week. Parents don't go to the disco, although i often helped out as a parent supervisor.

So it was never a big deal for our school whether parents attended or not and my DCs weren't keen that mum attended (I attended very parent evening concert show and class assembly and missed one child's year 6 due to ill health) except DCs were keen to have their shirts signed by classmates and favourite teachers in last day and to go to the disco. (Mine we're prefects too) . We had a year 6 leavers concert at local cathedral during the day ... even my DCs thought it was a snore,
I attended every other event. The school plays etc seemed more important to my DCs.

Maybe ask your child ?

Because it sounds like year 6 leavers event is different for different schools and areas.

cupsofcoffee · 28/06/2021 17:52

She should definitely go, and so should you if at all possible.

Get a sitter for the younger DC.

Notwavingbutdrowing3 · 28/06/2021 17:56

Just to say, for my youngest DD I was one of at least 7 parents in a class of 30 that didn't attend (I was just out of hospital) the leavers do/ concert

I am now wondering what other schools do for year 6 leavers events as ours weren't that exciting. The school summer after and gym displays, plays and concerts , well that was different, would have gotten in massive side-eye trouble for not going to those 🤣

Notwavingbutdrowing3 · 28/06/2021 17:58

*the school summer fayre (sorry not school summary after)

TheSmallAssassin · 28/06/2021 18:01

I think the worst possible outcome is that she doesn't go at all - it's quite a thing to have a send off with your friends and teachers. Obviously it would be perfect if you could be there, but don't make her miss out on everything if you can't, this is for her as well as you.

The most important opinion is your daughter's though, what does she think?

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 28/06/2021 18:02

she should absolutely attend, even if you can't go.

it's their saying goodbye and very important to them.
in similar situations we asked a good friend's parent to root for ours, make eye contact, wave to them etc. on our behalf.
we discussed all of this beforehand instead of just not turning up - kids can be very understanding, they are likely to feel more upset for you being sad about not being able to go than being sad you won't be there.

whatever you do don't make her miss it.

Original poster

Waitinginmycar · 28/06/2021 18:02

@AgnesXNitt

yes I feel the same way towards my mother, she always 100% tried and that’s what matters

OP posts:

Original poster

Waitinginmycar · 28/06/2021 18:05

@ineedaholidaynow

How young are the siblings?

9 and 5. We don’t live far from school but still can’t leave them unattended sadly.

Re getting friends to help out, everyone is so worried about covid and cases going up, nobody wants to take my children for the day as the risk just isn’t worth it if someone tests positive. People have travel plans and other events and I fully understand

OP posts:

MMAMPWGHAP · 28/06/2021 18:05

Unfortunately the schools and a significant number of parents big this up far too much. Their job should be to smooth the transition not to make it into such a major event. Their attitude doesn’t help people who just can’t be there.
Feeling very sorry for you OP. You really won’t miss that much but everyone will make out that you have.

Howmanysleepsnow · 28/06/2021 18:05

Definitely let her go and say goodbye to her friends/ school.

LaLaLand888 · 28/06/2021 18:10

Hire a babysitter?

missingeu · 28/06/2021 18:16

I accidentily missed my son's leaver assembley due to stupidily writing the wrong time. I even took time off work which was impossible..turned up in a rush after it had finsihed. I walked into everyone leaving and everyone seeing me arrive a late and my son laughing.

5 years later and he still laughs about it.

If you're tried every possible avenue, don't beat yourself up, explain situation and ask for lots off photos and make a speical dinner. Let her form teacher know the situation so they are prepared.

KindnessCrusader · 28/06/2021 18:17

Huge deal at our school with a rolling digital display of pictures of the pupils through the years, prizes for every pupil, thank you presents for PTA and teachers and a 'When I Grow Up' from Matilda performance designed to make the parents cry

22Giraffes · 28/06/2021 18:19

Could you ask other class parents what their plans are with younger siblings? Do your your younger children attend the same school? I wonder if there was enough demand for it that the school might consider a creche type thing? Sorry you are in this difficult position

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