I created an account just to respond you you OP
You are not alone. You have had a baby at such a terrible time in the world where you have had to be at home with your baby for huge amounts of time and not had the benefit of baby clubs. By LO is nearly 4, and I don't think that I could have gone through that early stage now.
I didn't love my Son for the first year or so, I went through the motions, I struggled with the lack of self identity that comes with new motherhood, I missed my job and the personal impact I had in it. My LO had silent reflux (that we did'nt know about for a long time) so my days were filled with sleepiness nights, never being able to put my little one down and endless breastfeeding. I felt touched out.
Of course it was interspersed with joy, but not sleeping is a killer. So is the majority of your social interaction being a baby.
The other mums that I was seeing seemed to be more into their babies than me. No one talked about the brutality of motherhood. I had what I now recognise as PND. no one, not even health visitors brought it up with me. Called it what it was, suggested ways to help me, let me know that what I was feeling was normal and would get better. I was going through the motions, I was taking care of my baby, I was even enjoying aspects of it. But it was definitely PND.
As my little one got older things changed. One day I realised that I did love him. His growing independence expanded my freedom. We now spend our weekends going on walks and visiting places, its fun to see his interactions and engagement. We play lots of lego. As he becomes more of a developed person I find things much easier. But I am also looking forward to when he starts school and I get a day to myself (I only work 4 days a week). When he was at an age where we were able to send him to my parents for a few days to have a break it was a revelation. I have decided that I don't want another child, and that's ok.
Things do get easier as they get older. I promise that they do. You will find ways of being able to bring back the parts of your "old life" that make you you. Life does change with a child, but it does become a growth rather than an obliteration (like it is in the beginning).
Don't be afraid of needing help, of not enjoying it. It may not be everyone's experience, but it is normal.
It may be worth asking your doctor to refer you for therapy. Having a space where you can talk openly and unjudged is essential to mental health. Don't be afraid of medication, any mental health medication can take a few goes to find the right drug/ dose. Don't be afraid of talking to the people around you, openly, about how you are feeling. Go out to baby clubs and grow your mum network, if nothing else getting out of the house breaks up the day.