Blocked her on what’s app

[musthavebeenlove]

My DD lives on the other side of the world.
We have a difficult relationship and I think she’s solely to blame for this because she’s so difficult! Today I noticed that I couldn’t see her profile photo on what’s app any longer, I sent her a message about this but she was probably asleep as it was 4 in the morning where she lives, so when she didn’t respond after 5 minutes, I asked someone that said she must have deleted me as a contact, so I sent her ‘I have been told that you deleted me as s contact’ then I blocked her because I was upset/ wanted to teach her a lesson. She will see this when she wakes up but be unable to respond!

Was I BU?

This is a reverse

I am confused by what you mean a reverse ?

Are you the daughter and your mum has deleted you ? She is the one who is the issue in the relationship.

With what’s app I don’t think you can delete someone as a “ friend “
I think the only way to do it is block them which means you wouldn’t have been able to message her ?

I might be wrong

What?

You didn't give a response within 5 minutes at 4am so they blocked you? Probably for the best

I have just checked my what’s app and I don’t have option of removing anyone as friend just blocking them ?
Maybe unblock her as I think you have jumped to conclusions.

If you couldn't see her photo maybe it was she who blocked you OP?

Yes the daughter is me.

My mum blocked me because I have removed my profile photo. She first sent me a message asking my why she couldn’t see it anymore and if I did this on purpose . This was when I was fast asleep at 4 in the morning. About 7 minutes later there was another message from her saying she had asked someone and this person had said I had probably removed her as a contact from my phone list .
I saw the messages when I woke up, tried to send her a message to explain it has nothing to do with her and tried to call her but as it appears, she has blocked me, as she has done already many times in the past. Usually to show me that she was upset with me over some reason.

And no I had not blocked her, otherwise I could obviously not receive her angry messages about why she could not see my profile picture anymore.

I had deleted my profile photo as I’m job hunting, my phone number is on my cv so I might be added as a what’s app contact by recruiters that save my number in their phone. My old what’s app profile photo wasn’t really a professional one. I don’t have any recent ones that’s not a photo with DS or DH/ a holiday photo or selfie so I decided to delete my profile photo and ask DH to make a new one in a nice shirt/neutral make up in front of a white wall etc. when he comes home from work and use that one.

She's obviously the one BU and I would guess also the one usually being difficult. I would just wait for her to unblock me as she probably would, and explain calmly that it had nothing to do with her.

It must be tiring dealing with her. Just try to ignore and not let her upset you and focus on your job search and your life.

Enjoy your new less toxic life

It must be incredibly tiring having to deal with your mum's neurotic messaging /blocking. Such passive/aggressive relationships continuing to the other side of the world - onthe marvel of the Internet and the sense of entitlement it bestows on people. Enjoy your peace during block down & save energy for her inevitable return!

@araiwa

Enjoy your new less toxic life

I’m afraid that in a few days she’ll send me one of her long emails with a very dramatic timeline description / analysis of our difficult relationship or she’ll send me a message to say she wants to go no contact with me. I know I shouldn’t let this affect me to much but it hurts.

I’ve gone LC with her in the past months as she’s still my mum but I’m considering NC now. Part of the reasons why I’m hesitant to go NC because she’s also DS’s grandmother and I know she loves him.

@IAmDaveTheSerialShagger

How old are you 12? Grow up

That was exactly my thought too when I woke up and saw the messages @IAmDaveTheSerialShagger

@MessOfEyelinerAndSpraypaint

It must be incredibly tiring having to deal with your mum's neurotic messaging /blocking. Such passive/aggressive relationships continuing to the other side of the world - onthe marvel of the Internet and the sense of entitlement it bestows on people. Enjoy your peace during block down & save energy for her inevitable return!

Thank you @MessOfEyelinerAndSpraypaint.

Yes, entitlement is probably the reason that she’s doing this.

Do you want her to end up playing mindgames with your DS when he gets older?

@Gingerkittykat

Do you want her to end up playing mindgames with your DS when he gets older?

I’m not sure if she would. She gets on very well with my siblings and I haven’t seen her display this toxic behavior towards my brothers, actually she favors them. I’ve always had a bad relationship with my DF (I suspect he’s a narcissist and she is his codependent). My best friend says my DM sees me as her rival.

You’re going to have a problem with people not RTFOP never mind RTFT.

Well, as they say, you can’t control her behavior, only how you respond to it.

Why not go NC for a month and see how it feels?

Are you going to chase her and ask her to add you again on whatsap or are you going to ignore her behaviour?

Nope, I am actually considering blocking her too but not sure if I should as I consider it a very immature thing to do.

Somehow it hurts worse seeing your mum be capable of caring for someone else and can make you feel unlovable. Honestly do your best to just let her bs flow past you and if going NC works for you then do it. It’s more important your son has a happy mum that contact with a gran half way round the world who can’t figure out how to have healthy boundaries.

I'd let her go and not bother with trying to re-contact her.
Your DS might love her now, and she might love him - but she will still do him damage if she genuinely sees you as a rival for the male family members' affection, as she will start to drip poison in his ear about you, so that he starts to favour her over you.

You do not want this to happen. It is incredibly damaging to have your grandmother diss your mother to you - wrecks relationships (depending on the age of your DS).

Go NC entirely and leave her to stew.

Oh OP, I'm sorry your mum is a raving lunatic.

I would recommend NC. The only person who matters to her is her. A reasonable parent would not behave this way. I'm drained just thinking about her. Urgh

Thanks everyone for the supportive messages. I have been told by her so often that I’m the difficult one that sometimes it’s very hard for me to know if I deserve this kind of treatment or not. Actually, rationally I KNOW she’s in the wrong but a little voice inside of me keeps telling me otherwise.
Your support means a lot to me. I really mean that.

Are you in Australia or similar, @musthavebeenlove?