If you’re thinking of having a baby - don’t

[Usergenerated186]

Or do. But be aware it may ruin your life.

I love my son more than anything in the world, but I regret having a baby so much. It has absolutely destroyed my physical and mental health, and it’s impossible for me to envisage a time where I will ever be happy again.

I used to be a vibrant, interesting, fun person with a great family life and hobbies, purpose and fulfilment. I’m now a shell of my former self, my world is so, so small.

If I could hit a button and go back to a time before my son existed, without remembering him or knowing he existed, I would do it without hesitation. I regret having a baby so much and I wish with all my heart and soul I hadn’t done it.

[quote Usual2usual]**@user9086336* To this day my natural reaction when someone has had a baby is not to be joyous but to be worried and hope they're ok*

I thought I was the only one that thinks this![/quote]
Nope, same here, sometimes finding it harder to show real excitement when someone's around me is expecting... For a second there I feel happy for them of course, but then I think of the I've been trough, and mentally wish them it will be easier for them... while keep the happy smile of course, so totally not the only one:)

I haven't read the full thread but wanted to post.

Your baby is so young still. It's so so so hard. And your baby doesn't have a proper developed personality yet. So you're life is fucked up and you've not really had anything to benefit from it - just give give give.

As your child grows it will become easier. You will fall in love with their personality so much more xx

Both of mine slept with us for a long time. I'm glad we did and we all slept well.

i totally get where you're coming from.
i got into volunteering and it was a bloody godsend. (even though i had to pay a childminder whilst i volunteered but i needed to be me for a few hours a week) that saved me.
plus has anyone had a conversation with you starting with them saying "what happened to you?" (that's a shortened version of it).
best of luck. dm me if that's easier. i get it. a ton of people here get it. it's difficult and soul destroying at times. then they get older and help you log on to wifi, so there are some upsides.

Mothers of lock down babies deserve a medal. It’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do anyway, never mind not being able to socialise and have some respite. PND too - wow! I’m so proud of you as it’s hell.
Please ask for more help. I promise you will get through this- I did x

Oh my lovely, you are not alone. The first year is so, so hard. Xxx

As for breastfeeding guilt. I felt it too and managed only a few weeks. I remember crying and my mum seeing me and she said, as plain as day, “we didn’t breastfeed you kids at all in the 70s and you’re alright”. She was absolutely correct. Bottle feeding started to change everything for me. I went back to work at 5 months fir three days a week and two days parental leave. My world improved massively. You will do this x

Sertraline can make you feel ill/odd for up to 3 weeks but worth it in the end.

@cleowasmycat

Sertraline can make you feel ill/odd for up to 3 weeks but worth it in the end.

Not for everyone.

Anti depressants don't solve the underlying issues at the end of the day.

Great if they work for you, I've taken them, but they're not for everyone and they often come at a price.

I’m six years in with my youngest and I don’t feel any better than when she was born.
No advice, but you’re not alone. I’d never have had dc if I’d known how awful it was.

@cleowasmycat agreed. It knocked me for six the first week though. Horrible.

also, this thread has been picked up by the daily Mail.

Completely wrong that they have literally copy and pasted much of the information to a news article and it has attracted over 2k comments there.

Anyway - my point was, is motherhood really this bad? There appear to be quite a bit of regret on this thread and it's quite worrying.

If it is so bad then OP really I do hope you seek help and find peace with your situation.

I have taken sertraline and it was amazing. Came off only due to TTC bit after birth I am happy and ready to go back on them.

@Flexibleowl I'm sorry to hear how you feel. Do you mind me asking what is it about her/the experience that fills you with regret? Sorry to get personal but these threads are helpful

I just find the lack of space and time to myself is an absolute killer. The worry about them is immense. I can never again be totally relaxed, I basically look after myself three times over now. I find it relentless hard work and it makes me very anxious. Youngest dc doesn’t sleep much, up at 6am and doesn’t go to sleep until 9.30pm, it’s just how she is but it is exhausting. I’d love a couple of days off just to breathe but it’s impossible so life has become one long endless hassle with no respite. I hate that I am responsible for someone else’s well-being and happiness. I hate that I have to try and solve all the problems.

@Flexibleowl have you had any support with your anxiety? I don't think anyone is totally responsible for their children's happiness and well-being. Obviously we do what we can to make them feel loved and to make sure they have what they need. But they can't be happy all the time and that's putting so much pressure on yourself to be a 'perfect' parent, which is not possible or even desirable. We all have to learn how to self-soothe, deal with problems ourselves, entertain ourselves etc. Getting some mental health support may help you enjoy parenthood more .

This post speaks to me on so many levels. I've got a 4 month old and some days I really resent him which I know sounds awful but I just want my old life back! I'm in my 30s and this is my first baby. Don't get me wrong I'm loving time off work and I don't know if it feels harder because I had a good busy life before having my baby who was planned but i just feel so trapped and lonely. He's a pretty good sleeper but the past few nights he's woken up a lot so that hasn't helped how I'm feeling atm. He's also a very hard baby. He constantly wants attention or to be picked up and all I want is an hour to myself to do something normal like housework or just to eat in peace. He naps for about 20 minutes 3x a day so I barely get anything done. My partner works long shifts and even though my baby is now bottle fed from being exclusively breastfed I'm still doing every single feed even whilst my partner is off. I do love him but i didn't realise being a mum would be so hard and i never in a million years thought I'd feel like this which I do feel guilty about. As soon as he starts crying I roll my eyes and count down to bed time every day. I know i probably need to seek some help but I'm 4 months down the line and feel so embarrassed and ashamed I feel like this. I also think the Drs will wonder why it's taken so long to get help. Thanks for reading.

@LLaaaaaaals
Please do seek help, untreated PND will have longterm impacts on both you and DC.

pandasfoundation.org.uk/

@LLaaaaaaals

This post speaks to me on so many levels. I've got a 4 month old and some days I really resent him which I know sounds awful but I just want my old life back! I'm in my 30s and this is my first baby. Don't get me wrong I'm loving time off work and I don't know if it feels harder because I had a good busy life before having my baby who was planned but i just feel so trapped and lonely. He's a pretty good sleeper but the past few nights he's woken up a lot so that hasn't helped how I'm feeling atm. He's also a very hard baby. He constantly wants attention or to be picked up and all I want is an hour to myself to do something normal like housework or just to eat in peace. He naps for about 20 minutes 3x a day so I barely get anything done. My partner works long shifts and even though my baby is now bottle fed from being exclusively breastfed I'm still doing every single feed even whilst my partner is off. I do love him but i didn't realise being a mum would be so hard and i never in a million years thought I'd feel like this which I do feel guilty about. As soon as he starts crying I roll my eyes and count down to bed time every day. I know i probably need to seek some help but I'm 4 months down the line and feel so embarrassed and ashamed I feel like this. I also think the Drs will wonder why it's taken so long to get help. Thanks for reading.

You don't need to feel embarrassed or ashamed, you need some support. It's not easy doing it all by yourself and everyone needs a break at times. I don't understand why your partner can't help when he's around though. If he gets a break, why don't you? Looking after a young baby is as stressful as working and we all need time to ourselves.

Also, do you have any family or friends that could help. My baby rearing days are long gone but I'd definitely help anyone who was struggling to give them some free time.

LLaaaaaaaals 18 years ago I felt exactly like that. Exactly. Get back to work. I went back pt at four and five months each time and it absolutely saved me.
I wasn't depressed. Just needed some return to normality.
If your partner isn't keen on that then maybe he can take a turn at staying home.

@Mistyplanet you are the epitome of idiot with your post in this thread. Can you not read the room, at all?! Or can you not see past your own experiences and judge others for not finding it as easy and ‘natural’ or feeling as ‘blessed’ as you? What a dope.

You have post natal depression. Seek help. Now.

Are you getting proper care and aftercare for your birth injuries? Dont let them fob you off, complain if you have to. And counselling could help as well.

'It is not normal and it’s not healthy for either the child or the parent.'

It is totally normal and healthy! What's not healthy is refusing to give them a cuddle at night time when they're only little babies.

Actually @AliceAbsolum if done safely and crucially if the mother is bf (not drinking/smoker) it is hugely healthy , long term emotionally for the child , its very natural. Can't think of any other mammals that would sleep separately from their babies. Obvs if this is making sleep way worse for a parent and child then it isn't the answer but if it helps get more sleep for both and they are breastfeeding why not?
I slept with all three of my babies up to around 9 months then they moved into cots , no problem. Two of them had loads of issues with sleep (severe reflux) however that cosleeping did not solve all so I agree it doesn't work for everyone but they wouldn't sleep anywhere so cot /bed etc nothing worked except time.
I think having a strong attachment at the start is massively beneficial to a child and will stand to then their whole lives but absolutely it should not be at the detriment of the mother.
My dh would get up with them when sleep got really bad and we'd take it in turns so we got to sleep.