Blocked her on what’s app

[musthavebeenlove]

My DD lives on the other side of the world.
We have a difficult relationship and I think she’s solely to blame for this because she’s so difficult! Today I noticed that I couldn’t see her profile photo on what’s app any longer, I sent her a message about this but she was probably asleep as it was 4 in the morning where she lives, so when she didn’t respond after 5 minutes, I asked someone that said she must have deleted me as a contact, so I sent her ‘I have been told that you deleted me as s contact’ then I blocked her because I was upset/ wanted to teach her a lesson. She will see this when she wakes up but be unable to respond!

Was I BU?

This is a reverse

@ihtwsf

You really should have just written it from your point of view rather than the very confusing reverse post and then explaining in a later post. You might get skewed replies because of this.

Frankly, I would just block her on WhatsApp and leave her blocked. It's not like that is the only way she can contact you.
Take the control back - she thinks she is in control by blocking you to punish you for something you have supposedly done to offend her and then unblocking you again when she thinks enough time has elapsed or you have made up for whatever you supposedly did.
Block and leave her blocked.

This. Reverse posts are confusing and incredibly annoying and ultimately pointless.

Good advice though. I think you are kidding yourself in assuming that the' relationship with your sons will be healthy. Why would she have this horrible relationship with you and a normal one with them? Also, maybe your siblings are better at dancing to her tune than you? Or are you the 'black sheep'. I'm the black sheep, despite in all conventional ways having achieved much more than dsis, and having the only grandchild. But dsis kisses my mum's derriere as she is financially dependent on her, but that's not a dynamic I would want to be part of. I feel your pain anyway

One of the reasons I have LC'd my Dad is to reduce the effect on my DD. I don't want her to see the way he treats me and think that's ok. I really really don't want her to see me letting him treat me badly and overlook that so he can enjoy contact with her. I'm not facilitating that shit. He does not get to dictate the dynamics of contact in my family.

musthavebeenlove

So glad to hear that you've found it helpful from most of MN PPs

I think some of us understand the reverse because you were trying to understand your DM's point of view. She doesn't sound so dear mum!

I suspect a lot of your energy has been going into that and second guessing yourself.

I'm glad that you feel able to take step back and not feel you have to justify or explain to ears in your family that won't listen. Or to respond to what is ongoing paranoia.

Wish you all the best and I'm pretty sure that stately homes thread section will be an eye opener for you that you aren't alone in feeling frustrated and confused sometimes ("but we took you to stately homes (days out) as a child so we were good parents")

In my view, when facing adult parent - adult child (or if they went the opposite way) diatribes - after a while of trying to resolve- it becomes a moot point as it no longer is about who is right or wrong- what really matters is healthy boundaries and healthy communication going forward.

No one needs to go over old ground unless there is a restorative purpose to it. And no one should be receiving endless pointless blaming texts that become diatribes (ie whatever your mum thinks she is doing now) as it's damaging to relationships and peace of mind.

I've fallen out at times with my mum, and we both have to stop text chatting to each other at times because it's so easy to rant or to mistake tone, or go off on one without wanting to hear the other side- we often agree to 'leave it be and chat another time' . And that's just normal occasional arguing stuff, not ridiculous long accusing text diatribes!