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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To miss our child’s year 6 leavers ceremony?

139 replies

Waitinginmycar · 28/06/2021 16:25

Due to an unfixable scheduling clash my husband can’t attend our daughter’s year 6 leavers ceremony, as he has a work event (he just started a new job, which was absolutely essential after having been made redundant just before covid started in 2020, we have had an awful 16 months!)

I have to look after our two younger ones as siblings aren’t included this year due to covid regulations. I can’t find anyone to help us on the day, I’ve tried everything.

As this is our first child to leave primary school, can you please tell me how big of a deal this ceremony is? Feeling absolutely clueless as we are expats. Will it be awful for DD not to have us there? Is it better if she doesn’t attend? We are thinking we might keep her home.

What would you do?

YABU - she will be fine without family at the event
YANBU - she is better of not attending

Thank you!

OP posts:
victorioussponges · 28/06/2021 18:19

Unfortunately I think this is the kind of thing that can stay with kids. My DH still remembers that his (generally very supportive) parents didn't come to his sports matches at school and he was the only one in that position. He is the oldest of three, like your DD, and he often thinks of it in the context of them receiving different levels of support from their parents.

On this occasion I would try to get a babysitter (as I note you say all of your friends are busy). Worst case scenario your DD is not that bothered and you've spent some money but I think you can live with that!

duckme · 28/06/2021 18:21

Obviously I don't know what happens in all schools, but my children's school and the school I work at have always made such a big deal of the leavers assemblies. I would really encourage you to try to get there. Have you spoken with the school?

DappledThings · 28/06/2021 18:21

@KindnessCrusader

Huge deal at our school with a rolling digital display of pictures of the pupils through the years, prizes for every pupil, thank you presents for PTA and teachers and a 'When I Grow Up' from Matilda performance designed to make the parents cry Grin
That sounds dreadful
Comedycook · 28/06/2021 18:25

Your dd should go but I don't think it's the end of the world if you can't.

Flowerlane · 28/06/2021 18:28

Sorry to say it but it is a huge dealSad

Is it not during school time? Ours is during school hours as are most of them, so will a 9 and 5 year old not be at school?

What about a neighbour or pay for a babysitter?

Dishwashersaurous · 28/06/2021 18:30

Are the other children not at the same school?

Couldn't you arrange playmates with another parent for the hour of the assembly?

Alternatively ask if they could sit in the library or similar. Its normally that they don't want little children there making a noise

MadeinBelfast · 28/06/2021 18:33

Do any of the classmates have older brothers and sisters? If they can't come to the ceremony they might be prepared to babysit for some cash!

Sixgeese · 28/06/2021 18:33

My DCs primary school did an invitation only awards assembly at the end of Y6, for the first 2 I wasn't invited as mine hadn't got any awards. Then last year my youngest got the top science award but I couldn't go as no parents allowed due to covid.

But once a year throughout Primary school each class did a bit assembly to show the parents what they learnt and each time I took video and pictures for parents who couldn't come. I knew in advance, the child knew I was there in part for them, I clapped and cheered for them and saved and sent the images to their parents.

Sometimes you just can't go no matter how much you want to be there either due to work or family responsibilities. In your situation I would talk to another parent you are friends with and ask them to be there for your child too, in the meantime you can still look for a way to get there, you won't be the only parent in this situation.

RaindropsOnRosie · 28/06/2021 18:34

It really isn't a big deal, by september none of the kids will remember it and if they do, they won't be remembering their family in the audience. Do a little celebration when she gets home and that's all she needs. Anyone who thinks it is a big deal is being ridiculous- a slideshow, some chatting and a song or two isn't huge to the kids or adults.

Comedycook · 28/06/2021 18:35

I agree it's not a big deal...pretty sure my ds barely remembers it

Dishwashersaurous · 28/06/2021 18:39

Are you sure that its not during normal school hours as they normally are

MadMadMadamMim · 28/06/2021 18:41

I taught y6 for years, I've never known anyone not have a parent there and I feel it would be very upsetting for her.

Seriously? You taught somewhere unusual then.

Presumably you missed your own children's sports days, leavers days and exciting school time events? Every teacher I know did.

AbsolutelyPatsy · 28/06/2021 18:42

is anyone you know videoing? if that is allowed?

cupsofcoffee · 28/06/2021 18:48

Re getting friends to help out, everyone is so worried about covid and cases going up, nobody wants to take my children for the day as the risk just isn’t worth it if someone tests positive. People have travel plans and other events and I fully understand

Why can't you pay for childcare?

My parents pretty much never attended this stuff and it does stick in my mind. I hated being the only one who never had any support at these things.

looptheloopinahulahoop · 28/06/2021 18:48

I am pretty sure neither of us went to ds' Y6 leavers assembly because we were working. I don't think ds noticed or cared. Can't understand everyone saying it's a huge deal. Maybe it depends on the school.

Shinyflecks · 28/06/2021 18:48

Tell her teacher/and the head. Take the younger siblings. You can’t miss it, no. And I would say she can’t either.

CaramelFlat · 28/06/2021 18:50

Has she been there since reception, or are you more recent expats? Some schools do a lot of reminiscing, showing videos and photos going all the way back to Reception to show how everyone's changed etc ,and I can see that a new joiner from year 5 or 6 might feel a bit left out.

Otherwise, I'd try to find someone from the younger children's classes that they could perhaps play with for an evening (is it really an evening thing?) given that they're already in a bubble, or ask for older siblings to babysit , or hire a professional sitter for a couple of hours.

ProcrastinationStation3 · 28/06/2021 18:51

Honestly I think parents being there is a bigger deal to parents than it is to the kids themselves. The parents see it as a big deal because they see it as a big transition. The kids see it as another assembly with a few more awards/ whatever you particular school does. She should go so she can say goodbye to her friends/ get to participate in whatever they do. But it's not a big deal if you aren't there. Ask one of her friends parents if they can look out for her if you're worried about it, but just explain to her why you can't be there - you probably won't be the only one given the ban on younger sibs.

Lindy2 · 28/06/2021 18:51

Most parents went to our Year 6 leaving assembly but not everyone had a parent there. Younger siblings were allowed then (pre Covid) which made things easier.

Your child should definitely go , even if you can't.

If you can you should go even if that means paying for childcare. Advertise on childcare.co.uk or sitters.co.uk

These are sites used by registered and checked childcare professionals. You may even have a nanny agency that could provide a nanny for a few hours.

It surely can't take more than a couple of hours so even paid for childcare wouldn't cost a massive amount.

AbsolutelyPatsy · 28/06/2021 18:51

i think you will mind more than your dd

ineedaholidaynow · 28/06/2021 18:52

Ours was during normal school hours as the rest of the school attended too, with just the Y6 parents sitting at the back. All the child got a little award, they got to wear their leavers' hoodies, they all talked about some memories (some of which the HT was not too impressed about!). They also sang a song. Ours is quite a small school, so seemed very personal.

I think it is one of those events that a parent will try to get to, so more noticeable if you don't have a parent there.

Your DD might not mind, but might be nice to have a friend's mum be her 'special person' for the day, if you can't make it. I used to do that for friends if they couldn't make school events.

TwitchyLittleFerret · 28/06/2021 18:58

@motogogo

Mine are university age should add. Only thing I attended was dd2's leavers ball but that was private, state schools do nothing (Midlands)
Was definitely a thing in the Midlands at my (state) school and the local ones friends went to, at least it was in 2000 and had been for a while before then. Incidentally both my parents didn't come. I was pretty gutted and quite a bit tearful actually.

Forgave them a few years ago...

cupsofcoffee · 28/06/2021 18:58

@looptheloopinahulahoop

I am pretty sure neither of us went to ds' Y6 leavers assembly because we were working. I don't think ds noticed or cared. Can't understand everyone saying it's a huge deal. Maybe it depends on the school.
I suspect it's more dependent on the demographics.

I was in a class with lots of SAHP's or grandparents who always attended - my parents were the only ones who rarely attended things. But some kids are in classes where less than 50% of parents regularly attend - so they don't stand out when their parents aren't there either.

Sunnysausage · 28/06/2021 18:58

Try www.sitters.co.uk

Micemakingclothes · 28/06/2021 18:58

We always avoided unknown sitters for those ages, but for this I would make an exception. I would start asking around for a recommendation and if that fails get on care.com, but I would not miss this. It’s a short daytime event. You could even arrange for a sitter to watch the kids at a nearby park if being in public would make the situation more comfortable.

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